(Closed) Why do you want/don't want to have kids?

posted 6 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have been married for 1.5 years and am almost 36.  My husband is 37.  We started TTC last fall after being married for about a year.  So far we had success on the second try but then I had a mc so we are back to the drawing board.

TBH, I have mixed feelings about having a baby.  If I was younger, I would wait because I really enjoy being DINKs.  Our life is great right now.  The disruption is not appealing.  I like kids, but I also like wine, sushi and foreign travel.

But, we are pushing it in terms of our ages.  We already took one year to “just be married”.  And, I think I am more likely to regret having kids in the long run if I skip it.

The thing is, it’s one of life’s major experiences.  Many people have expressed shock to me by how much they love their kids.  It was a surprise to them.

I don’t necessarily expect having a baby to be 100% fun, but I do expect it to ultimately be worthwhile.  In general, I value something long term and worthwhile over a short term thrill such as a vacation.

But man, we just went skiing in the Alps for the first time, and it was AWESOME.  Le sigh.

My husband is similarly conflicted.  But he has such an enthusiastic, passionate, caring and loyal personality that I know he will embrace being a father.  I am looking forward to sharing parenthood with him if we manage to have a kid.

Post # 4
979 posts
Busy bee

OP, I understand where you are coming from, but, it’s a whole other story when the baby/child is actually your own. It’s hard to explain, but it is.

Post # 5
3229 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t have any kids yet, but I simply feel the need to have at least one of my own. It’s not a feeling that can be explained. I think we’ll make great parents though. We plan on trying after being married for three years which puts me at age 30 when we start TTC. FH understands my timeline and he knows our DINK days are over in a few years.

Post # 6
4375 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MRSsrm85:  +1

I can’t really explain it, but I have always known that I want to be a mother. It’s never been a question for me. If I cannot have kids biologically, then I will adopt (if I can, I might do both), but I know that for me, children are meant to be part of my life.

It does help that I love kids, and that I know my Darling Husband will be a wonderful father. Those are more perks than reasons for me, though.

Post # 7
1564 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I didn’t always want to have kids. In fact, in high school, I was sure that I would never want them but as time went on, I realized that I do have the desire to be someone’s mother and to have a family of my own. This came from interactions with other’s children and with meeting my husband and talking about having children together. I also realized that I have acted like a mother figure to my siblings for a long time and that I do have that “motherly instinct”. I guess for me it was just a feeling that this was what I wanted to do and I can’t see my life as complete without children (biological hopefully but if not, adopted).

Post # 8
7647 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t have kids yet, and we are going to start trying this summer, but to answer your question it is being able to share something precious with your husband. My husband’s face lights up whenever he mentions a baby, and that makes my face light up. Yeah, they puke, poop, pee, and cry, but ever since I was young I knew I was born to be a mom. I see how much I love my mother, and I can only hope someone, a little version of me, loves me that much. I know my husband does, but there is something that can’t compare to a bond between a mother and her children.

Post # 9
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I have 2 kids from a prior relationship and I wouldnt change it for the world I love my kids to death.

Post # 10
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@pharmy:  Darling Husband and I don’t want kids because we’re:



Given that list I don’t know how we put up with each other! 🙂

It’s just not something we’ve every considered or wanted in our futures together (or seperately). 

Post # 11
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have always known that I wanted to be a mother. Family is the most important part of my life. I want to have that special bond with my child. It’s just incredible to think about myself and Darling Husband creating another LIFE together! Sure they poop, pee, puke and cry.. but you’ll overlook those things when it’s your own child. Nothing will compare, I’m sure.

Post # 12
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@pharmy:  I actually want kids one day, but you know what’s holding me back… OTHER MOTHERS! I don’t know wtf happened to the women I knew growing up, but they’ve turned into mommy monsters. I fully intend on contuing my career and hobbies and being my own person and not just a mommy first. I want to model what being a whole person looks like for my kids, and so many of my former friends have given up absolutely everything they’ve worked for (happily or so they say) to be a mom and I know I’m not going to do that. I honestly worry I’m going to be judged by others for not being a “good mom” because I don’t want to lose my entire identity to motherhood.  

Post # 13
8444 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Not having kids ever.  I’m super happy about it.  I had a crappy childhood which I think makes you not want kids, same with my Fiance.  Plus, we have all sorts of genetic diseases in our family history (cancer, leukemia, diabetes, alzheimers, etc), so we wouldn’t really contributing genetically by having kids.  Add to that the fact that we like to sleep in, spend money on ourselves, travel, go out on dates, have nice things, stay up late, play violent video games, etc., making us poor candidates for parenting.

Post # 14
23 posts

I want kids, but I won’t have be able to have them because I have ALS and will likely be gone in a couple of years or so.

Post # 15
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I don’t want kids. I feel it in my heart, in the same way some people know that they do want children. I don’t particularly care for children or being around them. I don’t mind hanging out with FI’s nieces a little bit, but I would never want kids around 24-7.

We like sleeping in, going out at night, taking regular vacations, spending time playing video games together, taking naps on weekends, spending our money how we want, etc. 

I had a great childhood, and my parents are amazing, so there’s no trauma there. I simply don’t  have a need for a child in my life.

Post # 16
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I had my daughter by accident. Before I got pregnant, I wasn’t really keen on the idea of getting pregnant. I felt pretty indifferent towards babies and children my entire life. It wasn’t until I met my husband and saw him around kids that I started to entertain the idea. We had discussed it several times but I was still iffy about it. I guess the accident was a way to force me to finally get over my fear…. I don’t know. I don’t regret it and I am very glad it happened though. Her smile and coos make me almost want to cry and my husband adores her to death. It has really brought us closer together.

Now…do I want another one? My daughter is 2.5 months and while it is starting to get easier, she is still a handful. I usually get confused when I hear people say, “Newborns just eat and sleep all day!” Mine does not! I also had a difficult labor that ended up in C-section, I was actually happy to get the c-section and just wanted her out. The epidural and the recovery was actually not as bad as  what I had been through for a week. I did not really like being pregnant either, I felt big and I felt like I was an outsider in my group of friends who are child free by choice and not married. People talked to me only about pregnancy and babies, it was like I did not have my own life anymore.

I don’t know, I think because it is all still so new that I am feeling put off by the thought of have another. I will focus on loving the one I have for now and see how I feel in a year.

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