(Closed) Why do you want/don't want to have kids?

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 47
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@walnutgirl:  Wow that is odd. I hope, for their sake, that he ends up loving his own kids, or else they are in for a rough 18 years. I wonder how they worked that out. Did he just say “alright, I’ll have kids?” Was there a compromise there?

It’s funny, I’m know a girl who recently got divorced after 3 years of marriage because her husband didn’t want kids- and never had. In all their time dating, and being married, they had never even discussed children. I just can’t imagine that. The decision to have, or not to have, children is so huge. It seems to me that it would be one of the most important things to discuss when getting married.  

Post # 48
Member
13095 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

It’s probably going to sound cheesy but for as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted nothing more in life than to be a mother.  I honestly feel like it is a part of my purpose on this earth.  I can’t wait to play a role in creating a human being and shaping them into the man/woman they will become.

Post # 49
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Personally, I can’t stand children.  And by can’t stand, I mean when people talk about pregnancy, birthing, babies, I get physically nauseous.   This is why I had my tubes tied when I was 26.  I had a fantastic childhood, I had plenty of exposure to children my age and babies, just never had any interest in being a mother.  Fortunately, my fiance dislikes children as much (if not more) than I do!  The really funny thing is that prior to dating each other, we both had the same first date question of ‘do you ever see yourself having children someday’.  If the answer was yes, then it was an automatic no second date. 

I can’t imagine how people get married without asking the children question first.  I mean, you can compromise on almost everything, but there is no ‘middle ground’ for having children.

Post # 50
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Follydust321: Basically I think they may be headed for rough times, she really wants to move to the suburbs, closer to family and have 3 kids, and he is keen to move to Europe for a few years, so i really don’t know how things are between them (in private) but it doesn’t look like they want the same things.

He just said that he hates kids and finds them very annoying. Just after she said she wants three… So who knows!

To be honest I would like to adopt one day. I’d really feel guilty about having a child knowing how many little ones out there are desperate for a loving home. 

That seems to me like it would be worth the sacrifices of parenting, giving a loving home to a kid that has no one.

Post # 51
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I didn’t want kids…until I met my future baby daddy.

My reasons for NOT wanting children:

I was a testtube baby and had to overcome some health stuggles associated with children who were produced using massive amounts of hormone medications. In the late 1970’s my parents began trying to have children, it took them 8 years to even concieve. My parents traveled the country visiting infertility specialists and trying any “experimental” procedure or drug they could get their hands on. Obviously, 8 years of high powered medication being administered daily will cause some issues. I wasn’t born with a tail or an extra nipple, but things that came easy to most kids…I struggled with. It wasn’t until I was much other that I was told it was, in part, because of all the years of medications. I worry that I will encounter many of the same issues my parents did. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to persivere the way my parents did. I was also born into a family with significant mental health issues on both sides. I struggled (and still do) with depression, an eating disorder, an anxiety disorder and a few other issues. I did not want to pass on my mental history to my children. Knowing what I went through, I didn’t want to put another human through it. 

My reasons for WANTING children:

My future husband did not have an ideal childhood. He desperately wants to be the father he didn’t have. He is absolutely amazing with his neices & nephews, he lights up around children. He is strong, strong enough for the both of us at times. I am more in love with him than I’ve ever been with anyone or anything and I cannot find it in my heart to deny him the chance at being a father. We’ve talked about adoption and have even said if I can’t concieve we will adopt but I want to make a child with him. We’re both, in my opinion (obviously), well rounded, educated, successful, loving people who would bend over backwards for most. Now that I’ve met him, I can’t imagine not having a child. 

 

It’s a huge decision and it turns my stomach to see people having children they don’t want or can’t care for. It’s not a temporary thing. 

Post # 52
Member
1133 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

SO and I definitely do NOT want kids.  I made up my mind when I was 15, and it’s been almost 10 years and I haven’t budged once.  To be honest, I’m not crazy about kids.  I feel uncomfortable around them, I hate that I would have to watch them 24/7, I hate that SO and I would barely get alone time anymore, and my career is far more important to me then having a kid.  I also LOVE travelling, and I would never be home enough for one thing to raise a kid. 

If some crazy reason I change my mind, I would adopt though.  Until every child has a loving home (which will never happen), I would never want biological kids.  I just can’t stand the thought of people out there that don’t get to grow up with a family.

Post # 53
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Scorpio88:  Totally agree about adoption.  I feel that every potential parent should have a look around adoption websites and see how many children don’t have a loving home out before. It really is an eye opener

Post # 54
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@pharmy:  i am just amazed by the idea to have a little person around that’s half me, half the person I love most in the whole world!

Post # 55
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@pharmy:  I’d rather not have kids because H has Autism and we both suffer from depression and PTSD and having children would be difficult for me because of a health issue I have. So while we’d be understanding of children and any possible issues they might have, I imagine it could be very difficult. My parents never knew how to deal with my issues in a way that helped me so that was very frustrating.

We both feel like if we ultimately don’t have any biological kids, we would like to foster children when we are older and able to financially do that.

Post # 56
Member
8470 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t want to EVER give up my life, my freedom to do what I want when I want. I don’t know what the fuss is about a baby. I don’t see the appeal. 

Post # 57
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I can’t actually give specifics as to why I want kids. Ever since I can remember I’ve wanted to have kids. I love kids so much. I’ll play with a stranger’s kid while I’m working. People come to me at work because their kids love me. I just attract them, I guess. I’ll get down to their level and play. I’ll ask them questions, keep them occupied while their parents shop. Working with kids is rewarding, but having your own would be – while tiring, sometimes frustrating and time consuming – even better. I just want my husband to be on board already! 😉

Post # 58
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I 90% want to have a child, 10% don’t. I imagine most people who become parents have misgivings, so I am sure this is normal.

Why I do:

I think I have a great personality to be a mother- I am level headed, nurturing, sensitive to others feelings, and imaginative. I love thinking of everything I would like doing with our child- small family traditions, crafts, reading them stories, baking, etc. I also feel like a child could fit in well with our lifestyle- we don’t enjoy partying, and while we do like to travel and go out to eat, I think children could eventually fit into that. I also think my husband would be a great father. Finally, i have a difficult family life (and had a difficult childhood), and I frankly like the idea of creating my own little family.

Why I don’t: 

Pregnancy scares me. I have a feeling I would have a really difficult pregnancy because I get sick all the time as it is. I also have a lot of health issues, so it worries me that I wouldn’t have the stamina to be a good mom. Also, due to said health issues I currently don’t work, so it concerns me that we would struggle financially if we were just living on my husvand’s income. 

Post # 59
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I don’t want kids, I’ve never wanted kids, and the mosre people tell me “oh, you’ll change your mind”- the more I want to fork out my uterus!

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