(Closed) Why does everyone have to be negative about your relationship? Engaged/moving in

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
4921 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah. Fuck that. We moved in together, the only thing different was less driving. We totally got comments like that, as have all my friends. IMO, total garbage. 

Post # 7
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Oh yes I could have written this post! I had a breakdown a couple of weeks ago because that was ALLL I was hearing from people. and we don’t live together! *gasp* AND we won’t til we get married! *gasp*gasp* LOL

 

I also love it when they give the “good luck” side eye roll. Ugh.

Post # 9
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

my mom was pretty against Fiance and i moving in together and i heard the whole ‘why buy the cow when you’re getting the milk for free?’ bit for awhile and it drove me crazy. i’ve heard the whole ‘living together takes away the special feeling of getting married’. ummmmmmm, no.

 

i’m really glad that Fi and i have lived together for 3 years because it’s really let us adjust to what being married will really feel like. i am so glad that we chose to live together first. i really think it could have gone differently if we hadn’t lived together and just got married, especially because our first year together was pretty rough. i had never lived on my own before, let alone with a roommate so moving in with a significant other was a HUUUUUUGE change for me and i really had a rough time. over the past several years, we’ve learned to live together in a peaceful way and i’ve learned what bothers him and what bothers me and we’ve split household duties and all that other not-so-fun-stuff and i’m just so THANKFUL for it. when we get married, we’ll still fight like hell once in awhile of course, but we’ll be able to enjoy being married without being stressed out with trying to adjust to living together and being in each other’s space all the time. 

 

i think it was a great choice and all those negative comments are just such bullshit. even towards those who ARE choosing to wait to live together until they’re married. it’s really all personal choice. in like, i don’t like hearing people say ‘ohhhhh they haven’t even lived together yet, wow that marriage is gonna last. they’re in for a shocker!’. it’s just all bullshit. it’s all about what works best for you and your partner. everything else is irrelevant. it’s annoying. 

 

Post # 10
Member
4476 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

We moved in together a few months before getting married.  The first month was a rough adjustment, but after that everything was fine.  After getting married, our relationship didn’t feel that different. Moving in together was a bigger change than getting married.  They were changes for the better, though. 

Post # 12
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@echolove:  yes!! like, if you aren’t choosing to move in together with your significant other…people will be like, ‘oh i guess they’re not that serious with each other…’ or ‘i guess it’s not really working out…’. catch-22 either way. ridiculous! 

Post # 13
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

At 28, you should know your own mind.  Period.

Ignore these people, they are too nosy… they need to MYOB…

That said, it is different… but I think you’ve figured that out.

Just make sure you take care of you… financially, sexually and emotionally so it isn’t something you come to regret later.

(Not being a naysayer… just speaking the truth.  EVERYONE who chooses to co-habitate should learn what their RIGHTS and OBLIGATIONS are legally etc)

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 14
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We heard that a lot, too. You wanna know what changed?

 

My last name. 

 

Do we treat each other differently now that we’re married? No way, man. If anything, it’s BETTER because he’s my husband and I’m his wife. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@echolove:  That’s really too bad you’re getting all this negative feedback from people. My only guess is they think you’re moving too quickly? It’s far more common for couples to have already lived together for a while before getting engaged, so if you’re getting married before moving in, then people might be concerned.

 

I must admit I didn’t get any comments like these. My partner and I moved in together after one year of dating, and then two years later we got engaged, and a year after that we were married. For us it was the perfect timeline, to really be sure we could make it work long-term. I guess our timeline worked for our families and friends too!

 

Try to understand that underneath these people likely really care about you, and don’t want you to rush into something so big. It is true that living together really tests a relationship, and I recommend at least a year before commiting to marriage, but that’s me. If you and your sweetie are compatible, in love, and have great emotional communication and a willingness to work on things, you should be fine!!

P.S. more sex is a grrrreat reason to live together, btw! 😉

 

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