(Closed) Why does everyone think it’s okay to pick on the youngin’s?

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

What’s the alternative?  Just always wonder what peoples alternative option is.

People question.  It will happen at every age and it’s not completley a bad thing.  It sucks but there’s no way to avoid it so you just have to approach it with confidance.  But not  in a snippy way because then you reaffirm their assumptions (at least in their mind). 

 

Post # 4
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I understand!  It’s so frustrating for sure!  I just ignore them.  People will always be passing judgement on others for something.

Post # 5
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I feel your pain! I got engaged last Christmas…I was 18. All my family and his family were more than happy and in fact half of them were saying “About Time!” but other people like non-relations won’t shut up! I feel as if they’ve stuck me under a spot light, in a chair in a dark room! I figure they feel asthough we don’t have “much life expirence” and have no idea what we are getting ourselves into, so basically now if someone wants to lecture me on my decision I just smile and say “I’m inlove, that’s all that matters” 🙂

Post # 6
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m 34 and FH is 41 and we got “Are you sure?” questions, too.  I’m sure part of what you’re experiencing is people who have experienced themselves changing (and a bit of self-discovery) in their 20s and want to make sure you’re certain you’re comfortable with you before dedicating your life to someone else.  If you’re secure in yourself and your relationship then these nosey nellies shouldn’t be a problem.

Post # 8
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah I’m full of empty threats too, but sometimes I have something in mind.

Just keep your poise, it will make a much bigger impact on them to not treat them disrespectfully back but still talk confidantly in your decision. I wouldn’t over defend my decision either or give a resume, just say it simply or make it a joke (not like laugh in their face but something they can laugh along with). You’ll make too many enemies if you hold it against people everytime they say something somewhat innappropriate.

Post # 9
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I got married young the first time. We were engaged at 20 married at 21. I heard it all the time and I got annoyed by it. Now that I am divorced and older I can see why nosey people ask that. I really don’t know why they waste time asking because I didnt listen and no one listens. It kind of goes in one ear and out the other because your mind is made up and people live in the moment, not tomorrow. I am sure there are plenty of people who married young and stayed together forever. My marriage didn’t last partly because of the age we married and partly because we just didn’t get along. As we get older we understand more about what we want in life. Sometimes our values change and so do our motivations. Thus this is the reason people ask. If you are sure the two of you will be able to grow together without growing apart at the same time, then don’t listen to what they say. Keep doing what you are doing. Congrats on your engagement. 

Post # 10
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

@edisonsgirl: I couldn’t have said it better.

Although I’m only 22.  I’m still young and I just let it go.

Post # 12
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I can see how that would be frustrating. Probably just as much as a 30+ year old getting asked why they are single. At each age we face criticism by other who “know bette”. Keep your poise and know that you love your Fiance and that is all that matters, not all those other people.

Post # 13
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

I’m going to disagree with you on that one.  Being older gives you the experience of seeing peoples personalities come out and change and be able to better predict how people are going to grow and change (and also how you’re going to grow and change) so you can see the signs of controlling and abusive personalities.  Cheating I think is a strong sign of being married before you were ready.  Yes there are plenty of people who are older and not ready but you’re more likely to be unready at a younger age.

Post # 14
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Geez… haven’t we had enough of these threads lately?

I’m a young bride (22) so I know what you’re talking about. The criticism goes hand in hand with being a young bride. Just toughen up and ignore it. Who cares what others think anyway? It’s your decision, not theirs. My usual response when someone is like “Well, I dont see why you can’t wait/I think youre too young/etc” is “Well, I’m glad it’s not your decision, then.”

Post # 15
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@zippylef: My thoughts exactly.

Also, if you are starting a thread to complain that people don’t understand maturity and commitment, you may want to come up with a better analogy for the alternative than referencing how your mom used to say “or else” and starting the sentence with IDK LOL. It’s hard to take that seriously! I can understand how frustrating it must be when people question your life; people did that with my Fiance and me when we started dating. Sometimes others can see what we ourselves are blind to, but ultimately, no one can make your decisions for you. Keep your chin up, but you may want to be more self aware about how you present yourself. Arguing that age doesn’t matter is the mark of youth — it does, and only by accepting that and dealing with it head on can you get past it. I hope people stop questioning you and that it gets easier for you and your Fiance. This should be such a happy time for you!

Post # 16
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

@zippylef: shes just looking to vent. If it bothers you don’t read it.

 

@Akennedy01: I get it. Seriously! I’m so sick of heaing how many years I clearly have left before I should be engaged at some age deemed appropriate by the general public. It’s so easy for people to say just ignore it. It sucks. You want to tell those people to shove it where the sun don’t shine because it’s not their decision and who asked them anyways!? The best advice I can give you is to speak more often to the people who support you and speak less to people who don’t. Remember that you are not the only one and that us young brides understand why you are getting married and we are here to encourage you!

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