(Closed) Why does FMIL need to know every detail of my venue hunt.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

because she’s an asshole 🙂

LOL no I’m sorry that was terrible. Perhaps she is truly interested, or she feels left out maybe.

Post # 5
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’d just tell her you havent made a decision yet, each time she asks, or hand the phone off to your Fiance. She’ll get over the lack of information your willing to give her. And tell her you think its pretty presumptious and rude of her to be asking so many financial questions when she’s not contributing or helping manage any part of it; whether its her place or not. 

Best of Luck with FMIL! I encourage every future Bride to make boundaries with their in-laws; good or bad ones they will always bee needed and utilized.

Post # 6
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@jackndiane: DH’s Mother was the same way. She didn’t contribute anything (even a gift) and she was obsessed with the numbers. Do you think that maybe she thinks your family is overdoing it? My Mother-In-Law has no money and so I think she just kept asking about it so that she could gossip about how my family thought that they were better than hers.

Post # 8
Member
7412 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Tell her her that you both will inform her when a contract has been signed, until then you won’t be giving her any rundowns. Don’t entertain her questions and definitely refuse to answer any thing relating to cost. The nerve of her.

Post # 9
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

Isn’t it her son’s wedding too? I don’t see why you’d be annoyed or offended by her asking…she just sounds interested. Give her a break and let her be part of it, even if its just being nosy!

Post # 10
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I get wanting to be involved even though she’s not contributing, but money is NONE of her business if it’s not her money!

If she keeps asking tell her about the decor and size of the rooms etc if she asks, but if she asks about price just say “it’s within our budget” and change the subject back to how the room looks and what the food is like.

Post # 12
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It sounds to me like she is just interested in everything.  I can totally understand why you wouldn’t be comfortable saying what your parents can afford/not afford, so maybe try saying, “it wasn’t what we were looking for / it was overpriced / etc instead?  That might make it easier on you, but she still feels involved in the planning.

 

Post # 13
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@jackndiane: I could see if she was just interested in venues, and not so much about what they cost. Since she is not paying for anything and your parents are footing the bill it’s none of her business what the cost is, and I think it’s a little disrespectful to your parents that she keeps wanting to know the cost. I would just ignore her, and not tell her anything.

Post # 14
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I was raised to not talk about money. Once you are an adult you make decisions with your own money and thats how it goes. Darling Husband family always talks about it asking what we pay for things, telling us the houses we were looking at and ended up buying was too expensive, and it really puts me off. I have told Darling Husband that and he has started to avoid answering the questions, usually with “we paid enough” or “we got a good deal”. Hopefully they are getting picture it isn’t their business.

I would honestly quit talking to her ever day. Or atleast have Darling Husband ask to give you some space until the venue decision has been made. Tell her you are feeling a lot of ressure and just want to enjoy the process. I agree though, it is not her business if she is not paying.

Post # 15
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@jackndiane: She does not need to know all of that… If she is not paying, then it should not matter to her. Try and give her something else wedding related to focus on and it might get better  for you

GOOD LUCK

 

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