(Closed) Why does he always take his side!? (Long and vent)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Wow, he is an ass. “Wow are you a fuckin anime baby” That made laugh for some reason though.

I find the fact that your Fiance has an internet BFF to be slightly odd, but anyway….. he sounds like a miserable person. I think your Fiance should drop him as a friend and stand up for you. It would be beneficial to your Fiance as well to do this. I just don’t see this friendship as being very healthy….

You flew off the handle, which I completely understand. But I think it should stop there. Why waste your energy?

Post # 5
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

BFF is jealous of you.  Your Fiance needs to put you first and stop allowing BFF to insult you with no consequences.  And you really don’t have a choice but to stay out of their friendship.  None of this is healthy for you. 

Be strong and make some boundaries and limits – with your Fiance – on what you will and will not tolerate from now on when it comes to this friend.  This friend should not be allowed to interfere so deeply with your daily lives. 

Bottom line is, your Fiance is going to have to make a choice to limit his contact with his BFF in a way that does not interfere with the primary relationship he has with his future spouse. 

If he continues to allow his BFF to interfere and insult you it will only cause you more anxiety.  If he loves you he won’t allow that to happen, but it is really up to your Fiance to put a stop to this.

On the other hand, during the times your Fiance is interacting with his friend maybe you should leave for awhile and spend time with your own friends.  Relationships and friendships take negotiation and balance.  Ask your Fiance how he would feel if you had a BFF treating him this way and the shoe was the other foot – how would he want you to handle it?

Don’t let this continue – talk with your Fiance and work out a reasonable compromise that makes you both a lot happier.

Post # 6
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

ok. i cant get past the part, where someone commented something negative and insulting on your picture, and your Fiance, didn’t defend you. that by itself is absolutly horrible. does he not love you? care about you or your feelings? how very hurtful. i am sorry you are going through this. His BFF seems toxic. unfortunately it looks like your self worth, and relatioship will be affected by his presence. I doubt it will get better until the toxins are gone, but then i am sure ur Fiance would then resent u for making him choose and lose his friend.  i am sorry this is happening to you. i wish i had better advice.

Post # 7
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Do you think BFF has feelings for your fiance that are more than friendly, and that is causing him to act this way?

Post # 8
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

@peachacid:  That was my first thought too.

My Fiance would have stopped being friends with this guy the first time he made a negative comment about me. I think your Fiance needs to start putting your feelings first.

Post # 10
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@TheyCallMeAnonymous:  You just click the button that says “reply” in the post.

Post # 11
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

@TheyCallMeAnonymous:  I give him his space, but BFF is on mic chat literally ALL day. BFF wakes him up late into the night sometimes to handle yet another “emergency”, so I get stuck in bed alone.

Ok, this is weird to me. I would have a serious chat with your boyfriend.

Post # 12
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@TheyCallMeAnonymous:   Maybe let your Fiance read this entire thread so he can see exactly how you feel.  If he loves you he wouldn’t want you to be so unhappy this way.  Maybe he doesn’t realize how badly this is affecting you.

Post # 13
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@TheyCallMeAnonymous:  Has he ever met this guy in person?  

It is definitely bizarre that he is such a big part of your life.  I can’t believe this guy talks to you so disrespectfully.  Your SO needs to turn off the mic chat for a while and concentrate on his relationship with you.  Otherwise, there is no way I would marry him.  

ETA: I also wouldn’t rule out the idea that there is something beyond friendship going on here, either on the part of BFF or both of them.

Post # 14
Member
2905 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@peachacid:  I was wondering that, too.

I don’t know what to say other than I don’t think you should feel guilty for a second for telling off that jerk. And seriously, if someone was talking about my Fiance like that, they would no longer be a friend. 

Oh, and also, I completely agree with everything Sunfire said. (As usual!) It sounds like there are some serious boundaries being crossed here.

Post # 16
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@peachacid:  I thought this as well.

OP, BFF is insanely jealous of you.  I really like @Sunfire‘s advice and would follow the same exact approach.

Good luck, this sounds so unbelievably stressful.  ((Hugs))

ETA- After reading your updates, I’m just getting angry for you.  Idk why your Fiance can’t just cut this online relationship out of his life.  Mic chat on 24/7?  That is so weird to me.  I can’t imagine my Fiance putting up with such disrespectful talk to or about his future wife and would cut contact with him immediately.  I wish your Fiance would do the same.

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