(Closed) Why does he neglect my sexual needs?

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Oceania09:  I don’t mean to sound harsh, but this man seems incredibly immature for someone that is 35.  I think you really hit the nail on the head with your “second mother” comment.

Post # 4
1247 posts
Bumble bee

Oceania09:  I see at least 2 problems: 1) immaturity & laziness on his part 2) Incompatibility. 

Post # 5
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I don’t really understand why you are with this guy. He blames his shortcomings on “the system” rather than himself… he is not proactive and doesn’t want to change… he is irresponsible with money… and you don’t even have a great sex life. To cap it all, he’s a mother’s boy… and let me tell you, he will never leave home. He will live in the same house as her until she dies, and if you stay with him then you will end up moving in with him and his mother. She could live for another 10-15 years. Do you want to take that on?

Also… and this I don’t get… if his mother is 85, how can he be 35? Are you saying she had him when she was 50?!?

Anyway, this sounds like the kind of guy you date when you are in your early 20s… the romantic, creative type who talks about changing the world… but never gets off the sofa. By the time he’s into his 30s, that act is getting really old…

I’m guessing there must be some great things about his character as well for you to want to be with him despite all of this. What are those great things? Do they make up for the bad things?

Post # 9
9788 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Because he’s a man child who lives with his mommy! I can’t believe he squandered what could have been a huge leg up in life.

you have no future with this man. Stop wasting your time! 

Post # 10
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Oceania09:  it kinda sound like you are a friend to him. A relationship involves listening and compromise and doing what is best for your partner. He isn’t listening to your needs at all and that isn’t fair

Post # 12
3300 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oceania09:  Serious question, and you don’t have to answer, but please ask (and honestly answer) yourself: why are you with him? 

I read a very long post all about why this guy is not worth your time. If you realize this and we strangers can all see this, then what is the main thing holding the relationship together?

Also, I just wanted to throw out there in case in helps you or anyone else: having mental health issues is nothing to be ashamed of and you deserve to have a healthy, functional love relationship as much as anyone else. You are NOT damaged goods. You do NOT have to put up with a useless man just because you believe he is the only man who will ever accept your panic attacks (or your kids, or your age, or your financial situation or whatever other baggage that all normal people have). Please don’t rob yourself of the opportunity to spend your life with a wonderful man who deserves you by settling for someone whose only redeeming quality seems to be something not particularly extraordinary. Anyone who loves you should be offering you kind words and refreshment for your soul. You can literally get that ANYWHERE (even here on the Bee). Don’t waste any more years of your precious life!


Post # 14
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Oceania09:  that’s not ok at all. if anything you should feel the most “you” around him. 


and it does sound like his relationship with yu and his family may not be mature. Living with your 85 year old mother may not be an issue, my parents in their 50s have my grandmother (83) moving in with them because she does not want to love alone after my grandfather died, but it is more her living with her son rather than a son living at his parents

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