(Closed) Why does it hurt so bad.

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Im sorry sweetie. Big EHUG!

IMO, he should tell you what happened. It probably is worse to let your imagination run wild than just coming out with the truth.

I’m not a huge fan of stippers or strip clubs in general but I would feel much worse about having my Fiance see a girl in a private room (hotel room, house, ect) where there are not cameras or bouncers keeping tabs. Also, alcohol and bachelor/bachelorette parties are not an excuse for questionable behavior to me.

I sincerely hope he comes clean and is able to restore your trust and happiness.

Post # 4
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry you’re so upset sweetie. I hate bachelorette/bachelor parties with strippers myself, it’s unnecessary. I would reccomend that you cool off and try and talk with him again without the emotion in the way. I understand how you feel. Maybe you could let him know that if he WOULD talk about it you would probably feel much better. Him saying it’s a secret isn’t helping the situation and makes it look like he has something to hide. I’d let him know that you want to be open and communicate about this and see what he says.

Post # 5
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

🙁 *hug*

Post # 7
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

*hugs*

I think you need to sit down with him, turn off all distractions, and tell him that you NEED to talk about it. Ask him to not say anything until you’re done, and get everything off your chest. Tell him that you trusted him to not do something like this, and that you’re mortified that he did. Tell him how you feel.

And then ask him what was going through his mind, and what really happened. If you explain to him what is going through your mind, he might be able to assuage your fears. It’s something that needs to be out in the open, now – not later.

Maybe suggest going to a counselor about it?

Post # 8
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Nola, i’m sure he loves you and would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. I have to say that i’m not bothered by strippers and bachelor parties…hell i went with FI to a strip club in New Orleans and we had a ball.  As long as he keeps it in his pants i’m fine with the ocassional visit for special ocassions and i trust him completely and know he would never hurt me and ruin out future together by doing something stupid. Good luck and i’m sure things will work out. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Can you leave for a while until you are composed and able to talk to him calmly? If I was upset and around my Fiance, I wouldnt be able to wait for him to come check on me, but maybe it is not best to approach him in this situation if you are somewhat hysterical.

Post # 10
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

UGH!! MY heart is wrenching for you, not so much for the strippers and the party (those girls are lame-o) but more for how you are feeling and how he is making you feel. I dont have any good advice, but to tell you to go take a drive, let him sit alone in the house for a while. I wouldn’t even announce I was leaving, just leave for an hour or so! Im sooooooo sorry for you. ((HUGS)))

Post # 11
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Do you have any reason not to trust him?  Do you think he did anything with these strippers?  

For the most part when a stripper goes to a party, they are not there to ruin a relationship or hook up with a guy.  They just want the money and to move on-thats a college loan payment, mortgage/rent or car payment.  

Plus if your FI/Boyfriend cheats on you with a stripper, then he was going to cheat on you ANYWAYS.  I mean think about it as like an airline.  You have thousands of planes flying around the world but people only remember the crashes.  Same thing with parties and strippers. There are tons of parties with strippers, but people only remember the “cheaters”.  

Unless you have doubts he cheated on you, then this isn’t a big deal.  

 

Post # 12
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

wow- he refuses to tell you the details..and he is making no effort to comfort you? I think it’s time to rethink the engagement. Do you really want to take a chance on a guy who disrespects you and refuses to comfort you when you need it most?  I would really do some soul-searching here. If paid enough, sex acts are common at private parties and even happen in some strip clubs. I would be really worried that he refuses to discuss it with you.  Transparency and open communication are necessary for a relationship to work. You cant keep secrets from each other and expect the relationship to work.  You can’t do things behind your partner’s back that will hurt your partner. It sounds like he knew exactly where you stood on strippers and he went along anyway. No excuse.

Post # 13
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Kanebaby- it’s great that you’re cool with strip clubs, but this isn’t really about strippers. It’s about loving and respecting your partner. If your guy disrespected you in a different situation and did something to hurt you intensely and then refused to comfort you…kinda a big deal!

Post # 14
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Oh no Nola! I am so sorry to hear this.  I really hope that you both are able to talk this out soon, because I’m sure it is hurting both of you a lot.

Post # 15
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

to be honest i dnt see the whole point of having strippers and all that. it just blows my mind and i would like to the person who started this trend. so you’ve met the person u want to spend the rest of your life with but first you must have a wild night with strippers????? yeah i refuse to understand this and will be hoping my Fiance doesnt have strippers

 

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