Post # 1
Disclaimer: It is not my intent to offend those who require a surprise proposal. I just need help understanding why it is necessary.
I have read posts written by bees who know their SO’s have purchased an ering. They may have even seen it hiding in a drawer somewhere. But, they have to wait until the surprise proposal to get it. Some SOs go as far as playing what I would call mental games but others might call it little fibs to throw his Girlfriend off. I don’t understand this. If SOs have the ring, why are they just not presenting them to their future brides? What is with all the wait time, suspense, and in some posts I’ve read – mental torture? Especially in cases where the BF knows the Girlfriend knows but he is making her wait. That just seems cruel to me.
After reading lots of posts regarding this subject and thinking this is peculiar, I also think I am the only bee or one of a few bees who think this way. So, I guess I am in the minority here. Can anyone shed any light on this what I guess is a ritual?
Post # 3
My thought on it is because the media has ingrained it into the man that he HAS to do it, its his duty. Which really makes no sense – he not only has to woo her, but also buy her an expensive ring, and then come up with some crazy surprise proposal on top of that???
My proposal was just me and hubs, alone in our stateroom (we were on a cruise), and it couldn’t have been more perfect 🙂
ETA: Mine was a surprise (left that out), but that was because hubs just thought that was how it was done. Looking back, I would have liked to be involved, but I actually am really happy he did it all on his own. He picked a ring for me that I don’t think I ever would have picked, but I absolutely love it 🙂
Post # 4
I had a hunch that my engagement was coming on christmas, so I painted my nails to prepare! but my husband decided to wait a few extra days (he had his reasons). that threw me off!
but nah, I would have been just fine with it if it was not a surprise. people get it in their heads that proposals have to be absolutely perfect, and then they run to WB to complain when it is not. it makes me nuts. you know what? you got your proposal, stop whining!
Post # 5
for us personally, the only reasons it was a “surprise” were a) it was important to dh that it be a surprise (which is a valid reason because it meant a lot to him), and b) it made a better story for telling people (which is a really very silly reason). so, i don’t really think it is important, unless it’s important to the people getting engaged. i just wanted to know that he loved me and saw a forever-future with me so i didn’t give a hoot about when or where or how! but he did. he managed to surprise me/catch me off guard even though i knew it was coming because we’d talked about it, so it was the best of both worlds 🙂
Post # 6
It’s a long story about our relationship but we are not at the point of talking about rings yet. We were, but life got in the way. Hopefully we will be there again soon.
When it is that time, I do not want to be involved in any part of the propsal process. I may send him rings I like, but that’s it. And to be honest, I don’t know if he would ask for ring ideas. He is pretty good with jewelry. There are so few great surprises in life. I want to enjoy this one.
Post # 7
@finnaroo: i just wanted to know that he loved me and saw a forever-future with me so i didn’t give a hoot about when or where or how
Post # 8
I don’t think it needs to be a surprise – as usually when the proposal happens, it will always have some kind of element (like a heartfelt speech) that you do not expect!
My SO asked me to marry him last night (but not formally propose with a ring or on one knee so I don’t consider it 100% serious or authentic) I’m pretty sure my authentic proposal will be similar – no fanfare, no special location or plan, just us 🙂
Post # 9
Agree with PP’s, it didn’t matter to me so much. I just wanted it to be about me and him. Which it was. We do like to surprise each other frequently, and it was very important to him that I was completely surprised. Well, he sure got what he wanted.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I had no desire for a surprise or a big proposal. I just wanted to be engaged and get to planning because we already knew that we wanted to be married in Fall 2011, and I had a lot of other things going on between then and now. Mr. LK felt like he was supposed to do something big and fancy, and still feels bad that he didn’t because he wanted to give me that. But a fancy surprise proposal was never really what I wanted. Getting engaged with his mom’s ring while sitting on our couch having a serious discussion about our goals and our future plans, and while waiting for the pizza delivery guy, is so perfectly us and normal that I wouldn’t have it any other way. Getting engaged was the most natural thing in the world for us to do, so why go make it weird by doing something so contrived?
Post # 11
No surprise here, other than when he was going to do it. Heck I was one of those point black this is the ring I want girls and he told me when he ordered it. Even when he did give it to me he didn’t get down on one knee. I never expected him too either. You can read the full story in my bio and it’s not that exciting. I don’t mind telling people the story either becuase it is our story and so special to me.
Post # 12
I think in this day and age, true “surprise proposals” are very rare. I would never have gotten engaged to someone I hadn’t already discussed marriage and other important life decisions with well in advance. I also don’t think the ring and the proposal need to coincide (I got my ring about a year and a half after the fact), and I think people put wayyyyyyyy too much pressure on the idea of the “perfect” proposal.
I will never understand the whole “we have to wait to get engaged until…” mentality. No, you don’t. If you are both very clear on the fact that you want to get engaged/married…why not just say, “We’re engaged!!!”? Being engaged does not mean you need to plan a wedding RIGHT NOW, or that not having a ring on your finger nullifies the engagement.
There are plenty of other occasions to do grand gestures like skywriting or filling an entire room with candles and roses, etc., etc. I think a proposal should be natural and real and not require any bells and whistles unless that’s already in the nature of the couple. My husband asked me as we were out walking on a summer evening. He didn’t stress for months about finding the right time and place, I wasn’t hounding him or fretting about when it would be, and it was just a really beautiful, comfortable and genuine moment.
/gets off soapbox
Post # 13
Ours was only a twinge of a surprise…. but I pretty much knew everything. I wouldn’t have it any other way, but when we tell people the proposal story, there’s definitely the attitude that it ‘should’ be a ‘how-he-surprised-me’ story.
Post # 14
When it happens to be a surprise, that’s awesome. I was thinking more of when the cat is already out of the bag (the ring has been hidden/found) and there is still all this waiting going on. Some guys even tell their Girlfriend to wait longer beceause they are not ready to give her the ring. What! If you were ready to buy it why aren’t you ready to give it to her!?! Why does she have to wait for some event, date, etc.? Do guys really want this, or is this what they think ladies want?
Post # 15
I don’t think it has to be a suprise however I do think the element of surprise makes the moment more special, exciting and memorable.
For me Fiance and I had been together for 6 years, we had discussed marriage at length and knew that was the direction we were heading. So he could have just went ring shopping with me and we could have practically decided to get engaged. However, I am so glad he did it the surprise way. I had no idea he had actually bought a ring and I will never forget the moment he proposed, it was amazing and I was crying hysterically. Had we just decided okay lets get married, that moment wouldn’t be there. Thats why I think surprises are important and why everyone wants the surprise proposal. Because who doesn’t want that moment?
Post # 16
I was not surprised by my engagement. I fully expected it and knew it was coming. I was one of those people that think it has to be a surprise and sooo amazing (because I saw it on tv, movies, etc), but when it came down to it…I could have cared less. He did it in a cute way, regardless of whether I expected it or not, and we were engaged, so I don’t think it matters. IMO obviously. We had my Birthday planned out for the day afterwards since we worked on my Birthday. We went to go hiking and see some waterfalls, go to dinner and a movie afterwards. He mentioned something months before the engagement about how he can’t propose to me at a waterfall because it’s not significant to our relationship (I wanted it to mean something to our relationship, like where we met, our first kiss, etc), but I told him it didn’t matter (I just wanted to get engaged already!!!) and I love waterfalls so it’s fine. So when he mentioned his plans to go see some waterfalls for my Birthday I knew he was going to propose. The thing that surprised me was that while I was brushing my teeth and getting ready for my class, he packed our bags and got everything ready (without me knowing at all) and he booked a honeymoon suite with a red heart shaped jacuzzi, fireplace in the bedroom, and a private pool in our room. He told me AFTER the proposal that he booked this room.
I also knew he had bought the ring (because I was the one pretending to be my Fiance emailing the custom made ring and giving her the exact details), so it was any day now really.