(Closed) Why does it take so long for people to get engaged?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We dated for 4 years and 3 months before getting engaged. We also started dating when I was 16. So a big part of the “wait” was waiting for me to:

  1. Be old enough to be ready for marraige
  2. Be old enough that every single initial reaction wouldn’t be “you’re too young”
  3. For us to be financially ready to plan/pay for a wedding

I “knew” I was “ready” after about 2 years. But we waited an additional 2 years after that because of the 2nd and 3rd reason.

ETA: We are having a long (2 years) engagement to save up for the wedding. At a certain point it was better for us to have a long engagement vs a short one so that we could be engaged sooner. Other couples opt for a very short engagement and more “waiting” time.

Post # 4
Member
4014 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We had only been dating for 2 1/2 years when my Fiance popped the question and we had been talking about it for 6 month prior to that. We are both in our mid 20’s and both knew exactly what we were looking for I suppose!

I don’t think that there is any harm in waiting even if you know you are sure. Everyone has different reasons, whether they would like to get their finances in order before walking down the aisle or finishing school. Some people are just plain not ready for that step in their lives yet even though they know they are with the right person!

Post # 6
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you’ll find that a lot of the women met their FIs at a very young age and dating for a long time before they reached their early-mid-twenties and were ready to marry. 

My Fiance told me I was “the one” and that he’d marry me the day we met.  Doesn’t mean we were in a position to get married and start our lives together, you know??

Post # 7
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We’re both psychology students, and in all the lectures on neuropsychology, there were quite a few on love. Basically when you fall in love, your brain is flooded with hormones (similar to a drug addict’s brain, actually) and this doesn’t wear off for about 18 months to 2 years. So, while we loved each other heaps during that time, we were aware that a lot of it was hormones. When the intensity of that initial rush wore off, we wanted to be sure that there was still something there for us and that we had similar life plans that weren’t being compromised by us just being addicted to each other.

ETA: When we got engaged, we had been friends for 6 years, boyfriend and girlfriend for 3 years, and living together for 2, so by then we were pretty sure what we had was ‘real’

Post # 8
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Because theres no rush!  Assumming we are correct in knowing he/she is “the one” – you have your whoooooooooole lives to be married.  You only get to enjoy that dating phase once!  I mean, I knew when I was 15 I wanted kids, but was perfectly content to wait and enjoy my 20’s first 🙂

Post # 9
Member
803 posts
Busy bee

I feel like knowing that someone might be the one – and actually being ready to make that commitment are two different things. Before getting engaged, I always thought that it wouldn’t be a big deal for Fi and I to be engaged (dated for almost 3 years before). I still don’t think that it makes our relationship or love any more valid than before, we’ve known since day one that we would get married. But it makes other things more real, like the pressure of planning a wedding. Planning a wedding is no easy feat, and every day we get asked when we’re setting the date, when we’re getting married, yada yada yada and we just have other things we want to do first (grad school, research, etc …) It definitely brings a lot of things that I should be worrying about later to the forefront of my mind – and I find myself either being suffocated by the attention from other people to my engagement status (which I don’t understand either, since it’s always been obvious to other people that we would get married) or paying more attention to wedding things than my grad school apps ….

Post # 11
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrNavidson:  I was 3 weeks shy of my 21st birthday. I’m 22 now, and will be 23 when I get married. I got a few “are you pregnant?” questions, but fewer than I think I would have gotten otherwise. Some people were surprised, but once they heard our “master plan” (2 year engagement, Fiance finishing law school before wedding, then me going to grad school) they relaxed a little. I think people just wanted to make sure we weren’t rushing into things, which we definitely didn’t do. I honestly haven’t been given as much flack about it as I expected. I’m from NJ and the average marraige age is late 20s/early 30s. I’m the only one of my friends from home who is in this serious of a relationship. But in the midwest where I go to school its very common to get engaged/married young. I actually know 3 couples in the 20-22 age range who got engaged last week. So around here its “normal” to get married right after college. Maybe people will bother me more about my age when its a little closer to the wedding. I think its on the back burner for most people now.

Post # 12
Member
2448 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We were together for almost 3 years. I was 23 when we met and he was 29. He was trying to get into the Director’s Guild, I was just starting out in my career, we had a big move pending across the country, we had just started caring for the first furry addition to our household. Honestly, we were too busy living our lives to get engaged. Time moved so quickly, it was like the blink of an eye. We did talk about getting married often though and kind of set a little timeline for ourselves. At no point was i wondering IF he was going to propose, it was more of a WHEN (which was a fabulous surprise when it did happen). I like being engaged now, our relationship is very solid, we’ve been through a lot, and I feel significantly more mature than I was at 23.

Post # 14
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We waited seven years before we got engaged, and I’m so glad we did. My fiance, though it pains me to say this, was incredibly immature when we first starting dating. To be fair we started dating when we were 21. Even though I loved him, I would never have married him before the age of 25 because neither one of us were in the right mindset to be married. Also, throw in the fact he was attending school in Phoenix and I was in school in New Orleans, distance played a huge part in why we waited so long. It wasn’t until I move to Phoenix just last year after finising my degree and landing a job that we got engaged. Even though we knew marriage was the ultimate plan, it didn’t make sense to us to rush marriage when 1) we weren’t living in the same state; 2) I wasn’t done with law school; and 3) we weren’t financially stable with only one income. Now we’re living together, saving for our future, and planning our dream wedding. Though it was horrible to wait that last year because by then I really wanted to be engaged, it was worth it in the long run for us at least. 

Post # 15
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrNavidson:  Now I’m really curious how old you are lol.

Post # 16
Member
2448 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrNavidson:  Thanks! I forgot to mention, we lived together for 2.5 years as well and I moved across the country (we do a lot of moving back and forth across the US lol) to live with him when I was 23. I think living together makes things seem very solid in a relationship, at least it did for me.

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