Post # 1
Im writing tonight to hopefully get some insight from other bees. We are getting married in two weeks. The last few months I have felt that Im ready for a baby. The problem is my partner is not ready. He wants to do more travel first, overseas travel. Though we wouldnt go away now till mid 2013 which means waiting at least another 3 years. I completely understand that once a bub comes along life will change dramatically with the fact that we wont be able to go on overseas holidays.
tonight I mentioned it again. I asked if we wanted to talk about me going off the pill. He doesnt.
Why does it upset me so much? He has every right not to feel ready. Its a life changing event bringing a child into the world. I dont wont to force the issue and have any resent in the future. So of course I will wait until he is ready and wanting to try. It doesnt stop me feeling sad though
I guess although I see that we wont be able to go overseas I dont see it really changing much else in our lives. We are dairy farmers, we (mainly he) works 365 days a year, rain hail or shine. We dont get holidays or any days off unless we really really plan for it. Like our honeymoon. We pay ppl to come milk our cows for 3 1/2 weeks. But that is the ONLY time off we will have for the rest of the year. Actually until we can organise another relief milker in.
Im telling you this to give a bit of a background. We dont go out every weekend. We dont go partying/drinking. We are up early every morning. He looks after most of the farm stuff and I do the house stuff and some farm stuff.
So thats my story. Was just wondering if anyone else is feeling like this? OR have felt like this in the past?
Post # 3
I think it’s pretty naive to think that a baby won’t change anything just because you don’t go out much, and get up early already. A baby changes a lot; it’s not just getting up early, it’s one of you getting up in the middle of the night to feed it, despite having to get up early; it’s not just about not being able to go out much, it’s about not having time alone as a couple; it’s about having extra stress and duties on top of those you already have (if you both work on the farm, how will this work with a baby? You will be spending most of your time looking after the baby, so will your OH be able to cope with the farm on his own, or will you need to employ an extra member of staff? How will you finance this?). You will be tired, and stressed; a lot of parents who are honest will tell you that having a child affected their relationship, because suddenly there’s another person to look after, and that can put a strain on even the strongest relationships. You might well be fairly unaffected give your main duties are looking after the work; but what about him? Put yourself in his shoes: you’ve got up at the crack of dawn and worked hard all day on the farm. What do you want to do in the evening? Put your feet up and enjoy a leisurely dinner and some quiet time, or have to deal with a crying baby that needs bathing, changing, feeding, putting to bed, and so on?
I don’t think it’s wrong to want to TTC, and to be upset that you have to wait. But I think your view is a little naive; things DO change when you have a child, whatever your situation, which is why it is absolutely essential that both of you are totally committed to having a child, and are 100% sure it is what you want, and that you are ready for it.
Post # 4
@barbie86: Sorry if I come across as naive. Being a live in nanny for 6 years has given me a complete understanding of what is required, the hours, the late nights, the loss of alone time.
Post # 5
I find it interesting that your Fiance says he wants to travel but the two of you are dairy farmers and you don’t really have the opportunity to travel even without a child. You probably shouldn’t have a child before he is ready, but what is going to happen in the next three years where you will be able to leave the farm and travel?
Post # 6
@2ndtime: We can on the occasion in Feb or June organise pp to come farm sit. We very luckily found a couple that are like travellin g dairy farmers. They travel all around Australia farm sitting. But we are very restricted in times we can go, like I said Feb and June is it as we calve etc so its too much responsibility on others.
Post # 7
@samanthajkellie: How old are you? How long have you and your Fiance been together?
If you are younger, maybe it’s not such a bad idea to take some time to just be newlyweds and do a little travel before having kids.
Maybe talk to your Fiance and see if he’s comfortable agreeing to a timeline to start TTC (i.e. maybe the Summer/Fall of 2013. That way you have a timeline laid out, but can still take the time you need for him to be ready.
It sounds like you are already so tied down by the farm, he’s not ready to be “tied down” by kids as well quite yet.