Post # 1
Why does my mother balk at me flying home?
My dad is dying. It’s just a matter of month(s) now. He’s not bedridden but he’s going downhill.
I flew home in January, March (with FI) and May. I plan to go now in June with Fiance again, maybe July (could be getting close here).
My mother – every time I say I think I’m going to fly home gain – is like “WHY? You were just here! Just save your money.”
WTF?!?!?! This irks me beyond belief. I am just not ready to see my dad lying in a casket, not yet. I feel like I have another trip I can get in while he’s still lucid
I finally asked, “What is your deal with me flying home? Isn’t it getting close now??” My Fiance wants to see my dad one more time lucid (it’ll be his 3rd time meeting my dad). Then she gets all defensive, “Whatever! It’s your money, do what you want! That great you can drop $400 on tickets whenever you feel like it! But yes it is getting close.”
She is jealous. She is jealous that we have the funds to do this. She’s jealous that my dad is getting all this attention. The last one she admitted, which is why a few months ago she was talking about KILLING herself so she could get more attention. Under normal conditions I only fly home 2x a year. She’s already thinking I’ll go back to that rate after he is gone I think.
Post # 3
Before I got to the end I was thinking maybe it’s just reality setting in that your dad’s health is really getting that terrible. But then I got to the end and all I could say was “WOW.”
Post # 6
I’m so sorry you have to deal with losing your dad 🙁 Maybe your mom is just having a hard time coming to terms with what’s happening, and not dealing with it very well? Maybe she is lashing out because there is nobody else to blame? It’s not fair, it’s certainly not right, but maybe this has just been too much for her.
Maybe not, maybe she is just cray-cray, but I’m one of those “benefit of the doubt” people.
Either way, I’m sending you BIG WARM WEBERNET HUGS!!!!!!
Post # 8
Yikes, wow. I am so sorry 🙁
Post # 9
@sienna76: Wow at your crazy mother! 🙁
ETA: I think I sent my hugs last time you mentioned your dad, but just in case I didn’t… ((hugs)).
Post # 10
She may be havving severe deppressive issues stemming from your father’s death, i’d cut her some temporary slack. When my grandmother died, my entire extended family became a hot bed of crazy irrational behavior. Not fun…but also not your fault!
Post # 11
You know, I should not try to decipher crazy!
She’s a little craycray to start with. I think overall she’s just very self absorbed and has very low self esteem and yes is probably depressed at the moment. She’s generally unaware of things outside her own personal bubble.
We (my sisters and I) begged her to see a therapist because she’s damaging her relationships with her kids! She’s going to one now. I even called up this woman to report my mom’s suicide talk asking what to do. Plus she needs someone to talk to about dealing with my difficult dad.
Post # 12
oh. my. god. YOU JUST DESCRIBED MY OWN MOTHER. My dad is declining too (waiting for a transplant)…and my mom acts NUTS sometimes. She does the whole suicide talk thing too. IT MAKES IT SOOO MUCH HARDER. I wish our mothers knew that. It is bad enough to watch your dad decline, but to have to deal with the stress your mom puts on you when she says crap like that…..UGH. I am so sorry you are dealing with that. Truely. Just ignore what she says, and visit as much as you can. Not sure why some insecure people feel jealous of the attention given to someone who is dying. just can’t wrap my head around that. 🙁 hugs.
Post # 13
To be fair, her husband is dying. Surely she is not in a completely stable state of mind. Why do you automatically assume that her sucidal thoughts and acting out is because she’s self-centered and trying to get attention? Maybe she’s actually just depressed over the fact that her husband is dying? I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt and cut her some slack.
I’m sorry you and your family are going through such a difficult time. 🙁
Post # 14
This is insane. Being a wife and a mother, the only thing that could possibly comfort me during the dying process of my Darling Husband would be to have my children with me. There is something wrong with her. This is not normal.
Post # 15
@MrsFuzzyFace: But you have never actually been in that position so it’s ridiculous to say that it’s not normal. And yeah, something is wrong with her. Her freaking husband is dying!!!! People cope with stuff differently and what might work for you doesn’t always work for others.
Post # 16
maybe she feels that, if you come home your dad will feel you are saying goodbye, and the end will be nearer?
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this!