(Closed) Why does No kids = hate kids?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I really like kids.  But I want to be able to interact with them when I’m around them.  At a wedding reception, I simply won’t be able to.  It’s too hard to think of ways to entertain them.  And I’m having my reception at a small venue.

Post # 4
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I definitely do not think that not having kids at your wedding means that you hate kids! At all! I’m sorry people are making you feel bad but you shouldn’t πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I completely agree with you. Many brides who have no kids at reception do so for reasons other than hating kids. I can see how posts that say things like “Well, WE’RE having kids, because we love them!” could make you feel attacked. But I don’t think anyone means it in a judgmental manner. 

For me personally, I would love to have kids there, but we have no children in the family and no friends with children. So I’ll be having a kid-free wedding by default. I’m kind of jealous of all the brides who get to invite children πŸ™‚

Post # 6
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t hate kids but I don’t like kids.  I think of kids exactly how I think of any other human being.  Some I like and some I don’t. 

Granted kids are usually more limited and cuter and more disruptive.  But still.  I only know two kids, one of them I like and one of them I don’t like.  We are having kids at the wedding because we can’t avoid it (out of town guests) and I am sad about it because we are having an evening party where I hope people will drink and dance (I hate it when kids are on the dance floor for long because I like to dance) and we are going to have these people there who are attention sucks who I do not know and have zero relationship with and no realistic way to get to know them, you can get to know an adult at a party but not kids.  Oh well.  Nothing to be done.

Post # 7
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with you a bit KLP. People are free to voice their opinions, but like everything else wedding related the kids or no kids debate at your wedding is a personal choice.

We are only including kids 12 and older at our wedding. I didn’t want kids there at all, but compromised with my Mom. I love kids and family, but don’t feel that our wedding is the place for them to be. We are having a 5:30 ceremony with an evening reception. I want this to be primarily an adult event. I don’t want to provide a babysitter to be on site because I feel like that is not my responsibility. Parents should find their own babysitters. I attended a wedding last summer where a babysitter was hired to sit with kids in another room, but 90% of the kids were dancing and hanging out with their parents in the reception!

Another reason we are not having kids at our wedding is because our wedding is more formal. We are having a cocktail hour, plated dinner (that’s not inexpensive) and a band. I don’t think it’s the event for kids.

Like I said before. This is a personal choice and that doesn’t make me a kid hater! πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
3252 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

KLP: I feel the exact same way!! I’m a mother and I understand the whole parents love their kids thing…I really, really get that but I to am having a no kids wedding.

I totally understand your reasoning for having a no kids wedding.

Mines is that some ppl, not all, can not control their kids and I just want to be without that disruption for my day. Plain and simple.

Don’t feel bad. I get it.

Post # 9
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I definitely don’t think that no kids = hate kids! We wouldn’t be able to invite kids if there were a ton of them in our circle of friends, but we only have about 10 or so that are being invited, so it was a priority to us to make sure they fit in. I completely understand the people that don’t want kids at their wedding, though. If there were a ton of kids that would have to be invited, we would definitely think about not including them on the guest list!

Post # 10
Member
815 posts
Busy bee

I agree with you.  It’s really hurtful that people interpret “adult reception only” as “we don’t like kids, so don’t bring ’em.”  And in all honesty, sure, there has to be some people that really don’t like the thought of having kids at their wedding.  But speaking for myself (FI and myself), we want kids at our wedding.  But right now it doesn’t look like that will be possible because of the cost and the guest list.  As catering costs are concerned, there will only be a slight discount for a portion of the kids meals and the rest would cost the same as an adult meal, which is not in our budget and frankly it’s wasteful.  And we really need to keep our guest list to about 100 people, to keep the space comfortable for everyone.  But we’ll see. 

 

EDIT:  I don’t mean this as a comment to other posts.  I was referring to the response I get from people in general.  Sorry, I guess I haven’t been keeping up with the boards as much as I used to!

Post # 11
Member
5763 posts
Bee Keeper

I think there are far more posts on this site about NO kids than there are about those including them. It’s just another one of those things that most people feel very strongly about,but not usually until they’re planning a wedding and thinking about location and budgets. I wouldn’t take those opinions personally,tho. Most people do what’s best for them.

Post # 12
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

haha don’t let it get to you. remember, this is the judgment-free wedding board!

If you don’t want kids there, that’s great! Those that do, that’s great too!

Don’t feel like you have to reason or explain to others one way or another. Its perfectly acceptable to not have kids now a days. and I’m sure its a big thing depending on what region you live in.

We’re not having kids and we’re even planning on trying for our own shortly after the wedding! haha – don’t sweat it πŸ™‚ I asked my cousins with kids if they wanted them invited or not — and they all said they’d rather get sitters and have a good time kid-free! So that’s what we did.

And honestly, I’ll admit being selfishly concerned with their behavior. I’ve just never cared for them running on the dance floor during people’s first dances, or being front and center in the pictures of the cake cutting, or crying during vow exchanges. – There’s a wedding for everyone – some have kids, some dont! We’re all getting married, and that’s the important part. πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t think anyone said no kids = I hate kids. There have been a lot of posts about why not to include kids, so I don’t think it’s unfair to have a post about why to include kids.  We had kids and we had none of the problems people suggest might occur, but we had the reception in my IL back yard so cost was not an issue for including them, so if cost or space or there were a ton of kids, we might not have been able to include them, but I don’t think it’s bad to say or insulting to anyone to say that for me I was happy we could include them and it was fun having them around.

Post # 14
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with you. I think that it’s a common restriction and completely understandable. We fight with our capacity numbers vs. guest list, and if we had more than five or six kids attending, I think we’d strongly consider making it adults only. 

I mentioned this in a few other posts, but the only time it really irks me is if someone says they have a “no children 21 or under” kids policy. Young adults ages 18-21 aren’t kids. That just offends me as a responsible, bill-paying, hard-working, engaged 20 year old very personally.

Post # 15
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I can’t understand why people think not having children at a wedding means you just don’t like them.  We’re not having them and I adore them.  We weren’t concerned about their behavior.  It was a matter of having their parents enjoy themselves.  And a lot of children don’t really want to be at weddings.  Not only that, but my parents are paying for the venue, and they don’t want to pay so much for kids that won’t really eat a lot.

Post # 16
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

ditto @jennifer. i LOVE kids… i teach the best 6th grade girls at church for Sunday School… and i practically raised my baby cousins…

we aren’t having kids at the wedding, because i think it’s not a good time for them and it’s not a good time for their parents! besides my cousin that is 8 years old… there will be no kiddies at our wedding.

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