(Closed) Why does No kids = hate kids?

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think kids are great, especially if they are our baby cousins, nieces and nephews. BUT all I keep thinking of is my friend’s first dance and 3-4 tiny munchkins running around on the dance floor during a very romantic song 🙁 Not sure where the parents were!

Post # 18
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@lilyfaith I know some of that might be because of venue restrictions. If we have anyone under 21 at our reception we have to pay another 500$ dollars.

So we’re just lying and saying our 20ish cousins are 21.  But don’t necessarily blame the bride&groom – they may have “no ‘kids’ under 21” rules because of budget restrictions.

Post # 19
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I get this vibe too haha

I like kids well enough.  I’m going to have my own someday.  But in my personal opinion, a formal evening wedding is not a place for children.  In my family, a wedding is a big party (we’re Irish) and you don’t bring your children.  We NEVER went to weddings as kids.  My parents got dressed up, called a babysitter, and went out for the night.

I would imagine that kids would be bored out of their minds at my wedding.  The ceremony is in a park, and the reception is at a country club.  There’s going to be an open bar and fancy food.  Not really the best time ever for a kid.

edit @lilyfaith: we’re considering anyone under 15 to be a “kid” as that’s my youngest bridesmaid.  Typically I would consider 16 or 18 and under.

Post # 20
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Honestly I would LOVE to have a kid free affair with a more adult atmosphere, but that’s not because I don’t like kids. However in my case, family politics meant that I’d need to do this and it’s not worth it enough for me to fight with it.

 

Post # 21
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@sahsabahs – thanks for posting that! Those sorts of restrictions make much more sense to me. I guess I would just ask that if actually restricting guests under 21, people would be more respectful about it. I honestly would understand not being invited to a wedding for a myriad of reasons concerning budget, etc. But when people just say “no kids under 21” it gets to me without further explanation. 

ETA @ hotchild – that makes sense to me. Honestly, I had never heard of “no kids 21 and under” it until the Bee! I don’t think it’s the norm by any stretch of the imagination, and it’s certainly not what I think of when I hear “no kids” which is why it shocked me. 

Post # 22
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve felt that no kids= hate kids to some people. We aren’t engaged yet and we already decided NO KIDS. Point blank. We like some kids. He has a 10yr old son and I teach. ‘Nuff said.

We like SOME kids. All kids aren’t well behaved. All kids do not sit and listen to their parents. SOME parents let their kids run around and act a plum fool. Some parents think it’s cute if their kid runs around a church, snarling like a dog.

True story- My cousin got married last year and his wife had her little cousin as the ring bearer. It was a known fact this kid was bad, even got kicked out of preschool, but she put him in there anyway (why?) so he goes up the aisle, breaks into a run and runs around the bridesmaids and grooms men for a while, then ends up at my cousin’s feet with the pillow in his mouth, like a dog. People in her family are laughing. WHY???

That is the type of thing I don’t want. Then I’LL be the bad guy because I stopped the wedding to chew a kid and their parents out.LOL I can’t deal with that foolishness when we’ve paid money for OUR wedding.

Post # 23
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I dont think that it means if you dont invite kids that you hate them. If I didnt have a son and if 90% of my family wasnt kids I wouldnt invite them either. What bugs me is the woman who put a stereotype on kids and say stupid things like “I dont want no screaming flower girl, or screaming baby during my ceremoney” Those woman just make themselves look ignorant and are REALLLLY going to get a wake up call when they become parents.

   I can agree with the “No kid” rule but PLEASE dont sound so stupid about it. You dont know kids till you have them. Thats just my oppinion! =)

Post # 24
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I dont have a problem with the no kids rule for weddings its your day do whatever you like. I think the thing that bothers me the most is that some brides feel like if a parent decides to come they werent truly a friend anyway or how dare they not want to be separated from their infant-toddler for 7-8 hours to attend their wedding. If I am being respectful of your day by not bringing my child because you fear she might ruin your day then please be respectful of my decision not to come because my child is my priority.

Post # 25
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

DITTO SWEETNOTE!!!!!!! I like the way you write!!! =)

Post # 26
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree. I didn’t want kids at my reception because I don’t get to see my friends and family as much as I want to and so our wedding would be able to get us all together. The way I view it, I want my them to relax and have fun. If their kids are there, regardless of age, they would have to worry about them. I wanted it to be a nice night away from their kids. But apparently my friends/family that are parents don’t see it the same way.

Post # 27
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee

oh man, that’s terrible that the kid did that @MsMamaBear but I also know things like that to happen.  Some of my cousins used to throw tantrums in public while we were at nice restaraunts and it was so unfair to the people around us & waitstaff, not to mention there are several children who throw tantrums during Mass (church) and their parents don’t escort them out!  When I was younger, if I acted like that I would be yelled at publically, enough humiliation to almost put me in tears!  I think what I hate the most is when parents chalk it up to their children being “spirited” or in some cases leaving it to gender stereotyping like “boys will be boys”…honestly, it’s poor parenting.

It’s unfortunate some and I can argue a few or a minority of children are unruly and kind of make the entire bunch uncomfortable to invite.  While I’m inviting children to the wedding (not that I really want to but want to keep peace with family), I think budgeting is a huge factor.  It’s really difficult inviting guests who have 3+ children especially if you’re a college student trying to pay for it yourself (like me).

I don’t hate kids and I look forward to the day I can procreate or adopt, I think children are so important and what/how we treat them will really dictate how they’ll behave as adults.

On a final note, I wonder how well children will learn etiquette of weddings or experience them if they are never invited–not that it should be at the cost of someone’s special event.. 

Post # 28
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t think think there is anything wrong with saying that I don’t want a screaming baby or flower girl during my ceremony. Because, well, I don’t. I’m sure the “stupid woman” bee that was are referred to somewhere in this post feels the same as many bees. It isn’t a stupid or cold-hearted comment. Let’s be honest, I can’t think of a whole lot of brides who are thinking “Man! I really, really hope my friend’s baby is hungry and starts to wail right in the middle of my vows!”

The reason it is a stereotype is because it is true. No, certainly not all children are screaming tempter-tantrum throwing brats. Saying that would be a negative stereotype. But, all babies and children do cry at some point or another in their lives when they need something, and when they cry is unpredictible. And if they are hungry or wet or scared during your ceremony – they may very well cry.

I love kids, I work with kids every single day as my career, all of my and my fiance’s siblings have young children (8 under the age of 7 in fact….and thats JUST our siblings). I’m not a stupid woman, ignorant, or a kid-hater. But I will agree with that woman and say: I don’t want a crying baby at my ceremony. That’s just how it is. I want to savor how sacred and special the vows I am saying are, and for all the people who are traveling thousands of miles to attend my ceremony, I’m sure they want to hear my vows and not an infant’s crying. This is not a rude thing to say, simply a fact, said with love for my fiance, respect for our union, and respect and love for the guests attending our ceremony. Children are a blessing, but there are just some things that work a little better without crying in the background. And wedding vows, in my opinion, are one of those things for me. Every bride is different though 🙂

Post # 30
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

for me im not having kids mostly because of PARENTS. Some parents dont know how to properly teach their children to behave, some parents DONT care if their parents behave. and theres no one on this board who hasnt been to a restaurant that was definately not “kid friendly” and been interrupted by some 4 year old tearing around the tables like a holy terror. thats not the kid’s fault, thats the PARENTS fault.

My father is a minister, and we grew up in the church, learning you DIDNT MAKE A PEEP – because alot of the time mom or dad were in the pulpit and were out of arms length so we had to learn to behave when it warranted. They were responsible about it.

true story, my mom was leading missionary day at church and actually saw me and my sister giggling and misbehaving around in the pews from the pulpit, she didnt break a sentence, just walked outof the pulpit still talking to come down into the pews and spank us both for misbehaving told us to sit like ladies and behave or else, and calmly went back into the pulpit. we didnt make a peep for the rest of the service. it was stuff like that that taught us that there is a time and place for everything.

that being said, i know kids learn how to behave by BEING in certain situations and learning how others act, but quite frankly after i have paid thousands of dollars for my wedding and my day (not to mention an expensive videographer) i dont want MY wedding to be the practice.

i get kids misbehave, i get that they are people and will express themselves and be noisy and etc. but its also my choice to try and control my environment as much as possible because i am paying for it.

so if i choose to ask my guests to keep their children at home for MY peace of mind, please accept that its not that i “hate” children, or am self absorbed because i cant “get over” having a kid running around acting bad, its because i PAID FOR MY DAY, have a vision for my day, and it doesnt include those things. if the parents cant accept that, then fine, no problem, not a judgement on the parents relationship with me and FH, they can just stay at home.

i just get annoyed when parents try and pressure me into having children because they KNOW their little angel is perfect. um. no one is perfect. and no kids at wedding.

oh and for the 18 vs 21 thing – if we have people UNDER the age of 21, we have to pay extra for someone to monitor the alcohol intake and pay for insurance if someone underage drinks etc. so while i consider someone an adult after 18, for the purpose of the wedding its 21 and up (like a club…)

i think people take this way too personally. wedding invitations are just that, invitations. you arent obligated to come. so if you dont like the no kids policy, just dont go, but dont judge people because they arent having kids at the wedding.

Post # 31
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@KLP2010- I think you are definitely correct in there have been a ton of no kid at wedding threads lately and at times I have felt kind of offending by the generalized comments on how people think all kids will act. I know I have read also that because I choose not to come to the wedding because of my daughter then I wasnt a good friend anyway. Personally I respect everyone’s decision regarding having children or not at their wedding and I do realize that sometimes their venue will not support it.

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