@spaganya – those sorts of restrictions don’t bother me unless they’re phrased as if a 19-20 year old is a kid. (Obviously you explained your situation nicely and never implied it.) I think, though, that others don’t think before they speak and assume that it’s it wouldn’t be offensive at all to lump young adults in with kids.
I know to most people, it’s not a big deal. But I live with this stereotype every single day, and so even the littlest bits hit home.
It sounds silly, but it just makes me so mad. It frustrates me to no end that here I was on my own at 18, working two jobs to put myself through school, and I’ve succeeded. I’m now engaged and planning a wedding, still working (one job now, thank goodness) and still going to school full-time. I pay rent, I pay bills, I have student loans and grants, etc. I am responsible for the well-being of three animals, and I am in the process of committing my life to another person for the rest of our lives, damn it! I am not a kid!
It wouldn’t frustrate me nearly as much if wedding pros, random people, etc, didn’t make the same mistakes. I think people often refer back to where they were at that point in life, or where so and so is, and think that it’s okay to put a blanket judgment on everyone. But nothing makes me want to pull out my hair more than someone who says, “when you graduate and have to deal with the real world” or whatever. And even though calling someone under 21 a kid isn’t expressly saying that, it’s adding to that stigma of people under 21 relying on their parents and not acting as contributing adults in our society.
@KLP – I’m really glad you posted this thread. I think there are so many defense mechanisms that go up in regards to no kids policies, on both sides. Ultimately, though, you’ll be having a beautiful wedding and I think it’s perfectly reasonable to have restrictions on who can come. Most people don’t have an unlimited budget or capacity, and some people would rather kids not attend for other reasons. There’s nothing wrong about that, and if a guest doesn’t like it, that is their decision. I’m not sure why there’s such a stigma against no-kids policies when it’s pretty much the same thing as a destination wedding – if you don’t like it or can’t make the logistics work, you send your regrets.