Post # 1
I need some help…
My future sister-in-law constantly feels the need to remind me how lucky and fortunate I am to have found such a great guy (her big brother). Fiance and his sister are pretty close in age (2 years apart) and they are a very close-knit family and I have no complaints about that at all. I love that they have each other’s backs, but I don’t understand why whenever she and I are out together, just the two of us, that she always tells me how great her brother is and that I’m so lucky to be with someone like him. Why does she do that?!
I don’t have any brothers and to be honest, the brother-sister dynamic has always fascinated me (I guess because I only have an older sister), so is she just being protective of her big bro? I mentioned it to Fiance the first time it happened and he shrugged it off as his sister being “Cute” and so I didn’t think anything of it. But now that it’s happened at least 3 more times, I am almost insulted that she keeps mentioning it and I definitely don’t want to hang out with her as much because I don’t need to be reminded how wonderful he is—I already know, that’s why I’m marrying him!!
She and I normally get along great and it’s not like she doesn’t know who I am. Fiance and I have been best friends since 7th grade (we’re 27 now), so she knows our history. Am I over-reacting to a little sister looking out for her big brother? I just think that she only needed to say it once (if even that many times) and stop bringing it up. I’m starting to get the feeling that she doesn’t think I’m good enough for her brother which is really hurtful. Thoughts?
Post # 3
She’s probably having a difficult time with the fact that she won’t be his ‘only girl’ anymore. I can understand how it would feel hurtful to you, but try not to let it bother you and harm your relationship with her. It’s a true case of “it’s not YOU, it’s HER.”
Post # 4
I have a brother about 2 yrs older than me, and me & his girlfriend hang out a lot! So at first I was like…Is this sidney? LOL but then I kept reading 🙂
I don’t think you have anything to worry about…some little sisters feel the need to do that. It is weird that she keeps bringing it up, but maybe she feels like that’s the only thing yall have to talk about? Not too sure. I know what you mean though, it’s not like you can just come out & say “I KNOW I’m lucky…why do you keep reminding me?!” even though you WANT to.
Honestly, I don’t know why she’s saying that. Maybe next time yall could talk about other things that yours & her big brother’s relationship.
This is a tuffy, I never say that to my brothers girlfriend…I normally leave their relationship OUT of the conversation when we hang out because I don’t want to know much about my brothers love life..so we just talk about girl stuff. Maybe she just likes you a lot & wants to keep you around?! Or maybe she just thinks very highly of your brother OR maybe he talks about you a lot & that’s why she’s saying it?!?!?! Who knows, confuses me too!
Post # 5
@Krissy — Thanks! You’re probably right, she’s having a hard time adjusting. She seems very excited at having a “sister” in me, but she just doesn’t want to share her brother (that sounds weird). I guess I just need to let it roll off my back.
@Lees — LOL, that’s funny! Thank you for your advice. I really don’t understand the brother-sister relationship so I’m glad you posted. She and I are usually on really good terms and I’m so glad that we’re friends. Yeah, it’s a mystery, for sure. Maybe she’ll stop saying it…I just hope it doesn’t continue after we’re married because if it does, I’ll probably end up saying something then 😉
Post # 6
I have a great brother who’s a wonderful and kind person and I’d probably think that any girl who ends up being with him would be very lucky. Would I say that to her? Probably, but not in a bad way and wouldn’t want her to take it the wrong way. I don’t think I’d keep repeating that, either, like your Future Sister-In-Law is doing. I think I’d just want to make sure that the girl really appreciates him. It wouldn’t be implying that my brother is unlucky to have her. lol
It sounds like your Future Sister-In-Law and you get along well so she’s not saying anything like he’s too good for you or anything. I wouldn’t take it personally – I think she’s just being a bit too protective, and nothing more.
Post # 7
@Nic: Yeah, after you’re married I would def. say something. I’m glad I was able to help!!
Post # 8
I agree that she’s probably having problems with the fact that she’s not going to be his ‘only’ girl now. He is completely devoted to you once you get married and legally you come first.
If I were you, the next time she says that I would say something like “I like to think we’re both lucky” and give a little wink. In other words “SHUT YOUR FAT FACE!”
Post # 9
I would chalk it up to a general woman’s statement of “men suck, but not this one!”
I totally get the “BF is so awesome!” from his mom/sister(/random people on the street, seriously), and when his dad and I would be alone, his dad would start bragging about how awesome Boyfriend or Best Friend is.
I figure smile and nod, I already know how awesome he is, why else would I stay around?
Post # 10
I agree, she’s having trouble giving him up! Since they are close, she probably got doted on and taken care of and I bet she misses that. Older brothers really look out for their little sisters a lot, ya know?
But i agree that it’d easily get annoying…kinda weird after some time, ya know? I think it’s weird when ANYBODY goes on gushing and gushing though. Not my thing.
Post # 11
@ModernDaisy — LOL, that’s perfect! I love read-between-the-lines gestures! haha!
@ejs — You’re absolutely right; he has been there for her entire life and she’s probably thinking about that a lot and I need to be more understanding of what she’s going through.
Post # 12
Maybe he’s been mistreated in the past? Siblings are very protective of each other. My brother has dated some bad girls and to be honest, his Fiance has not made a very good impression on me so far. I cope by not talking to her at all. My mom, though, has made similar comments to his Fiance about what a good guy he is. I think she just wants to be sure that the Fiance realizes that we have his back and that she needs to be SURE about marrying him because if she breaks his heart, we will not be pleased.
If you two have a good realtionship though? I dunno.
Post # 13
I don’t get this whole terrirtorial relationship family members have (especially when it a woman and man dynamic i.e mother and son, brother and sister). What’s the deal? We’re not kidnapping them to a far off place at sea, with no chance of return!! Relax ladies! You will still have your “precious” son/brother in your life, us brides are not husband thieves in training…we just love him as much as you do!
Post # 14
Is she in a relationship? If not, maybe she’s saying it more as “You’re so lucky to have found such a great guy” because she is wishing that she she had a guy in her life like her brother, to share things with? Maybe she sees the way you are together, and how much you love each other, and that’s why she’s saying you’re lucky to be with him, because she sees how great you two are together and wants that for herself?
Post # 15
This happened to me too!!!!!! But it was with his MOM – ewww…. At first she would say how lucky I was to be getting him and I would (of course) agree! I was lucky. But you know what, he’s lucky too.
Frankly, I think this is a passive-aggressive dig that is meant to tell me that he is “out of my league” or “i’m not good enough for him”. His mom is famous for these kinds of comments. She would also pull the territorial bull$hit like trying to let me know that she knew him better about all kinds of stupid little things…ridiculous! She should have just peed on him and gotten over it!
So after this happened about 25 times I was getting REALLY fed up. Luckily, at one point I finally had backup! She started in on this at my wedding shower. I had told my Mom about this behavior and my Mom jumped right in and responded to her by saying, “Yes, they are going to make such a great pair, aren’t they! MrsK is such a great catch too! After all, isn’t MrK lucky to have such a great, smart, wife, entertainer, party host, cook, baker, highly educated, fun, sweet, etc. etc. etc. woman!!!!”
It was a great and classy way to shut her up!
Post # 16
@Corgi — you bring up a really good point seeing as he has been burned before and she was there to witness it all. I can see how that could be a point of contension for her.
@Crazy bee–haha, actually that was my evil plan all along! I wanted to spend 14 years getting close to him so that I could steal him away to a far of place the day after the wedding 😉 LOL. In all seriousness, we moved CLOSER to his family. My family relocated to MA and we were living out there up until last summer when we moved back to western NY to be closer to his family (it was one of many reasons).
@jhphi –yes, she is in a relationship. She’s been with her Boyfriend or Best Friend just over a year and sees herself getting engaged to him in the near future. I don’t think she meant it that way, but you brought up another good point!