(Closed) why does she think she is invited to our rehearsal? grr

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I agree that there’s no reason FI’s aunt should be involved but I’m wondering if there would be any fallout from FI’s parents if the aunt is told she’s not invited?  How is your relationship with FI’s parents?  Would his mom stand up for you guys?  Or would she like to have her sister there regardless of whether or not she’s part of the wedding proceedings? 

It could be a tougher situation if it’s you and Fiance ‘against’ everyone else in this…
Does his mom know that you both don’t want the aunt there?  Or is there a way Fiance can delicately word a response saying that the rehearsal dinner is going to be a small gathering for the bridal party to get to know one another a bit better before the big day?  Aunt does not equal bridal party!

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh, our aunts came to our rehearsal dinner. It’s the “norm” in some families. For us it was bridal party and their dates, parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Is it possible she’s just assuming that’s the case?

Post # 5
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Is your rehearsal the day before the wedding? Maybe his parents invited her to it because she’s traveling from out of town, so they thought it would be a nice gesture and that it’s their call since they’re the ones hosting it. You’ll have to talk to them to figure out why she thinks she’s invited.

If the only people at the rehearsal dinner are going to be people actually taking part in the ceremony, then I think it’s fine to talk to your FI’s parents about that and how you feel it would be inappropriate to invite her but not your aunts, etc.

Post # 6
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with ejs – in some families, rehersal dinners are the FAMILY (parents, granparents, aunts/uncles) as well as the wedding party. Weddings are technically a “family” event so even if she isn’t involved in your wedding physically or emotionally she may just be thinking her nephew is getting married so x,y,z will take place.

As for your relationship with her, perhaps with the wedding things will simmer? 

Post # 7
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Talk to FI’s parents.  If they understand your point of view then you can politely tell her that the Rehearsal Dinner is just for the wedding party and immediate family (parents, siblings, etc).  Tell her you look forward to seeing her at the ceremony and reception.

However, if the FI’s parents don’t want to offend her or whatever, then I think you should suck it up and let them bring her.  They are paying for the event and it is really only one person. 

At least you know shes bringing you a present!  She could be showing up empty handed!

Post # 8
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think that your rehearsal should include whomever you want and if you’re strictly sticking to your wedding party/dates and immediate family, then you need to speak with his mom about the guest list. I think she sounds very rude and one of those people that think they are right no matter how wrong they are in their actions. I’m sorry she’s been very judgmental and unkind to you. If you 2 have a problem with this, you need to be honest and speak up. Remember it is your wedding and if you don’t speak up and it still bothers you, then it can’t be helped.

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ouch, that’s tough.  I initially would wouldn’t want her there either but its a good think you didn’t come to a final decision before talking to her because if it could potentially cause drama, which is sounds like it might, then it may not be worth it to not invite her.  Speak to your Future Mother-In-Law, be sure you know what your Fiance would like to do and from there make your decision.  Sometimes close family is invited but its ok if they’re not too.  And, if she does end up coming, its your party so feel free to ignore the crap out of her!  Lol 🙂

Post # 12
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree good Idea to run it past Fiance parents before you respond. However; seeing as no other aunts are being invited (except those who have helped out a lot) I don’t think your in the wrong to say that it’s just immediate family. That is the truth and that was the intent from the beginning. I don’t think your in the wrong at all. Hopefully Fiance parents will agree & you can kindly reply that it’s just the wedding party & helpers!

Post # 13
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh my!  Tell her so needs to take a chill pill!  She is acting like she is the mother of the bride or something!  If she’s not even nice to you, why should she be invited to YOUR rehersal dinner!  Just as long as his parents aren’t going to be mad if she isn’t invited I say can her!  Bye bye aunt from hell!

 

Good luck my dear!

Post # 14
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We are inviting family to the rehearsal dinner. My mom insists. But, we’re being equal on both sides, i.e. all aunts or no aunts. FI’s parents should let her know that you are trying to keep the dinner small and only the wedding party and parents are invited. If FIs parents are still on vacation let the aunt know that they are hosting and she should contact them.

Post # 15
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

If I were you, as hard as it sounds, I would leave the decision up to FI’s parents. Believe it or not, that’s actually the easy way out. I would tell Fiance to respond to her email saying to contact his parents and ask if she is invited – that they have the guest list and the details. And give his parents a heads-up that she is asking about the Rehearsal Dinner and while you never planned on extending the invitation to any aunts, since they are hosting you will respect their decision either way.

That way if THEY decide not to invite her for whatever reason: they don’t like her to begin with, the other aunts aren’t invited, etc. etc. then THEY have the burden of delivering the news and enforcing it. And also, this way the hosts of the dinner will feel good about the guest list as it was ultimately up to them. It is a win-win for everyone.

Post # 16
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

*This is what I’m doing for our Rehearsal Dinner, FI’s parents are hosting it and we are leaving the guest list up to them. In our situation, there isn’t anyone I DON’T want to come, I love everyone in both of our families, but it’s a matter of budget. So beyond the actual wedding party + dates, FI’s parents decide who gets invited.

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