Post # 1
I’ve always been curious about this. Since its mostly women here, I’m gearing this toward the other woman but everything I’m saying would also apply to the other man as well.
So, a man is cheating on his wife. You know exactly one thing about him for sure – he’s a liar – because he’s lying to his wife every second of every day.
So in order to look like the victim and not the total sack of shit he is, he makes up excuses and justifications for his cheating that absolve him of any wrongdoing but make the cheated on spouse appear to be the villan:
- She’s mean/cruel/abusive to me.
- She doesn’t understand me.
- She’s frigid.
- I’m only staying for the kids.
- We’re really just roomates at this point – our marriage really ended years ago even though we’re still married and living together.
All total cliches’ yet the other women actually believe them! WHY?!? How can people be so willfully blind?
Post # 3
i find it strange when the wife gets mad at the other women. shouldn’t the wife be mad at her husband for cheating?
Post # 4
Maybe, in some cases, one or more of those things are right. I’m not saying I advocate cheating in any way or that there’s ever an excuse for it, BUT… if the relationship is going great and there wasn’t any issues, why would the man stray in the first place?
I also agree with the previous poster.. why is is that everyone is so quick to jump all over the other woman (or man), when really the person who is mostly in the wrong is the one who cheated?
And, for the record, at least 2 of those (possibly a 3rd) apply to my previous marriage… if I had met someone else while I was married it wouldn’t have been a lie if I had said those things to the other man.
Post # 5
@ajillity81: i agree with you if i did not know the women i would not be mad at her but these women out here that know and see he has a wife/FI/SO and do it that drives me crazy. its always the mans fault in my mind. ever seen the show Snapped??? love that show
Post # 6
To answer the question in your post title- Because she wants to.
It’s easier to justify the affair to herself if she believes that he is being hard done by in his relationship. To admit to herself that the guy is a loser, liar etc etc would say a lot about her choice in men and her desperation to settle for this type of relationship.
Post # 7
@Zhabeego: Isn’t love blind?
Post # 8
@ajillity81: Huh? What did I post that suggested anything about the wife’s feelings about the mistress?
But, I’ll bite – I think the cheated on spouse (whether its the husband or wife) has every right to be angry at both the cheating spouse and the person they’re cheating with. Being mad at the cheating partner doesn’t mean you’re not also angry with your cheating spouse.
Even if you’re not angry with the person they’re cheating with, I still wonder why the other woman/man still buys into what should be very transparent, obvious and self-serving lies.
Post # 9
@Zhabeego: Gosh, this site is obsessed with cheating lately. I think I started a trend with “the other woman” thread 😛
I think in some cases the “excuses” are actually true. If a man (or woman) is that unhappy in a marriage, then they should either decide to work on it or leave. I believe in that statement, but life isn’t always black and white. So, while the reasons may appear to be weak to you, they are true statements to others. It is easy to feel “trapped” and it is not always to leave. So, I guess it’s a bit of having your cake and eating it too.
Generally people believe things they want to believe. They are happy to turn a blind eye to the obvious and live in the “ignorance is bliss” world. Perception is reality and if you really like someone, you don’t want to believe that they are capable of having no moral compass. I do believe that cheating is wrong and I would never do it – but I don’t hold other people accountable to my own standards and I don’t judge their lives based solely on what I can see.
It’s a slippery slope, not everyone fits into one box.
Post # 10
@MrsPanda99: It’s a slippery slope, not everyone fits into one box.
+1 to this
Post # 11
I don’t understand how she could ever expect him to be honest with her or to treat her respectfully, if that is how he treats his wife (assuming she knows he is married).
Post # 12
@ajillity81: If the woman KNEW he was married, I could totally see the wife being mad at her, too. You don’t do that to another person.
Post # 13
@MrsPanda99: “Life isn’t always black and white…”
SAYS THE PANDA! lol <3
Post # 14
@Zhabeego: I think it’s great you are posting this. Why? Because awareness is key! And here’s your answer…coming from a FORMER “other woman”!!! Yep. You read it right!
Many years ago, when I had shot self-esteem and believed I deserved no better, I hooked up with many married men or men in relationships. With therapy and deep, personal introspetion, I am no longer “that girl” and in a happy relationship today, to be married to a wonderful man.
So something that is really important to remember is that she isn’t neccesarily believing his load of crap. It’s that ANY reason he uses will be okay, because she’s already ok with the behavior. In other words, the litmus is really, really low.
I’ve heard it all…”We have an open marriage”, “We haven’t had sex in _ months/years”, “I love her but only as a friend and can’t leave my best friend because we get along in every other way”, “She had an affair”, “She left months ago with no information…no idea what’s happening between us”, “No passion in our marriage” and so much else. But it didn’t matter what he said. It only mattered that I didn’t care enough about ME that I was willing to put up with less than I deserved.
So there ya have it. =)
Post # 15
Why does the wife always believe that all those complaints are “lies,” and their marriage was perfectly happy until some harlot came along and tempted away her adoring husband?
In matters of the heart, people often choose to believe whatever is most comfortable.
Post # 16
@Chrysoberyl: +1! lol!! I thought the same thing!