Why doesn't he propose to me after 10 years?

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 30
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

Propose to him yourself! Don’t feel like he has to be the one doing the proposing. It sounds like you’re ready to get married, so just be straightforward about it and tell him you want to get married to him. 

Post # 31
Member
5021 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

Ten years is a loooooooooooong time to wait for a proposal.  Much longer than I would have ever waited.  At this point you need to sit down with your SO to discuss what you each want for the future and make some concrete plans.

I don’t buy into his ignorance of not knowing how to propose.  A man who wants to marry a woman will figure it out.  They figure it out ALL the time.

Post # 32
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

I agree with j9marie. I don’t buy his supposed ignorance of how to propose / get engaged either — it just sounds like he’s stalling, especially since he used that line again when you asked the second time around. It’s not rocket science. 4 words. Will you marry me. Pretty simple. Just watching TV / movies  would have given him his answer if it really were a question. Some men do clever things to propose, but probably most just ask those 4 words, and neither method requires taking a course in order to do it.

When you have your discussion, talk about marriage, not just engagement, because it seems to me he might see engagement as a way to pacify you and a way to stretch that out for long periods of time too without getting to the marriage, making you think you crossed the first hurdle. Then after 10 years of engagement, you are still having to ask. He sounds to me like someone that is just content the way things are, so you need to know if he will really marry you or not.

Post # 33
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

I’ll be perfectly honest with you.  In my opinion, if he still hasn’t asked, he’s not sure you’re the one. My best friend dated a guy for 11 years and he never asked.  The next woman he dated, he proposed before they had even been together a year.  I’ve also had guys say the same thing to me.

 

You’ve told him how you feel already. If he doesn’t respect that, it might be time for you to reconsider if you want to waste anymore time in this relationship.  My friend now regrets giving that guy 11 years.  He’s now married with a baby and she’s still single.  

Post # 34
Member
6879 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
anniehel :  Wait…so you talked about it at around the 1-year mark…and haven’t talked about it since? So like…9 years of nothing but silently waiting and hoping?

That is ridiculous! 

It’s been 10 years. Either he wants to marry you or he doesn’t. He should know this by now and, unfortunately, all that you’ve posted here leads me to believe he does not want to marry you. 

Post # 35
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

If it took 10 years to move in (OUT???) together, let alone get engaged… you have your answer. 

 

Move on…

Post # 36
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

It sounds like he does not want you to marry you, it is best for you to move on and find a man that wants to marry you 

Post # 38
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

Propose to him.

Post # 39
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

I’ve also known of cases where a guy in a long relationship ended up marrying the next girlfriend relatively quickly. A man knows what he wants, and when you “listen” closely, the signs are always there. The trap is believing and making excuses for a guy because the girl wants so badly to stay in the relationship.

Some guys are good at tossing little breadcrumbs that lead nowhere but keep the girl perpetually guessing. Some girls don’t want to know the truth because it may end the relationship. However it’s much better to find out even if it means having to move on than being in a relationship that is not the best. Otherwise she is cheating herself out of a really great life. 

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