(Closed) Why doesn't my fiancé desire me?? Scared…

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Speaking to you as a nurse, he needs to see his doctor. He could be experiencing a decline in testosterone, have elevated blood pressure, pre diabetic, or prostate problems. He is at that age where things are changing in his health.

Post # 3
4383 posts
Honey bee

If you don’t suspect infidelity, it could be medical. He should have a complete checkup and be honest with his doctor about his libido.

Post # 4
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Could he be depressed? I think this is totally fixable!

Post # 5
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Does he have some external situation such as financial, job, friend or family issues going on? Is he getting enough sleep? I suspect it has zero to do with you and either an external distraction or like the other ladies said medical/psychological issue. The fact he is still affection is a great thing. 

Post # 7
2307 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

My husband was started on anti-depressants about a year ago, and experienced a steep decline in his libido. He just had his testosterone checked and it was on the low side. His doctor ordered testosterone injections monthly, and his libido went wayyyy up. It was almost instant. 

Your husband definitely needs his levels checked. If he hasn’t had a workup in a while, there are a lot of things that could be causing this. It’s not really all that normal for a man his age. I don’t know if he’s experiencing any erectile dysfunction, but that also could be part of it. Either way, he needs to be seen. I would talk to him, and ask him to go. Tell him how much it means to you for him to be healthy, and how you want to grow old with him. If he refuses to go, I would just make him an appointment, and tell him when it is, and that he’s going. 

Post # 8
9834 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I agree with PPs, it sounds medical or stress/job related. It could be partially due to his age, and the smoking may or may not impact it as well. I am not in the medical field so I can’t say.

I just mainly want to offer my support, as someone who is going through (and has gone through for a few years) the same thing, except slightly different circumstances.

Post # 9
4383 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
longislandbride2b:  pack a day smoker…yikes! I would make an appointment for him and tell him he has no choice. And I would make him quit smoking before I married him. But that’s just me.

Post # 10
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

View original reply

+1 He needs to have his hormones tested. If his testosterone levels are normal, there is likely a psychological issue. 

View original reply

Law enforcement is a very stressful career and since you mentioned that the decline in frequency started after your engagement, I’m wondering if your fiance is nervous about the commitment he is making. My husband is very stubborn and hates going to the doctor too, but he will go if I insist on it and help him realize that he is visiting the doctor for both of us. I tell my husband that I want him to live for as long as possible, so he needs to have a doctor check him out to make sure that he is healthy. 

You should be able to communicate with the man you’re about to marry about sex. Let him know that you are having second thoughts about getting married based on the lack of sex as well as his reluctance to discuss the problem. I couldn’t marry someone that I couldn’t have difficult conversations with and I make no apologies for prioritizing good sex in a relationship. Sex is more important than people care to admit. 

Post # 11
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Sounds like there could be some underlying health condition that could be affecting his libido. It is important for everybody to have regular health check ups so it is concerning that your fiance does not want to see a doctor, even if there is nothing wrong – health wise. His stubbornness on this matter would be a big deal to me and a condition that would need to be satisfied before I married him (If I were you). I dated someone for 4 years who refused to see a doctor or therapist for their issues and it was an absolute nightmare. 

If he is genuinely scared of doctors, then of course you must be supportive and not relentless and pushy, but he does need to go. 

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