(Closed) Why doesn't my mom want to help??

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s hard to make someone get involved. She probably has her own reasons for her reaction, and it is probably best to give her the benefit of a doubt and assume she’s excited but just not interested in the planning part. 

Be sure to involve her in the fun stuff that does not require her to work for you (e.g. bridal shower, picking items for the registry), so it doesn’t seem that you only want her to get involved when you need things. 

Post # 4
Member
46455 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do you think it has anything to do with the fact that you are older (than you were at your first marriage) and that it is your second marriage? She probably thinks you can handle everything just fine by yourself.

Post # 5
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Skype, email and google drive to share photos! My mum is really involved in planning my wedding and she lives in the UK and I live in Colorado. Ask your mum straight out if she wants to be involved or not, at least you will know where you stand. 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@amberj32:  I’m in a somewhat similar situation although my parents still live ten minutes away. They are not thrilled about my upcoming marriage and my mom is like me, not very “wedding-y.” They really like my fiance and everything and they’re happy that I’m happy but they aren’t able to afford to help pay for anything at all and I think that almost makes them want to shy away in addition to the fact that we are having a very untraditional, nonreligious ceremony and we are not having it in a church and my parents are Catholic. A long time ago, before Fiance and I got engaged, she actually told me she didn’t even know if she would be able to show up if I didn’t get married in the church and that really stung. It’s my day, not hers.. I don’t think my mom will want to help much if at all even though to me help means providing emotional support and maybe helping me pick out my dress or flavor of cupcakes, not paying for anything. I don’t think I can get her to understand that. Or maybe she does and she just doesn’t care because I’m not doing things her way. It is hurtful because we just want to share this time in our lives and not even being sure if your own mom will show up to your wedding for selfish reasons really sucks. I guess the best we can do is keep extending the olive branch and carry on. If my mom doesn’t want to be a part of the planning or show up, I will be heartbroken but that is her decision. Good luck and keep your head up and maybe our moms will come around. And if not, it is their loss!

Post # 7
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@amberj32:   I’m going to take a wild guess, and assume that because it is your 2nd marriage, she probably doesn’t feel the need to be all that involved.   That still doesn’t make it hurt any less, but it might be the reason.

 

My mom was gosh…unbelievably apathetic throughout the majority of my engagement.  She was a pain in the butt at most dress appointments, always was asking when it would be over, complained about the dresses I liked, was like “ugh do we have to go??”, etc etc.  She is just NOT a wedding-excitement person, at all.  And it hurt, has hurt, and continues to hurt. But she loves me, and she really really likes my fiance, so I am just dealing with it.  She’s getting more excited the closer it is getting, and she’s helped a bit.  I think we have to understand that sometimes, no matter how happy WE are about our upcoming nuptials…other people….just are not as excited, because its not their life.  And we can’t force them to be excited.  I just kept hammering at my mom and inviting her to all the different dress places, and we did food/cake tastings together, etc.  Its gotten better, but in the beginning I was hurt because it seemed like every other mom on the planet was THRILLED for their daughters and super involved, and my mom was not. 

 

You might try talking to your mom about it, heart to heart girl style.  Maybe she doesn’t realize that her actions are hurtful to you.   *hugs*  

Post # 9
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

My mom had been through 4 weddings before mine – my three older siblings, one who had been married twice.  I think she was just about done.  I’d keep her in the loop, but she was more of the “It’s your wedding, do what you want” type.  After first I was like WTF, but after reading some of the horror stories on here about overbearing mothers, i was kind of thankful.

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