(Closed) Why don't girls propose more often ? Or have you? share your stories!!

posted 4 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle

I did! Aaaaand he said no… so I left him. We started talking about our relationship 4 months after the breakup. At 6 months, we got back together and about a week after that, he asked me. We were married 2 months later. 

That was over 10 years ago. 

Edit: he didn’t say no because I was the one who asked. He said no because he wasn’t sure he was ready. (another story for another day)

  • This reply was modified 4 years ago by  dracarys.
Post # 3
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee

Once upon a time I asked my ex if he would be cool with me proposing. He gave me a firm “NO” and some BS about how it is the man’s job, etc. The 50s called, they want their societal norms back.

SO said he would prefer to do it himself, but he wouldn’t say no if I was serious. I probably will if we’ve reached the 3-year point without a proposal. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I personally only wanted to marry a man who wanted me to be his wife bad enough to jump through the proposal hoops. It’s a litmus test to me. Is that fair? Probably not, but I wanted to look out for myself more than get the show on the road. 

Post # 5
Member
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

For me, I wanted to make sure he was 100% ready and wanted to take the initiative to make me his wife. I’m a bit traditional in that sense!

Post # 6
Member
9219 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

nowyouareaghost:  Hahaha, my Fiance and I had this exact same discussion years ago. I wouldn’t have had any problem doing it (and I wouldn’t have done it unless and until I felt he was just as ready as I was for those next steps), but he really wanted to save it for himself.

Post # 7
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My Boyfriend or Best Friend would have freeked out if I had proposed. He was so scared of marrage. Even talking about it freaked him out. So one day I went home looked him in the eye and say i love you and want to be with you but I also want to be married. So if you don’t want to marry me right now today then I’m leaving. I am too old for you to figuar it out. He said you would leave right not and I said yes. He said ok I guess we will need to look for rings. I know he wants to be with me he was just scared of marrige. Now he embrasses every moment of it. So I guess I sort of perposed or at least forced a proposal. Does that count? 

Post # 8
Member
3464 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My Darling Husband was way to excited about proposing (and is super traditional) for me to steal his thunder. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it though!

Post # 9
Member
3244 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I DID. I asked him. I chose my ring. I did it all. And thats because we are just the same as you, OP. I’m an extrovert and he is an introvert. It made sense to us and I lead simply becasue thats how I roll. Congrats btw!!

Post # 10
Member
1624 posts
Bumble bee

I would have been fine without a formal proposal. We had discussed our futures and agreed we both wanted to be married to each other, so it seemed silly to me to recreate this grand gesture asking a question which he already knew the answer. But I am unromantic and practical and he is sentimental and traditional, so I said yes (again) while he was on one knee.

 

Post # 11
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I would 100% propose, but I’m already the planner/decision maker in our relationship. I like researching things and making plans, so usually by the time Boyfriend or Best Friend gets around to thinking big picture, I’ve already thought it through, done the research and come up with a plan – which we can then use or not, but generally when we talk it through we’re on the same page anyway.

But with that power dynamic it can easily feel like he’s just following my lead, and I don’t want this to be one of those decisions. I want to know that he is in the marriage because HE decided to be, did the research, and made it happen. I know what I want, and he should have the same chance to come to those conclusions on his own (after talking about our expecations and goals in life, etc)

But that’s just us! If our relationship weren’t already in that dynamic, I’d have asked ages ago! 

Post # 12
Member
592 posts
Busy bee

I asked my Fiance twice and both times he said no. Granted, one time I was very very very drunk and dressed like Red Riding Hood and we were at some crazy basement club Halloween party – probably not the best place to have proposed. The other time, I’m not entirely sure what happened, but I started crying then passed out drunk. I woke up to a very concerned boyfriend who thought he had ruined the relationship by saying no. 

Both are very poor examples of asking someone to marry them. I do not recommend drunkingly proposing to anyone.

However, last December he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him with his great (x2) grandmother’s wedding ring. 

 

Post # 13
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Congrats on your engagement! 

Fiance propsed to me. We had serious conversations, and I asked him if he would have a problem with me taking the lead. He said yes. He felt that the proposal was the one thing he wanted to do himself, and it was important to him. So I let him do his thing. I helped pick out the ring, but that was it. 

I don’t see anything wrong with women proposing, it’s the 21st century!

Post # 14
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

futuremrshalpert:  HAHAHAHA OMG Fiance proposed to me drunk a year and a half ago. I was mad about something (probably the fact that he was completely shittered), but he pulled out his key ring and asked. I’m pretty sure he felt the firey depths of hell with the glare I gave him. Another time he fake proposed with a ring made of duct tape – I was so ridiculously emotional about “waiting” (since he had been less than serious about the whole thing). Third time was the charm though, and he was sincere.

Post # 15
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

peppercosmo:  My 100% honest answer for why I didn’t just propose when I was waiting and losing my mind:

1) I worried that if I proposed he would be “forced” into it.  Which is, of course, rediculous.  I also saw his willingness to propose as being the one true symbol of him being ready for marriage, which is less rediculous but still a little off-base.

2) I felt that if I proposed and told others that they would look down on me.  Which is probably true, but is also rediculous.

3) I asked my SO if he wanted to do a proposal himself and he said yes.  

4) I REALLY wanted the fantasy proposal so that I could tell the story and get all the “oohs and ahhs.”  A lot of my friends were getting engaged at the time and they all had cute stories where their men put in a ton of effort to be romantic and thoughtful.

At the end of the day, for me it came down to insecurity and social pressure!  The whole man-proposes-to-woman thing is way out of sync with my personal values.  I see myself as an equal partner in every way except in proposals for some reason.  While I think proposals can be really romantic, I really hate the gender imbalance they imply and would love to see a world where there is less emphasis on the proposal as an event and also more gender equality between who does the asking.

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