(Closed) Why don't girls propose more often ? Or have you? share your stories!!

posted 4 years ago in Proposals
Post # 16
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I asked him. 🙂

We had talked about getting married, picked out a ring, ordered it. I didn’t see point in waiting for ring the arrive to announce it to people (we’d already told his mother for other reasons) and I didn’t know “waiting” for a proposal was even a thing.

Neither of us are public people so the idea of him getting down on one knee in a restaurant holding the ring….nope. We were chilling at home, I went “hey will you marry me?” he answered all sweet and then repeated the question back to me. I’m grinning just remembering it!

Previously, I was the one who didn’t see the point in getting married (been together 6 years) said oh I’ll never get married… so I think me asking him made sense. I was 100% invested for our future together.

congrats!!!

Post # 17
Member
3436 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

SO is pretty traditional so I know he wouldn’t like it if I proposed, but he wouldn’t say no if I did. He’d likely turn around and still do his own proposal anyway.

I don’t see anything wrong with a woman proposing. It’s a way to take control of their lives rather than waiting for someone else to push the start button for them. 

Post # 18
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I’m a hypocrite. Haha At the time, I didn’t believe in proposals. I felt they were too romanticized and didn’t accurately represent what an extreme decision marriage really is. Between that and the circumstances, we discussed marriage. We made pro con lists, looked at our finances, and clarified goals and expectations. Then we just kind of decided to get married. It was a consenting decision that we thought out and openly discussed. I did get a proposal three years after we legally tied the knot though and it was magical! I’m all for a woman voicing her desires for a relationship and I think having the woman propose is both awesome and weird (southern subconscious peeking through). And I’m totally loving these stories! I’m just soooo thankful I never went through a weird waiting period where I was on edge and anxious. Some of these posts make my heart sad and just want to hug these waiting bees. I’m too honest. If I did find myself in a waiting position that was driving me nuts, I’d most likely be the one to be like “marry me or move along.” Which in my own bizarre way, would be a proposal haha 

Post # 19
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

peppercosmo:  I wouldn’t/didn’t ask because I knew what I wanted and that I was ready but he wasn’t sure/ready when I was. I knew he’d get there and I wanted him to be sure and ready. I knew he was because he asked me.. If that makes sense.

Post # 20
Member
5113 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

We didn’t have a formal proposal, more of a conversation where we arrived at getting married. 

Generally speaking, I think one of the issues with the woman proposing and why more women don’t do it (aside from tradition) is that the women is usually ready to get married before the man (generalizing, yes, but I think the waiting boards would speak to the truth of this). So the man proposes when he’s ready and by that time the woman is already ready. Obviously, there are exceptions and there’s no “right” way, however.

Post # 21
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

peppercosmo:  There should be more bold women like you out there, I agree.  And congrats!  However, many women also feel it’s a guy’s duty to “propose” since the proposal ultimately involves buying an e-ring, and attatched to that are sweet, sentimental words… It’s not like he’ll buy a ring and hand it to a woman (or maybe there a times when a guy does?).  Anyway, ultimately, women still like that magical moment when a guy proposes…?  that’s my theory anyway?  It’s sort of Hollywood-Hallmark, lol  

Post # 22
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think a lot of times women want to be pursued, and frequently the men take longer to realize they want a long term commitment than the women do. For me, I was very happy pursuing my career, so if he didn’t propose, I would have just moved on. I do think it’s cool when the girl proposes to the guy.

Post # 23
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Back in highschool he proposed to me and I said no because I wanted him to have a better relationship with my father first. However, I thought that this meant we were semi-engaged (ah, young, dumb love) and started planning our wedding. 

I guess me making it so real for him scared him into realizing that we were still way too young and had only been together for two years and still didn’t fully “know” each other. So he backed out, but we moved in together, got to know each other’s families better, talked about our goals, joined finances, had a baby and have second on the way. We are now mature enough to make that commitment.

However, I think he really wants to redeem himself for that first proposal all those years ago. He said this time it will be real because he will have a ring and he will ask my parents for their blessing. When I talk about wedding stuff he isn’t particularly interested, but he isn’t freaked out either.

So I totally think more women should propose, but in my case I will let him do it because it is important to him to get it right.

Post # 24
Member
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My personal mindset: I would never propose to a guy, I’m not interested in being the pursuer.  If he wants me he will propose to me.     

Post # 25
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

peppercosmo:  I am helping a girlfriend propose tomorrow! She is doing it at a haunted pumpkin patch I am so excited. I didn’t propose because Fiance felt like the wedding planning is the girl’s thing and the proposal is the guys thing.

Post # 26
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Back in 2008 I was at the grocery store and text my now ex-husband that I was buying a wedding magazine.  He just replied “awesome” with a smiley face.  Then a few days later was Mother’s Day and we were going to his family’s BBQ.  At one point we saw his parents sitting alone and he told me “let’s go tell mom and dad we’re getting married.”  I was like “are we getting married?” And he looked at me confused and said, “well isn’t that what you bought the magazine for, so you can get ideas of dresses and stuff?”

So I guess I proposed by texting him that I was buying a magazine. Lol.

Post # 27
Member
11520 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

peppercosmo:  for me, I didn’t want to.  Darling Husband and I talked about getting married, he knew I wanted to marry him and vice versa and I guess I had asked him ‘are we ever going to get married’ and other such questions but him proposing was important to him. 

I’ve learned from my friends as well that all their guys felt the proposals were their one moment in the whole wedding thing.  The proposal is theirs and they wanted to do it and get it right.  It’s traditional and maybe it’s old fashioned, but it was important to my Darling Husband and I wanted to respect that.  I also don’t think I would have felt right proposing to him – it just wasnt the right thing for us.

Post # 28
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Back in the summer of 2014, after much hinting about marriage to my now Darling Husband I decided to take matters into my own hands. To make sure I wasn’t stepping on his toes I asked his good friend and his wife to casually ask Darling Husband if he would be ok if he was proposed to instead of him proposing (they were going to the Queen’s plate horse race and I had to work so it would be just them).

The friends reported back to me that he said something like ‘maybe’, but that was good enough for me. So I planned to do it on our trip to NYC (we’re in Toronto) and I had a couple ideas: e.g. take a walk in central park, go to one of those caricaturists and have him write ‘will you marry me?’ as a caption….I was all psyched and ready, but then one day before the trip we took a walk alongside the river that’s near us and we sat on a bench near a small waterfall and he proposed! He beat me to it 🙂 It’s at that same bench that we privately shared our own vows and we also later took pics with our wedding party at that bench lol

Anyhoo, I say ladies; if you know you’re both ready and he’s cool with it then do it, propose! It’s 2015!!! 

Post # 29
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Our story went pretty much like yours, OP. I talked about moving in together when I thought it was time, I brought up the discussion on marriage when I thought it was time, I picked out my own ring, and then there was a “proposal”, but we know that was just formalities. We don’t really have introversion/extroversion differences and I’d just say we’re both pretty liberal and pragmatic.  

Post # 30
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Vineyard on Long Island

I don’t know if this counts, but technically I asked him first.  We were spending a weekend at a camp where he used to work and had been day drinking all night.  We took kayaks out on the lake and laid together under the stars.  I asked him to marry me in the summer of 2014.  However, I was hammered.  His response: “You’re stealing my thunder.” lol so I dropped it and confirmed that he wanted to be the one to officially ask.  I totally would have “officially” asked him again sober, but he really wanted to be the one, so I waited.

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