- 7 years ago
I just hate the fact that I sometimes feel “unfeminine”. Not sometimes maybe, all the time.
I feel that alot of girls do their nails, hair, makeup. Etc. Etc. It’s not that I don’t like that, I do.
I always think that girls are prettier than me, and have their little “routines! and some even like to rub it in your face. “I am a woman, you’re not” kinda feeling. I don’t walk in highheels, I shave my legs, arm pits yada yada. I cut my hair myself, I have long hair. I do makeup somtimes, know designer brands and have a sense of style. But I just feel that I feel so boyish somehow.
I don’t like doing my nails, looking like a doll all the time, sorry girls, but I love my computers and books!! And I knit and crochet, paint and bake.. but I don’t like doing my nails or fixin my hair everyday.. I feel so bad!!! 🙁 But now around wedding time, I just don’t feel womenly enough. Don’t even know how to walk in a dress.
My mom nags me about being more feminine, loosing weight for the big day (I already lost appr. 120lbs the past two years). I am growing my hair to be long, I wear ballerina shoes, and try to be a bit feminine but with my own touch…
I just feel so BIG, UGLY and undesirable.. especially when I see all the pretty dresses, brides and all the other thingies. It makes me so upset!! I see other girls feeling so comfortable being “female” and I just feel… that I don’t get courted by my bf as a girl, more as of a good good friend.. but we are very inlove…. he has never seen me in a dress that is sexy.. cute dresses yes sometimes with sneakers or flats.. I have never seen that “wow” look on his face.. and when I make an effort it goes all weird.. it makes me so uncomfortable… 🙁
My current weight is 180 lbs appr. I am so proud of losing my weight, but I feel everybody is so tiny beautiful and pretty, get’s their dream dresses and always, ALWAYS look so pretty, whenever. No matter what I do I like something coming in from the rain.. Hate myself right now..
Just wanted to vent bees! I am so unhappy right now I wanna cry my eyes out!!! .. :(:(:(