(Closed) Why Don’t People Respect the Registry?

posted 10 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 32
83 posts
Worker bee

We spent some time making our registry, so I do hope people look at it. But I have seen registries where I would be uncomfortable purchasing items on the registry. They have cheap or low quality items that I know will fall apart in a few short years, or they have several “As Seen on TV” products that I can’t imagine would get much use. Obviously, the couple thinks that they will use them, and they like them, but I would have a hard time shelling out $50 – $100 for something that I know won’t last. I usually just find something else to purchase, or write a check in that case, but perhaps that’s why some older folks go off registry. They know you need a set of knives, but they also know the ones you want will need to be replaced in a few years, so they get you a set that will last. As for the folks that just get wierd items, who knows their reasoning?

Post # 33
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

I have to respectfully disagree. I enjoy going off the registry for thoughtful things. I know you say that’s excluded, but I’m sure that most people think that they’re giving something personally when they go off of the registry. I also think that sometimes, there aren’t affordable things on the registry. I’m reluctant to get a gift card b/c I don’t feel like that’s as thoughtful.

Some of the best gifts that I received for my shower and wedding were not on my registry. I definitely understand that sometimes, their taste isn’t your taste, but I usually include a gift receipt in case the bride and groom aren’t fans of what I purchased. I do think though that a gift doesn’t necessarily have to be given, and anything you receive should be appreciated whether it’s on your registry or not.

Post # 34
2820 posts
Sugar bee

I usually try to stick with the registry though I think it feels really impersonal.  The times I’ve gone off were more personal gifts and when the majority of their items are somehow out of stock.  I don’t know if it’s because we live in a bit of a smaller town but sometimes the choices when I go it’s like oh we’re out of that, we’re out of that, so I either see if I can just order it online or just get something else. 

Post # 35
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i never buy off the registry – i gift CASH. i have never had a complaint LOL

Post # 36
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think the registry is a guide for your guest and you should be so hard on them because its the thought that counts. I have seen numerous registries yet I like to get them something more personal from myself. I usually buy the same for every wedding (no, its not a fruitcake). I get a set of toasting flutes from Tiffany and Co. and I think its a great gift.Laughing

Post # 37
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

We live in a different state than most of our guests, so when we registered, we tried to pick things they could find in-store. However, since store buyers vary from state-to-state, the easiest thing to do was register almost totally online.

That way, if they couldn’t find it in their local store, they could at least purchase it online (rather than registering in our local store and having people in another location not be able to find it in their store OR online — this has happened to me and it’s so annoying!).

However, since most of our guests will be traveling, I think we’ll end up with a lot of gift cards anyway, which is fine. Gifts are always optional.

Post # 38
271 posts
Helper bee

Whew!  I can’t believe what I’m reading!  I’m with DemoDreamer, I too hate registries.  Have I purchased from them? Yes, but I do feel like it’s a thoughtless gift.  So if I go off registry, excuse me for being “disrespectful” and “slapping you in the face.”  I thought giving a gift that I put effort into would be appreciated whether you like it or not.  I am not, as a guest, required to get anything and much less am I required to get you what you put on your registry. And if it doesn’t fit your taste, it doesn’t mean that is it a thoughtless gift, we simply have different thoughts.  But to say that someone is disrespectful because they didn’t get you precisely what you want and asked for is a bit bratty IMO.

Post # 39
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We’ve luckily gotten a lot of gifts off our registry.  The only gift we’ve gotten so far off our registry is from my Maid/Matron of Honor.  She def likes to think she can find something more personal.  Which may I say was not.  It was a green platter.  Whatever but its funny.

Post # 40
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Claxton Farm

I think there are a few schools of registry thought. We registered for nice basics (sheets, towels, bathroom accessories, a few appliances) and think this is what a registry is for: helping a couple start a new life together. We really want everything we registered for and we were careful not to add anything superfluous or too expensive/extravagant.

Some people view registries as a dream list where you put all sorts of things you’d probably never buy for yourself. We had some friends register for all kinds of cool stuff that we wouldn’t have thought to register for.

A very close friend of mine recently commented that registries were for “people without any creativity”. 

Some of my friends from Europe think the registry is the strangest thing they’ve ever heard of and only give cash. 

So, there are lots of ideas out there… I would never stray from the registry b/c of how I think about it, but my good friends will never even look at registry because of their ideas. 

It’s so interesting how strongly people differ in their feelings about the registry!

Post # 41
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I always give cash (registry items for the shower), and wish that were more the norm in the US.  I think that is what couples starting out really need/want, but it is bad ettiquette to ask for it, so they register for panini makers and bread warmers or other stuff that ends up sitting in their basement for years.

Post # 42
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I got a few items off the registry and only one I can’t use only because I already had it.  So I”m either going to re-gift it later or put it in a closet and use it when the one I have breaks.  No biggie. 

I understand how people get frustrated with registries.  Half of my items that I picked out in the store- later were no longer available in the store and had to be ordered.  I had over 100 items at Bed Bath and Beyond to start with.  About 50 were bought at my shower and the remaining 50 were then put on special order or online ordering.  How was I to know that was going to happen when we picked them to start with.  So I know some people got frustrated when trying to buy from that store so I got gift cards instead.

I know that some of my friends and family said that they look at the registry and use it as a guide to buying you a gift.  For example, if you have a set of blue bath towels then they would get you a set of blue bath towels at the store of their choice and in the price range of their choice.  Which makes sense to me.

I think we need to keep in mind too that for many many years there wasn’t a gift registry.  So it’s nice that we have the option now and that some people will buy from it.

Post # 43
13095 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

WOW – so it seems that some of my comments are getting a lot of flack from other posters.  I didn’t mean to be disrespectful but I also don’t think I’m being bratty for wanting people to purchase what we’ve registered for.

My Fiance and I just moved in together and are young (relatively recently out of college).  We have little of the basics for starting our lives together (particularly in the kitchen which is driving Fiance crazy since he loves to cook).  We NEED things like plates, bowls, bakeware, toaster ovens, glasses, blenders, etc because we have almost nothing to eat off of or cook with now.  It’s not thoughtless to get the couple something that they truely need to start their life together.  We also have a grand total of three towels between us – we’d appreciate the towels we registered for that match our decor very much.

If we don’t receive these items, it will be a huge out of pocket expense for us to get all of the things we need on a daily basis.  I have little use for crystal bowls, fancy platters or candlesticks, toasting flutes, etc because they don’t fit our lifestyle or the point we are at in our lives.  We need the basics and I don’t think it is bratty to hope that people who choose to buy us gifts also choose to get us the items we need to start our marriage lives together.

Post # 44
961 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t mind non-registry gifts, as long as they’ve at least looked at the registry (or have a good understanding as to how we’ve decorated) and get us something that fits into that scheme.  FH’s aunt bought us some kitchen towels (not on the registry) and sent them along with a registry item – but she clearly had looked at our registry and knew our style, so they fit into our kitchen well.

Post # 45
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I’m not registering anywhere, I have of the opinion that people are going to get us what they’re going to get us regardless of a registery especially since Future Sister-In-Law said that her and her husband didn’t really get anything on their list and got stuff they didn’t need…oh well.

Post # 46
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Wow – 43 responses in an hour! LOL

I agree with PP’s who say it’s a generational thing. We had no choice but to register. We don’t need fine china but our traditional Irish mothers gasped when we said we weren’t going to register for it. It wasn’t a battle worth fighting so we caved. I’m sure it’ll come in handy down the line when we host family Christmas, etc.

Personally, I think registries are mostly for the bridal shower. I rarely ever choose something off the registry as a wedding gift. It makes it easier for ladies to buy thing for the shower rather than guess.

Do I love personal gifts? Yes!! My Nana gave one of my SIL’s a quilt that she made. That’s a better gift than every piece crystal stemware on the registry.

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