(Closed) Why don’t people understand no kids?!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think you just gotta let them know and not feel guilty about it.  Think of it as they are the rude ones in this situation…so as awkward as it feels, they’ve brought this on themselves.  You can use the venue as an excuse…though I’d be tempted to just flat out call them on being obnoxious:)  No, actually probably not…I’d find a polite way to let them know. 

But seriously, if your RSVPs were that specific, that is way above and beyond obnoxious.  They know what’s going on…or they live so far outside the realm of proper etiquette that maybe it won’t be awkward for them at all to have you call them.

FYI, I’m super indignant on your behalf!  And dreading when our RSVPs go out.  We already put info about childcare on our website, but we’ll see what happens.  I’ve already had one person force their kid’s name into our address registration site…and it seriously took some manipulation to do that b/c we purposefully made it hard.

Post # 4
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I would call them and explain to them what you just explained to us.  Ephasize that while you would love for their kids to be able to join it is not feasible due to the venue (both size and site "rules/quality"). 

Lastly be prepared for some to change their RSVP to no.  It would be a nice gesture for your guest to offer an offsite babysitter if budget allows.   Good Luck!

Post # 6
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I don’t understand this either. It happened to two of my cousins. I know it will happen to us, and I’m already nervous! Good luck!

Post # 7
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I hate when people do this as well. I am really hoping it doesn’t happen to us, although I am pretty sure it will.

Post # 8
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Yesterday was a little awkward for my FH and I.  The invitation (and save-the-date) was to the couple, with no mention of the kid.  RSVP came back as a yes for one half of the couple and a kid.  I don’t know if they thought since both couldn’t attend, the child, (who is three or four) could come?  Fiance called his mom to let her know she had to call her sister and tell her (nicely) the kid couldn’t come.  She wasn’t happy about the task, and I feel bad, but I can’t allow one aunt to bring her kid, and not allow the others to as well.  Future Mother-In-Law has known from the beginning stages of planning that the ONLY two kids present were to be the flower girl and ring bearer, (whom I have known since the were born).

Not trying to kidnap your thread, but venting a little, and I can DEFINITELY sympathize!!!!  WHY do they do that?  At the very least, they should call or write or something to ASK before they just include someone of any age not on the invite.

Post # 9
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Gosh I am worried about this as well! There are so many kids in my family, and especially babies. It seems as though LeiAnn did what everyone suggests to do, but if her guest didn’t get it, then one must be even more specific like: "This is an Adult Affair" or something to that extent. I know that people in my family will be annoyed and may not even come, but when you gotta keep costs down, you’ve gotta keep costs down. Another option is to offer a babysitter, but I can’t be bothered, there are enough things to worry about in planning a wedding! If anyone has another way of expressing this is a more direct way please post!  Thx!

Post # 11
1205 posts
Bumble bee

Since I’m an encore I have a story from before ~ my first wedding was VERY formal – late evening, etc – we went the route of not including kids.  Some people were completely unaware of etiquiette in general.  There ended up being a few cousins that showed up with 4 or 5 kids total – even after family members had told them NO KIDS.  I was really ticked that they were such idiots, but I didn’t let it ruin my day.  People just have NO CLUE – I had friends I invited (as single) RSVP for their entire family !?! and put 6 people on the response! Seriously?… 

I feel your pain.  Do what you can to prevent it and after that, just let it go.  Best of luck…

Post # 12
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Jewel Box in Forest Park and Windows on Washington

You would think most people would understand that who the invitation is addressed to determines who is actually invited.

I have tasked my mother with spreading the word about no kids.  There are so many children in my family that if we opened it up to everyone, there would be over 50 kids at the wedding!  Most people are usually okay with and can understand.  If they get mad at you, don’t take it personal.  Afterall, it is your wedding, not theirs.

Post # 13
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Some people are just rude. I’m glad I don’t have to do no kids.

Post # 14
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’ve had a few "substitutions" as in "if my husband stays home can my 18 year old daughter come?" i don’t care if an 18 year old comes in addition…but not like, a child. No kids. She was so nice aobut it i let her bring her kid but told her to keep it on the D.L.

Some people are just completely clueless! It all just seems so obvouis to us though. You just have to call, clarify, and just be like "oh it’s only so big" bah blah blah and as long as they realize everyone else is in the same boat (pull the "oh i hate to call my guetss about this" so it’s not JUST her) they’re more ok with it. 

Post # 15
101 posts
Blushing bee

I am planning to put on the response cards:

Bob Smith   (please circle one)    # of attendees     1   2

I really don’t care at this point if it looks rude, but I think it’s rude to put down that there are going to be 4 people attending when the bride and groom are paying sometimes as much as $150 a head and have clearly labeled it, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Smith.  I realize that there are those people who may not have their parents or others who can watch their kids, but if it is that much of an inconvenience, then don’t go to the wedding.  I always hated going to weddings where there were a million little kids running around like crazy. 

Post # 16
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

ugh! i feel you!

my wedding is next week and i’ve been told that not only are kids coming, but they’re bringing their boyfriends as well (they’re in their late teens).

and my favorite is that my future brother in law is bringing their 2 week year old baby.  hopefully it’ll sleep the whole time!

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