(Closed) Why Don't We Make New Friends When We're Older?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think I make more friends now, not less.

We moved somewhere new where we knew a few people and got to know their whole circle.

Have met people through my zumba classes, through work and through other random connections.

You just have to make more effort, I guess.

Post # 18
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

For it, it is very hard to trust a stranger. I once friended a girl and she ended up being a nightmare. Since then, I get scared.  The only way I can give someone a shot is if I am in school with them or a new co worker. Even then, its very hard. 

Post # 19
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think we have different priorities as we get older.  The amount of free time we have starts to dwindle and we become very picky choosing whom we spend it with. Also if you already have a certain group of friends it isn’t exactly easy to hang out with everyone.  I found myself in this position, having to float between different circles. It’s very time consuming, I wish there was a way to combine them all!

 

Post # 20
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Mrs.Jansen: I had a similar problem. I had a good group of friends in school. We did everything together, talked about everything, were very, very close. Then one of the girls made a new friend, and the new friend decided she didn’t like me. Soon, NO ONE in the group liked me, with the exception of one girl, who is still my friend. But instead of telling me they didn’t like me, they said nasty things behind my back and spread rumors to all our mutual friends. It turned into a nightmare situation for me. I ended up transferring schools. Now I have huge social anxiety issues and it is impossible for me to get close to anyone. I know I come off as standoffish and even snobby sometimes because I don’t talk to coworkers or keep conversation to a minimum. It sucks, but I just can’t get over the anxiety. :/

Post # 21
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

As I get older, i get more miserable.(lol) I dont like meeting new people, i dont like conversing with new people. Therfore people take it as me being a bitch..(kinda am).. But i have all the people i need in my life, and i feel like new people could potentially be new drama..

I was out at the bar the other night, and people we graduated with were there also, friend said we should go say hi, and my exact response was “we didnt talk in school, so why would they/we wanna talk now”…

Post # 22
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@HeyKaraoke:  Yeah, I sometimes feel like its not worth it. I keep those few friends that are truely special to me close and that is all I need. 

Post # 23
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This is an interesting post and topic in general.

Personally, I feel like time is valuable, and at this point in my life I shouldn’t be wasting it on people who don’t matter. That isn’t to say that I don’t think people could matter, but it’s a two way road and if I invest my time/love/effort in a friendship, I expect the very same and nothing less. I used to be happy with making random acquaintances and hanging around them for a few months before running off with a new set of people, but I’m just too old for that now, and maybe a little jaded even.

Not making new friends is probably not such a big deal for someone who is introverted and/or a homebody, but I’m actually incredibly social and LOVE meeting new people. I’d never consider myself too “busy” to make new friends… it just takes me longer to determine whether or not someone is worth my time and reaching out to.

Post # 24
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think there are less natural opportunities for new friendships, but we’ve gotten close with people we’ve met through mutual friends, work, the gym, or community activities.

I have heard from some of my friends with kids that they made a lot of new friends through their children–the kids might meet first in some activity and the parents often became friends. I feel like being young, married, and childless is a more difficult situation in which to meet friends, though!

Post # 25
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I had a similar conversation the other day with one of my really good friends…now that I’m a few years out of college and moved away, I haven’t been able to make friends who I know if I run into huge problems I can call them at 5am. On top of what the PP have said about having less time after school to meet and dedicate to new friends, I also think entering the professional world really changes the game. When you are in school your can be yourself with your peers, yet at work it is expected you maintain a certain level of professionalism which can hinder a bonding experience leading to a real friendship. So you are spending most of your waking hours in an environment which is not conducive to building further friendships.  

As the world is becoming a lot more mobile, it really does suck having your support system be scattered all over the place (I’m totally not one to talk as I moved the farthest away, but pretty much all my good friends moved to a different city). One of my friends lives in a big city like myself, and we’ve joked we need a “My Harmony” type of website to find friends we can click with!

Post # 26
Member
14 posts
Newbee

A good point and something i’ve really struggled with. I’m very guarded with coworkers and don’t really feel comfortable spending time with them out of work (i’m also in a very male dominated industry which makes things a bit harder).

I’m hoping that when SI and I move house we can make friends as a couple (as well as individually). Neither of us are particularly outgoing either (and don’t enjoy going drinking / partying etc.) so we often struggle to find other people in their mid 20s who like the same sort of lifestyle as us.

Post # 27
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Late to this post, but a great thread, and so very true!

I’m a couple years out of grad school and have noticed a huge change in my social schedule. I agree with pp’s that opportunities to make new friends and establish true friendship dwindles as we get older and priorities change. I also think that as we get older we have the opportunity to be more selective about who we’re friends with. There’s lots of BS that i felt compelled to put up with in high school and university because you were dealing with people you had no choice but to see everyday. Now that I have more control over who is in my life and who is not.
I think another reason it is so difficult, is because when you’re in school, I find people all tend to be at the same stage of life for the most part, so everyone can relate. After school ends people seem to take separate paths (e.g. travelling, marriage and babies, continued partying, becoming a workoholic, etc.)., so you might not able to relate as well to each other once life paths diverge. I don’t think this has to be the case at all, but unless people are open to differences, it can be very difficult. It certainly seems to be the case once people start having babies.

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