(Closed) Why don't you propose to him?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you ever propose to your boyfriend?

    Yes

    No

    Maybe

  • Post # 16
    Member
    499 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014 - Maui

    He told me he wanted to be the one to propose, and he did it on our 1 year anniversary. However, if I had felt like I had been waiting longer than I’d have liked to, I would have had no problem proposing. Or at least I’d have set some kind of timeline with him. We had discussed marriage before and I knew he was interested in marrying me, so it wouldn’t have come out of nowhere.

    Post # 17
    Member
    247 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Stanley House Inn

    Maybe it is the emphasis we, as a society, place on the importance of the ring and getting down on one knee and all of that? I think the showmanship is expected.

    I proposed to DH. We had already discussed getting married and had takls about how our wedding (and really, our marriage) would be. He told me a story he heard on the radio of a girl proposing to her best friend and he said yes, and so I figured he was hinting that it would be okay. So I asked him a few days later – no ring, no special circumstances, just “SO, you’ve been my best friend for almost 20 years and I’m madly in love with you and I am asking you to marry me” – He said of course he would. He actually gave me one of his mother’s wedding sets that now I can pass down as an heirloom.

    Post # 18
    Member
    8515 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I was completely up for proposing myself. After mentioning it to Fiance (then SO) though, he got upset about it and insisted that he be the one to do it. I think for many men, they see it as too emasculating. They’ve grown up thinking that it’s their job to ask the girl’s father, get a ring, plan the proposal, get down on one knee, and ask a crying/giggling girl for her hand. I get it.

    But I totally wanted to do it and tell everyone, “HE SAID YES!!”

    Post # 19
    Member
    525 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

    Well I did propose to him. I got down on one knee and everything. He said NO!

     

    He proposed to me two weeks later.

    Post # 20
    Member
    355 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015 - Redondo Beach Historic Library

    I proposed to my fiance 🙂 We had talked about marriage before but the thought “well why not just DO it” got stuck in my head until I couldn’t hold in in anymore! I still tear up a little thinking about the day I asked. We bought each other matching engagement rings so the world knows that he is engaged too!

    Post # 21
    Member
    355 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015 - Redondo Beach Historic Library

    View original reply
    absolutely_tati:  omg, was it devastating when he said no, or did you know what was up??

    Post # 22
    Member
    8515 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    View original reply
    winterxrose:  I love this!!! 🙂 Congrats!

    Post # 23
    Member
    294 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    Me: What would you do if I proposed to you? 

    SO:Be really really mad.  I want to do it. 

    Me: Would you say yes? 

    SO: I would.  But I’d still be ticked off lol. 

    So yea that’s a no lol.  But I still wouldn’t do it anyway. Maybe I’d feel different if I had been waiting for a really long time but I want someone who’s feet don’t drag and is excited about asking me,  so I’d prefer to be asked. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    8515 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    View original reply
    fyrefly816:  This is exactly how I would have done it! Sounds wonderful.

    Post # 25
    Member
    525 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

    View original reply
    winterxrose:  I was crushed. I ran into the bathroom and just sobbed for about 10 mins. I did not have any idea until about the week he was going to do it. But in the moment, I was so hurt and angry. He begged me to have some patience and let him do it. He kept saying “But it’s my job babe, let me handle it.”

    Looking back we’ve got a real nice story.

    Post # 26
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2023

    We’ve had this conversation, and though he said he’d say yes, I think his ego would be incredibly bruised. Like a PP said, I think my SO would find it emasculating. 

    That being said, I won’t propose to him because I want to know without a smidge of doubt in my mind that he is 1000% ready to take that step, that HE feels he’s ready to take step, and by him doing the asking, he is demonstrating that. That he is ready to be married and be my husband. Kudos to the bees who proposed to their SOs, but for me personally, it would always be in the back of my mind that he said yes just to please me. I mean no disrespect to those bees who did the asking…that’s just my feelings on it, that’s my insecurity. 

    I just prefer he ask so I know deep down that it’s truly what he wants, all on his own, and he’s ready. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    861 posts
    Busy bee

    I didn’t exactly propose but it was a mutual decision. 

    We talked and talked about marriage. One day he said he had started saving for a ring. I said so we are sure..we are getting married? He said ya..I’m a cheapo so I went online found a ring for cheap and said here get this. We went together got the ring and thats it. No giant grand gesture. His ring should be delivered in the next few days. He wants an engagement ring too. 

    I just didn’t see the point. Maybe it’s in my family.  My sis ordered her ring off ebay and when it came in the mail she just put it on..lol. 

    I’ll admit ya I didn’t want to wait. I’m impatient and if u sat there waiting for him to afford the ring he would want to get me I’d be waiting forever. He really hates the ring I got. To me it’s the symbol not the meaning but I agreed we can upgrade at some point. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    5985 posts
    Bee Keeper

    We talked about marriage a thousand times.  Especially after we had our daughter, it wasn’t a matter of if it was a matter of when.  I still really wanted him to be the one to propose even though our relationship was anything but traditional.

    Post # 29
    Member
    2850 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    View original reply
    zarageo:  

    Most women want to be proposed to because of tradition and romance. There is nothing wrong with that. You shouldn’t lecture women who do not want to propose to their men just because you did. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    193 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    View original reply
    zarageo:  I actually planned to propose to my fiance. I had this whole thing set up to propose to him on Christmas Day last year. I knew that I wanted to marry him and that he wanted to marry me but he had this idea in his head that we needed a certain amount of money for an expensive ring, big wedding etc. I wanted him to know that I didn’t need any of that, just him. I set up this thing involving our dog with the help of my friend but my friend did something that messed it up a bit and I didn’t want to do it if it wasn’t going to be perfect so I left it and planned to re-do it and do it again later. Just as well I didn’t because he proposed to me on Boxing Day!

    Even though it was actually him that proposed to me, I’ve had really negative comments from people (including a close friend) when they found out that I had been planning to propose to him. I hate these attitudes, on one hand people make out as if a woman who proposes is desparate and on the other the same people make out like a woman who is waiting for her partner to propose is also desperate. Basically you’re screwed unless you find a partner who decides to propose to you at exactly the right time, and life’s just not like that. I do wish that more women would propose to their partners because I would love to see the stigma drop away, but I have total respect for women who want to wait for their partner to do it at the right time for them. 

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