(Closed) Why don't you propose to him?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you ever propose to your boyfriend?

    Yes

    No

    Maybe

  • Post # 31
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

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    smoocherific:  

    I’m glad that buying your own engagement ring worked for you and your sister’s relationship. 

    My husband would have found those gestures incredibly pushy. To each his own. 

     

    Post # 32
    Member
    70 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I asked my SO if that’s something he would want, and although he is not terribly old fashioned (is totally open to whatever last name, would volunteer to be a Stay-At-Home Dad and so forth) he said he really wanted the honor of asking me. It’s something he is really excited about (which is why he is waiting even though he has the ring) and wants to plan and execute without the pressure of me beating him to the punch.

    Post # 34
    Member
    29 posts
    Newbee

    I voted maybe. I would consider it if the circumstances in my relationship were different, i.e. if we were both ready to be married. I know he isn’t, so to propose to him would be unfair and inconsiderate (and if I were the one who wasn’t ready but he was, I would expect the same). 

    Post # 36
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee

    Never… For one thing, it’s emasculating. Another thing is, I wouldn’t want to make him lazy. Men need to feel like they’ve put in work to get our affection…hence the whole courting thing, otherwise, they won’t respect us in the long run. If we do all the work, trust me, we’ll hate the results later. If he doesn’t ask, then to me, it means he’s not ready or that everything is already the way he wants it (without having to make a full blown commitment).  Asking him to marry you isn’t going to make him more ready or more committed. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    1390 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

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    zarageo:  My impression is that most of these boyfriends have been pretty clear with their girlfriends about not being ready for marriage. For one reason or another. So if the women proposed, the men would say no or they might say yes due to pressure. No one wants to be the person who was rejected or only accepted because of pressure. Therefore the person who is ready first waits.

    Post # 39
    Member
    1390 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

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    zarageo: This is REALLY general but…

    I think it’s because women are socially programmed to look forward to their weddings and to see finding their soulmate as one of the crowning achievments of their lives. There is so much that goes into that socialization…from the stories little girls are told to the romantic comedies many women enjoy watching.

    Men are socialized differently. You can see it with reference to a wife as “the old ball and chain”. They are also under pressure to get their career in order so that they can be the breadwinners in the relationship. Before a man proposes, he’s typically thinking “well I need to have a stable career and be able to provide for my wife and kids.” I think that’s the reason that men are more likely to see weddings as something to do later, after all the ducks are in order.

    It’s also more socially acceptable for men to remain “immature” well into their lives while women are expected to mature younger in order to be able to do “adult” things like have children “before their time runs out”.

    Post # 40
    Member
    1982 posts
    Buzzing bee

    DH would have said no if I asked 1) because i would have asked way early than he was ready for and 2) because he wanted to be the one to propose. Which I was 100% ok with! We had talked about getting married 6 months into our relationship, so I knew I was going to marry him.

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by  MrsWoods47.
    Post # 41
    Member
    262 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Stanley House Inn

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    fitchick89:  Why and how did I emasculate my DH by proposing? I honestly don’t understand. Just because he didn’t propose doesn’t  1) make him less of a man, 2) make him lazy and 3) mean he wasn’t ready. 

    I see the difference as a lot of guys still want to maintain that “right” to propose on their own timelines, and that I can understand, to a point. I also understand the romance of the proposal – his commitment and love and how sweet of a gesture it is. I’m not that type of person. I don’t like big sweeping gestures, I was worried he’d get down on one knee, and didn’t want him to ask my dad’s permission. It also just felt right when I asked him – no plans, no nothing – just a statement of love and a question. We dropped my rings off to get sized and the only time he slid one on my finger was during our wedding vows.

    DH and I came to a mutual understanding previously that we wanted to get married, and then changed discussions from getting married after living together for “a year or so” to a matter of months.

    Really and truly the only thing that mattered to me was getting married to him. I love my rings – because of their family ties and because he picked them out. I loved my wedding – because I had family in town that I hadn’t seen in 20 years, and because I got to join my life with his in front of friends, family, and legally (I would’ve eloped and been happy, too). I loved my engagement – no one really cared about who proposed or how, just that we were getting married – the excitement was awesome with so many people wanting to be a part of such a big step in our lives. Nothing changed when I proposed, other than we started working on details and telling people we were engaged.

    Post # 43
    Member
    1039 posts
    Bumble bee

    To each their own. We had discussed marriage early in our relationship in general as far as timelines and when we wanted kids etc. and he went ring shopping and proposed.

    I don’t think I would propose to him since the only thing that would make me even consider it was impatience from waiting too long. At that point, I’d be more concerned about the fact that he hadn’t initiated it because he isn’t ready for marriage.

    Post # 44
    Member
    1678 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    my husband is traditional in so many ways…and one of them was doing the whole down on one knee proposal with his mother’s heirloom ring in hand, and the other being me taking his last name once we were married.

    this is why i waited for him to be ready and pop the question and took his last name once we married. he’s an amazing man who would do and DOES anything and everything for me, so i decided to compromise 😉 it didn’t feel like a compromise though, and i didn’t really wait long (we were together 2 years when he proposed).

    to each their own…nothing wrong with a woman going for what she wants!

    Post # 45
    Member
    3242 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I proposed. He is anything from emasculated or lazy. I am anything but traditional. I don’t require romance. I require consistency, loyalty, love and affection. I also don’t wait around. He knew I wasn’t a patient woman. Its something he enjoys about me. I’m not a hinter. He always know what is on my mind. 

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