(Closed) Why don't you propose to him?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you ever propose to your boyfriend?

    Yes

    No

    Maybe

  • Post # 46
    Member
    1463 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

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    zarageo:  I’m American. I said one of the crowning achievements because I would say education/career is more important but that doesn’t stop women of a certain age (mid 20’s and up in my experience) from wanting to get married even if they’re not done with their education and still building their career. My graduate student friends and friends who have high aspirations are all wanting to get married. They don’t see it as something that will do anything but have a positive impact on their lives. And in my peer group no one would choose to have a child out of wedlock so getting married is something that comes before that. 

    Post # 47
    Member
    861 posts
    Busy bee

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    amiona:  

    I didn’t purchase my own and neither did my sister. I said she ordered hers on ebay. 

    I said I found one and Fi and I went to look at it and bought it.

    In both instances our fi’s paid.  Mine had started saving and in all honesty I didn’t see the point in saving a bunch. I found a sufficient ring very cheap and would rather see any money saved go to other things. 

    I did agree to an upgrade at some point. (We will see about that I’m happy with what I got. Yes I love everyone’s ring on here and still love ring porn. Also I’m soo indecisive about what I like it it changes daily. So I got what I got. I mean I love rose gokd, I love white gold, I love sapphires, I love diamonds, I love moissanite, I love morganite, I love halos I love three stones, I love…blah blah blah basically everything but a solitair!..my looking at rings was just confusing him anyhow..lol. 

    So it was like…here just get this. Boom done. Money saved, I get to stop looking and being an idiot. (I’m not saying everyone else looking is an idiot..I’m saying with how often my mind changes on what I like I’m an idiot.) In reality I just need tons of money for other rings so I can change my rhr’s or middle finger rings like my attitude. 

    I also didn’t need some big proposal.  I’m also the type that just wants to elope just the two of us. ..I dunno I don’t like big pomp. To each thier own right.  

     

    Post # 49
    Member
    1771 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I voted yes because I always knew that if I wanted something to just go for it. I proposed to my boyfriend and lo and behold, he had the ring!  I pulled a Kate Hudson from Bride Wars and came right out and asked him if he would marry me and he looked at me, smiled and said, “Well, I was going to give this to you later…but since you can’t wait…” and pulled out the most gorgeous engagment ring from his hiding place!  He would have proposed (eventually) but I’m still glad I beat him to the punch. LOL.  We still announced our engagement formally with cards in the mail and phone calls to family and friends, had a big elaborate engagement party, engagement photos, and planned the wedding of our dreams. Everything was perfect…even if I did propose instead of him but we love telling that story to our friends and they all think it’s a hoot!  The bottom line is I get to spend the rest of my life with my soul mate and that’s all that matters!  ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 51
    Member
    1771 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    zarageo:  Thank you!  ๐Ÿ™‚  I will say I was nervous as hell when I blurted it out.  I never even expected him to have a ring, just hoped that he wouldn’t say no.  I guess we were both on the same page.

    Post # 52
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

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    zarageo:  im already married but figured i would add my 2 cents. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Dh had an ex propose and he felt obligated to say yes. and later they broke it off but because of that story i def stayed away from it.  I guess i myself am also just old fashion. i want someone to want to marry me, to ask for my hand in marriage like a disney fairytale, even if it is 2015. but dont get me wrong ive had friends who have proposed. one who is married and the other friends SO said no, or just brushed her off and said he would propose when he wanted to. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    498 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

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    lovesbooks99:  that’s so cool. You have a great story to tell

    Post # 54
    Member
    2319 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    This is argument generally bodes for or against tradition…

    Traditionally I would say that men are the most hesitant to settle down and get married (not all but a fair amount)

    To me, it is VERY important that he is fully ready which is why I am willing to exercise my choice to wait until the moment he is perfectly ready. If I got to the point of waiting, where I was getting resentful etc I would leave. I believe if a man wants to marry you, he will. Nothing will hold him back come hell or high water…just my 2 cents

    Post # 55
    Member
    1771 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    uncltredpearl:  Thank you!  ๐Ÿ™‚  I figured it was now or never…we were happy, successful, knew where we were going in life, and he was the love of my life.  Still all of those things 5 years later after the wedding!!

    Post # 56
    Member
    2850 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

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    smoocherific:  

    Neither do I. We eloped because we didn’t want a big wedding.

     

    Post # 57
    Member
    113 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I vote no.. Of course I view myself and other women as equals, but I feel like at least for me, I want it to be how it’s always been, him proposing to me, him putting in that effort,  

    Post # 58
    Member
    113 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    Also, I told him things I like, but I have no clue what kind of ring I will be getting it when he will propose 

    Post # 59
    Member
    168 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

     

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    zarageo: This is all really interesting.  You will find that generally (I did say generally for those ready to jump on this) speaking more Americans have conservative attitudes about marriage and children vs Europeans.  I have lived on both continents, and I find that many of my European friends are much more laid back about marriage or defining roles in a relationship  than my American friends.

    I am very non-traditional and short of being a feminist, so I am typically not all that impressed with what society says I must or must not do.  In my personal situation – I was not all that interested in getting married and neither was SO, especially since doing so in the US comes with a hefty tax bill for us.  

    We are fully committed to each other and have been together for 10 years – long enough to see two of our friends marry AND divorce – ha.  Anyway, we decided to get married for a variety of reasons, including doing it before my dear grandma passes, planning to start a family, etc.  We were browsing through a jewelry store two years ago and saw a stone I loved, and we bought it. I was supposed to be designing the ring and he would propose when the ring was ready, but I never got around to it.

    We started planning the wedding anyway, and the wedding is now 7 months away with most things paid for, and there is still no ring or proposal.  I am currently talking to a jeweler to finally get a ring made.  He still plans to propose.  If it makes him happy – sure.  To me, the proposal is just a formality and does not add or take away from our commitment or relationship.

    Post # 60
    Member
    10286 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

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    zarageo:  as far as culture, this forum is not representative of all women in the US because it is a wedding site, so you’re going to find more women who care about traditional weddings here. It seems to lean conservative to me as well, which indicates more gender differentiation. 

     Edited to add that I agree with PP about the general attitudes being more conservative and traditional in US. 

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by BalletParker.

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