(Closed) Why don't you propose to him?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you ever propose to your boyfriend?

    Yes

    No

    Maybe

  • Post # 61
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee

    @fyrefly816 It honestly doesn’t matter what I or anyone else thinks about how you handled your proposal, I was just answering the question.  So, please don’t take this personally. This is just my opinion.

    My experience with men is that they appreciate more what they have to work for. I did not propose to my ex-husband, but I and his family took up a lot of his slack in the relationship/marriage. As a result, he became lazier and lazier in the marriage (not a lazy person at all in general, but just not covering his own responsibilities because he knew things would get handled (ie bills, kids, etc.)) This is partly why we divorced. 

    In my current relationship, I’m careful to let him be the man, let him lead, and have more boundaries in our roles. This has helped ensure that there’s more checks and balances for us, and that we’re both invested in the relationship. For me, if too much time passes and he doesn’t propose, I’d feel better moving on rather than having someone who didn’t think enough of our relationship to be the man, step up to the plate and claim me as his in a committed way. That’s what I want, and that’s what feels good to me. No judgment on anyone else.

    I get the impression that you kind of do everything or run the show.  I was that way in my marriage. But keep in mind that if you’re always the one doing everything, making the plans, or trying to make sure everything goes just the way you want it, it takes away his practice and desire to do stuff for you because he really doesn’t have to… 

    Post # 62
    Member
    296 posts
    Helper bee

    I voted maybe, under other circumstances. The thing is, we live in a sexist world and I’m from a different culture so this might be even more true. Friends even make fun of SO because we spend Christmas with my family. I don’t want to know what they would say if they knew I proposed to him. Also my Future In-Laws were very unsupportive of us moving in together and I’m pretty sure if I proposed they would say I dragged him into marriage. All of this is nonsense of course and it shouldn’t matter, but it does and I wouldn’t want to go through this.

    That doesn’t mean I’ll wait anxiously until he decides to propose though. We’ve talked about this and decided what is the right time for us. We’ll go ring shopping together. He will just have to do that romantic gesture.

    Post # 63
    Member
    239 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m a big fan of breaking tradition. I originally thought I’d propose to him. He kept joking i had to put a ring on his finger. We’re really offbeat so when I suggested it he got all mushy and said he’d love it, but we kept bringing up how our parents would react and make us feel bad. I was so ready to buy him this awesome Zelda band that says “It’s dangerous to go alone” and propose, but after some thought realized I’m selfish and want the proposal 🙂 so I showed him rings I liked and now I’m waiting.

    I get all happy when ladies propose. In fact I’m a photographer and this past weekend I shot a surprise proposal for a client who prosed to her man. It was beautiful. Despite being a big tough Marine, he cried and got super sappy.

    I respect people who like tradition, but I hate the reasoning that it’s “emasculalting” or somehow wrong. Theres nothing emasculating or wrong with asking the person you love to marry you, no matter gender. It’s all about whats right for a couple.

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