(Closed) Why don't you propose to him?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1354 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Chaoslight:  I had planned to propose to him, but it was for the wrong reasons and the board helped me see that. I do want the tradition of him asking me, as well as I know he wants to plan and do this himself. I used to believe it didn’t matter to me and that it wasn’t that special, but thats because I had my crazy hat on and wasnt thinking clearly or calmly. I was simply not being honest with myself. I very much respect the women who DO propose, but I myself wasn’t going to be doing it for the right reasons.

Post # 4
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I was never a ‘waiting’ bee, since I didn’t find WB until after I was engaged, but…

I had joked around with Fiance about proposing to him a couple of times. (I never would have gone through with it.) But he made it pretty clear that if I proposed, he’d say no, and would be rather upset about it.

It wasn’t that he wouldn’t have wanted to marry me, but it’s a masculine ego thing for him. *He* wanted to be the one to surprise me with something like that- he wanted to show me that he was willing to put in the kind of emotional and financial commitment (ie: looking for and buying my engagement ring, and thinking out the proposal itself) to show me that he wanted me to be his wife.

Some men might be alright with getting proposed to, but I think other men would feel really emasculated by it.

Post # 5
408 posts
Helper bee

this has to be the most frequently asked question on the waiting section. ive answered this a few times but ill answer again. he doesnt want me asking, he is traditional and wants to ask. so i wait.


Post # 6
1008 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

Uh, he would say no. He’s already told me that’s what he would do if I did ask him, lol.

He wants to be the one to take that step and ask my dad and then ask me. He’s very traditional, and I’m not going to hold that against him.

Post # 7
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My SO and I have come to the agreement about getting married — we’re going to do it when we’re at a place financially, familially, etc where it’s feasible.  We’ve talked about it a lot.  We talk about what kind of wedding we want, what kind of marriage we want, what it means, all of that.  But it’s important to me to be asked.  Women have the most to lose when it comes to the matrimonial bargain — women frequently take the time off to raise kids and lose career momentum, women usually are the ones to change their names, women are the ones who are statistically poorer should marriages end in divorce — so for me, being asked my consent to those potential eventualities is important.  So I am waiting not just on him to be ready, but for our life together to be at the point where that question can have a meaningful answer.  That’s the kind of relationship we have, and that’s the agreement we’ve come to.  He’s going to ask because my consent is essential to our concept of our relationship and our life together.

So for me, waiting isn’t about “omg when will my man propose already,” it’s more, “when will our lives be at a point where we can get this thing going?”  We have a general time frame — probably autumn 2013 — but there are moments where I’d like it to be now, you know?  Probably because I’m turning 31 in two months, and I’ve got a lot of good momentum in my life, so I’d like there to be more.  Selfish, generally, but I own that piece of it.  

Post # 9
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

he would kill me, lol!  He definitely thinks that is a “man’s thing”  although I was the first to initiate the kiss AND say I love you first, so I guess this is all he’s got left!

Post # 10
4996 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t think waiting is about the actual proposal – it’s about both people being ready to get married. For waiting bees, it seems like they’re ready but their SO is not for some reason. Why would someone want to propose if they weren’t 100% sure their SO was ready? 

Post # 12
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Historic cinema

I asked him out. I said I love you first. He’s damn well doing the proposing!

It was bad enough that I had to “chase” him as I am also very old fashioned! lol

Post # 15
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Because it means a lot to him to be the one to propose.

Post # 16
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m not waiting anymore but my Fiance would’ve been mortified if I asked him. He thought it was his responsibility to ask me. We’re old fashioned like that.

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