(Closed) Why get engaged if no wedding planned and live apart?

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee

Some people hate the fact that they’re not engaged/married, and so they pretend at it. It sounds like that’s what this couple is doing, except the guy isn’t even pretending. He doesn’t want to be engaged/married, but the ring got his girl off his back for a while.

Post # 17
Member
939 posts
Busy bee

It’s their business, not yours. Move on. 

Post # 18
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana

My ex husband has been engaged to his gf for like 5 years and they have 4 kids+ our 3. They both wear rings and pretend to be married.  It works for them.  I’m allowed to eyeroll but it’s none of my business. :-). People do weird things.  They don’t sound like they are very connected in their vision of the future. But again just let it be. 

Post # 19
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

Why do you need to understand what someone else is doing/planning in their relationship?

Post # 20
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

1) Your username is already associated with a regular bee, I would change it to avoid confusion if you plan to stick around. 

2) It’s not your relationship nor is it any of your business. While I would not want an engagement like that, it may work for them. 

3) Judging your “friends” choices so harshly isn’t a very attractive quality. 

Post # 21
Member
21 posts
Newbee

Since they live apart, she might have needed the commitment and promise for a future from him. An engagement is more about the promise than the wedding planning. Also, rings are a lot cheaper than buying houses, maybe they aren’t sure where they want to settle down just yet.

Post # 22
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

While the specific relationship you describe doesn’t sound very healthy and not on the same page, it’s not really your concern. You have every right to voice an opinion on it, but not to interfere with their relationship. Some people do get engaged to be engaged, and that’s fine. Whatever floats their boat. 

Yes, I personally would not get engaged before closing long distance and am using my engagement as a time to plan a wedding, which is it’s traditional connotation, but that doesn’t mean this is the only right way for couples to work.

Post # 23
Member
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Engagement, marriage and everything in between isn’t always linear.  Just because a couple doesn’t do just as everyone else does, does not make them any less engaged.  Just let them be.

Post # 24
Member
46 posts
Newbee

Maybe they know they want to get married and are still figuring the rest out….seems very logical to me.

Post # 25
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee

Why do you even waste time thinking about this? Not your life, not your concern.

Post # 26
Member
46 posts
Newbee

I think its perfectly normal to question what humans do – whether its the norm or whether its abnormal.  i wouldn’t just say “not your life, who cares?”  That’s true, but if we question human behavior, we may learn something.  a lot of the time, we just follow the norm.  Date, get engaged, get married, live together…have kids…etc.  But at some point people started asking, “why do we have to get married to live together?” and now living together before marriage is a norm.  This could be the same thing in 100 years.  You dont’ have to live together to be engaged or married for that matter.  Two humans can love each other and be commited but could be apart due to a whole host of reasons.  Lets continue to evaluate each other’s choices so we can learn from them.  Not in a judgemental way, but for personal growth.

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