Post # 1
Okay…so I’m 41..never been married..no kids..own my own condo. I don’t want children, either.
My fiancée has been married twice before..no kids…living with his parents when we started dating.
We’re tying the knot in November and I’m really starting to have doubts…he’s also moved in.
I work in a msle dominated field and the consensus with the guys is….if you don’t want kids then why get married?
And now I’m starting to rethink this marriage thing..HELP!!!!!
Post # 2
Tax breaks? Being legally able to support one another medically? Wanting to publically bind your relationship? It’s all up to you, not strangers or workmates. It is your life. Not theirs
Post # 3
I think if marriage doesn’t have any emotional or spiritual meaning to you than you shouldn’t do it.
Post # 4
What if something happens to one of you and they need a spouse to make decisions regarding care? Like do you want to be on a ventilator or not? Unless you have power of attorney they will look to other family members before they will look to you for those kinds of things. I might be mistaken. Just a thought
Post # 5
Just take a peek at the threads about “why do people get greedy when others die?” and you’ll see a specific advantage of marriage: protections under the law.
For me, there are religious reasons to marry, so, when I threw in the love and companionship part, it became an easier decision. It was still scary to consider the enormity of what we were doing but life without him seemed scarier.
Post # 6
What PP’s said. Find an article about the legal argument for gay marriage in the US, I’m sure there are a ton that lay out all of the benefits to legal marriage
Post # 7
Uuuh. I don’t want kids, the Fiance doesn’t want kids. We still want to get married and be husband and wife and have that commitment with each other. A marriage is about so much more than kids.
Post # 8
just bc you dont want kids doesnt mean you shouldnt get married. If marriage doesnt mean anything to you emotionally, spiritually, symbolically than you shouldnt get married. I married my husband bc i want to spend the rest of my life with him and only him. Sure marriage is just a piece of paper but its a really powerful, binding piece of paper.
i didnt get married bc of a tax break bc we get killed every year in taxes bc of our combined income lol. If that was the only reason to get married, i wouldnt have gotten married. We just had a baby and we might still owe taxes or break even
Post # 9
Why did you decide to get married?
People get married for all kinds of reasons–a public declaration of love and commitment, an excuse to plan a princess party, security, to get their DH’s social security ; ), to legitimize their relationship or conform to social/cultural/religious expectations, to “claim” and mark their SO as taken, to have a breadwinner or a maid, to be partners legally and be able to make decisions without a stack of power of attorney agreements…probably as many different combinations of reasons as there are marriages.
Do you want to call this man your husband, with everything that means?
Post # 10
Thanks for the replies, ladies. I think my second guessing has to do with my happiness in this relationship right now. I’m not sure that my fiancée is someone I want to be with forever.
Lately, when I think of my future…what I’d like…I don’t see him in it.
My fiancée is the type of guy that doesn’t show much emotion. No hand holding. .no french kissing. …sex is just sex…no cuddling.
He rarely compliments me, instead saying….oh, your titties are showing in that shirt. I thought I could be okay with this
My fiancée is also very overweight and continues to eat unhealthy and do NO exercise.
I’m just scared of a mediocre marriage
Post # 11
it also depends where you live and the income levels.
Post # 12
I basically wanted a life partner and calling him my boyfriend as a 40 something seemed silly.
I have a great job..we both work in the same field. I make more money than him as I have a cdl….he had the opportunity to get a cdl and make more money, but he has no interest.
I’m embarrassed to think the reason is because he is lazy
Post # 13
hmm.. married is for long term commitment, that he is yours and you are his .
Post # 14
that changes things. Co worker doubts are very different than personal. I don’t know what to tell you. Only you CAN figure that out. Maybe see a therapist together or separately
Post # 15
Thanks for the input. I think I already know the answer to my dilemna. Implementing it is the hard part.