(Closed) Why has he not asked me to Marry him yet, ??????

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Are we at different stages in our lives he is 30 after all not a kid
    Leave as he obviously has no interst on what makes me happy? : (59 votes)
    52 %
    Stick it out and wait (feeing like a fool) : (27 votes)
    24 %
    Beg and cry ha ha ? : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Just live with the fact I may never get married ? : (25 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    246 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    He hasn’t asked you to marry him because he doesn’t want you to marry him. You ever ask your dad for a pony as a kid and have him answer ‘Maybe one day?’. Same deal. He’s happy where you are now and doesn’t want to deal with you being upset/whining because he won’t put a ring on it. You need to decide whether or not you can deal with that.

    Besides, by now you’re commonlaw spouses anyways.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1460 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I agree with peacockfeather…he doesn’t want to marry you.  If you’re okay with that then stay with him.  If you’re not then walk.  There is somone out there that will marry you.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1578 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

    @Peacockfeather:  That’s not always the case.

     

     

    OP, your boyfriend might have something planned. You never know. I’m sorry that he hasn’t proposed yet. You need to sit down and have a conversation with him like an adult (I know he’s leaving soon, so whenever possible) and find out what his timeline looks like. Tell him what yours is. You want to be married in two years? Tell him. This is a discussion that probably needed to happen earlier.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1578 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

    @Havingabreakdown:  Have you looked into diamond alternatives? Diamonds can get a little pricey, and if that is the only reason according to him for not proposing would you be okay with getting a moissanaite or another eco-friendly stone? 

     

    Round Brilliant Moissanite Antique Engagement Ring

     

    This is $700.. very cost friendly. 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    3314 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I realize that it’s a hugely unpopular opinion around here, but this is why I think living together before marriage is not a great idea.  

    Your partner does not want to marry you, or he would have asked already. He’s happy with the way things are and sees no reason to make any further commitment to you, even though you have a child together. It’s that simple and that sad. I’m sorry. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    662 posts
    Busy bee

    1) find the “waiting” forum on the bee.  There are many women on that board who will understand where you are coming from and will be a good sounding board for your venting.

     

    2) I’m inclined to believe Peacock Feather is right.  If he wanted to marry you he would, and if he isn’t proposing I’m inclined to think he likes the way it is and doesn’t want to marry you.  HOWEVER, you didn’t specifically say you had an adult conversation with him about your plans for the future.  If you *think* he *knows* how you feel and where you stand, you’re going to spend a long time getting upset and angry and deflated.  You need to have open communication with him about where you are at in life and where you want to be in life, and where he is at and where he wants to be.

     

    3) if money is the issue, I’d suggest that you make a financial plan with him for this coming deployment.  Deployments come with a lot of money.  On each of my deployments I pocketed at least 25 grand, and that’s with me buying whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.  Because you have a kid that might not be as easy as I’m assuming a lot of his money will go there, but it is completely plausible to save for an engagement ring while on deployment.

     

    I’m not voting on the poll because none of the responses fit.  I can tell you are upset, so I’m going to reiterate,… find the waiting boards.  (NWR, sublink Waiting).

    Post # 10
    Member
    9082 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @Peacockfeather:  Not always the case. He could not be ready, we don’t know financial [Cleared up in a past post]/health/living situations (Hazard pay is a considerable bonus to families in Afghanistan but it isn’t mountains of money), we don’t know their stability of their relationship (A child doesn’t mean anything), there are a lot of factors that have not been addressed (at least to us) that may be leading to a delayed proposal.

    Also, some states do not acknowledge a common law marriage, and the military (as far as I know) will not either.

    Post # 11
    Member
    246 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @Hyperventilate:  She’s asked. He clearly knows its what she wants. If he’s still there after all that time, some stability is safely assumed. I’m still sitcking to it. She also has to take responsibility for the fact that they’ve never actually discussed getting married. Demanding a ring doesn’t mean you just automatically get one. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    9082 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @Peacockfeather:  She also stated that money is an issue. A debt is not a great way to start a marriage. Stability is assumed but not guarenteed.

    Post # 13
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’m sorry you’re going through this 🙁

    Fiance told me after about three years he was going to propose soon.  Two and a half years went by.  After a lot of soul searching, I told myself that even though marriage was very important to me, staying with the man that I love was more important.  That’d I’d be happier with him and unmarried than with anyone else.  He ended up proposing a couple of months ago. He was never afraid of commitment, but just didn’t feel like we were ready.  Looking back, I see we were not ready three years ago, and maybe wouldn’t have lasted. 

    If he doesn’t want to marry you, you have to decide is marriage is more important than being with him.  If he does, maybe he isn’t ready yet.

    Post # 16
    Member
    662 posts
    Busy bee

    It sounds to me like you both want to get married when the timing and the finances are right.  I don’t think that even remotely came across in your opening post or in the poll choices.

     

    If it is finances holding you back just make a financial plan.

     

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