(Closed) Why I cry when I'm alone :(

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7518 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

8 years is a long time.  A lot of times I kind of roll my eyes at waiting ladies- but I think in your case the impatience is justified.

Post # 4
Member
3465 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m sorry ๐Ÿ™ If I waited 8 years without a proposal I would be crying too. Have you tried asking to set a date? Maybe say I know you say within two years, but I think a year and a half is more appropriate I’d like to get married (just an example date) September 2014 do you think you could propose before January so we would have enough time to plan?

I know it probably sounds crazy and strait up, but it may make him think the worst that can happen is him saying no and you would get a better idea if he ever plans on proposing or not.

Example for me. My SO and I agreed to get married either 2015 or 2016 (depeding on my grad program’s schedule). I said I’d like to be engaged by June 2014 and he said it will be between January and April 2014. LOL so sooner than I expected, but its never TOO soon when you’re waiting right?

Post # 5
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m sorry to hear he seems to be dragging his feet. However, I would also posit that feeling like a waste reflects a lack of confidence in yourself. Maybe instead of daydreaming you two could talk about your prospective wedding, what time of year you each prefer, and other things. You need to be fair and tell him what you genuinely want. You both are steering this relationship, and if you want it, it’s worth the risk of telling him how you feel because you both need to feel free to be honest. 

Next, money is a huge part of life and a component of strife for everyone, and that magnifies significantly when you share a home and even more when legally tied. If your SO isn’t happy with the financial side of things, he’s not going to want to bring marriage into the picture. Talk to him honestly about it. Ask him “What would make you feel ready?” It’s not a nag. It’s an honest conversation. Be ready to answer what makes YOU feel ready. What are your life goals (besides being a parent, though be sure to mention that) and how does your dream of marriage with him fit into those goals? How has being with him these 8 years helped your life along? These are all great things to discuss with him.

Post # 6
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I feel you.  My SO and I will be celebrating out 10 year anniversary on July 6th and I have been getting impatient for a little while now.  We would both also like to have kids within the next few years(im 25 he is 27).  Put in there about a year for planning and then a year or so after the wedding….and who knows how long after that it would take to get pregnant….. I have been holding on to one card here, which might suprise some people.  We don’t live together.  He wants to move in together before we get engaged, and I want to move in together AFTER.  Mainly, I fear that if we move in together, Ill be waiting even longer for a proposal.  Right now we are at this standstill, where someone needs to cave.  Lately, I have been getting the feeling that I will be getting what I want….engaged before we move in. =)

I do cry sometimes when I’m alone, which is often since we dont live together and he works the night shift at the police department.  I feel so stupid, but I cant help it sometimes.  I always thought we would get engaged and married young and then spend our 20’s married.  Instead we have spend our 20’s living in our PARENTS HOUSES and driving between houses to hang out.  So basically, i’m sad because all of this makes me feel kind of like a loser.  Living with my parents, waiting for a proposal from my SO of almost 10 years. 

When we hit 9 years, I stopped being so quite about everything.  I finally let him know that I wanted to be engaged and married soon, and needed to know how much time we were looking at before that was going to happen.  He would say 5 years, just to get a rise out of me.  I asked what he was waiting for.  First, he wanted to be a little more settled in his job, he wanted to save more, and he wanted to move in together.  Well I was okay with the first two, but not the last.  It really helped to know what he was waiting for…I would REALLY suggest you asking him what he is waiting for. 

I have to say that recently, there has been A LOT more wedding and engagement talk which gives me hope.  He has asked me where would be a good place to go and get an engagement ring, who knows exactly what I want.  Every so often he will out of the blue ask “so…Princess and little diamonds on the band….thats right isnt it??”  Yes it it =)  Or he will out of the blue say “so the other day I was thinking about how I would propose to you….that was fun”  BAHH….how about you actually propose and see how much fun THAT would be!!  Given all of this talk, I feel like it will happen this year, but I’m not sure when.  I really hope that it will be on our 10 year annivesary, but I think if I hope too much and it doesn’t happen I will be pretty aggrevated!

You are not alone…I think that given the information you are not unreasonable in not wanting to wait another 2 years. Ask him what he is waiting for already!!

Post # 7
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@nowlalucas:  8 years is a long time to wait.  However, I believe that the duration of a relationship comes second to the age of the parties involved.  If you are only in your mid-twenties, you’re still very young in the grand scheme of things.  He is simply not ready to plunge into marriage in his mid-twenties.  We habitually think along the lines of, ‘well, marriage won’t change anything because we are already 100% committed,’ but marriage is in fact an extremely significant step in life, regardless of how committed both parties are in the existing relationship.  He needs to organically realize that he is ready to get married.  Good luck and keep your chin up! 

Post # 8
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t think the time you are dating has anything to do with whether or not 2 people are ready for marriage and it’s the right time.

What I do think is the problem is that he thinks 2 years is the timeline and you think now is the right timeline and that’s a huge difference and now you’re getting depressed.

Perhaps it’s time to pack your things and move on out and find yourself a man who has the same life plan as you and doesn’t let you get depressed bc your vision doesn’t perfectly match his and he won’t change his vision (as a compromise – maybe like 1 year or something).

 

Post # 10
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

@prettyinpink11:  you are very wise ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Op, please don’t cry and tell yourself you aren’t worth it because you sound like a wonderful woman and a generous and loving partner. The only solution I can really offer is talking, it’s hard and annoying (because these things are so much nicer when we dont have to bring it up) but it’s the only way you have any chance of finding out what he’s thinking, and to let him know how you feel. If he pulls away and cries that you are pressuring him (when you obviously are not) then that should also be considered an answer.

 

Sorry, hope you feel better soon x

Post # 11
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@nowlalucas:  Hi OP, I re-read my original response and it seemed a little harsh… so I wanted to just give you a virtual hug!  I hope everything works out for the best and that at the end of the day, you’re the happiest you can be.  8 years is a very long time and you are justified in feeling the way you do.  On the bright side, you are in your mid-twenties and have time on your side.  Much love and feel better!! 

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