(Closed) Why I hate his family and relativies to attend our wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

First off what is limiting the guest list? Space available? Budget? Desire?

Post # 4
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yeah I’m missing something.  Why would you limit your number to 70 and exclude close friends?  Why not just invite more than that.  A lot of people will probably RSVP no.

Post # 6
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

your fi is right to send out invitations first. if you don’t want them to bring people you don’t know, clearly mark your envelopes and rsvp cards, like using the “__ out of __ attending” line where you fill in the second blank.

Post # 6
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think a lot depends on who is paying for the wedding.  If you and your Fiance are splitting then you should being equal number of people.

I am not inviting the majority of my family as they simply arent part of my life with my Fiance.  My friends have been more of a family to me than the folks who are related to me by blood.  As for his family, he’s given his parents a limit on how many they can include. 

This wedding is for my Fiance and I.  We are not financing their family reunion.  His parents have offered a blank check but we decline as we do not want to lose control.

I’m certain a lot of folks will not agree with me on this, but it is YOUR wedding.  The people who matter most to you should be there.  I refuse to invite people I will likely never see again over my friends who support me on a regular basis.

Post # 8
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

If his family are important to him you should invite them. Are you friends more important to you than his family is to him? In my opinion, both of you should get an equal number of invites. If his family has about 30 people, then you get 30 people. If you want 70 people, each of you invite 35 (or 40-50 since some will RSVP no). I agree that it is NOT a good idea to call people to see if they are coming before you send out the invitation…that is the whole point of sending an invite.

Post # 9
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

you might not know them, but your fiance knows his family so they all do need an invite. However, its OK to give the fiance’s side of the family a # of invites they can have and they can decide who.

Same goes for your side. Your dad can have a # of invites and he can decide who he wants to invite. If he isnt paying he should not be able to insist on a lof of friends. Use those #’s for your own friends.

And your fiance is right. You should not call people to see if they can come before you invite them. 

 

So it sounds like family only is 40-45 people… That leaves you with 30 invites for your friends.

 

Post # 10
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@LittleBruin: Okay this might be tough love, but I really don’t understand?

Your limit is around 70 and his family is 30? So he’s getting about half the guest list. That seems fair to me. You said that you don’t feel like feeding people that you don’t know and don’t care about.. But aren’t they people that HE knows and HE cares about?

I’m saying this as a girl whose family takes up 80% of our guest list. Fiance is not close to them, but I was raised by them and it would break my heart if I couldn’t invite them all. It’s not his fault that he was born into a large family!

Post # 11
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

split the guest list 50/50 35 each, if Fiance wants more tough luck.

Post # 12
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@Atalanta: I disagree since they are both paying for the wedding. It would be different if brides family was paying 

Post # 13
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@lefeymw:I’m confused.  What should it be if they are both paying for it?  If they are equally paying for it themselves, shouldn’t they equally be splitting the invite list?

I understand this issue as I’m the one with the large family.  However, my parents are the ones paying for the reception so I don’t feel as bad that my portion of the guest list is larger.  Then again, I haven’t asked Fiance to cut his list at the expense of increasing mine. 

Post # 14
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lefeymw:

What? If they are both paying isn’t it even more logical to split it 50/50?

I only have 70 as well splitting it 50/50 and since i have way too many family members, I will most likely be saying sorry, they were b-listed.  Friends first.

Post # 15
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@Atalanta: No because if they are getting married isnt it “their finances”.  Therefore he is paying for his family.  You are marrying into the family, which by marriage it makes them your family too.  I think the families need to be invited in full, and then the remainder be split evenly.

I wouldnt dare tell my fiance that part of his family cant come because I want to invite some friends and my dad wants to invite some friends so that it is split 50/50.  

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