Post # 1
I don’t know why I don’t just make decisions and not tell anyone. Maybe other Bee’s have this problem, but when I tell my mother about what I want as a favor she automatically turns her nose up at it. Until, she finds a cuter more expensive favor of course. I just wanted my goddamn jelly. Little fabric on top, then a card tied to it. Not rocket science. Enter the opinionators.
I found the jelly, enough for the whole wedding for $100. Four flavors to come with it.
Not cute enough. Then she brings up M&M’s for the 30th time. “No mom I don’t want to do M&M’s. I don’t eat them so why would I give them away?” Then she finds jelly (1 flavor) that has cute labels for over 2x what I was planning to spend (remember that budget we all try to follow?) and gets upset when I say I like the first idea better.
Why is it after I plan all this out her final move is to say “if we’re paying for it then we should get a say…” I agree. Thats why I will be more that happy to pay for it, as long as we’re in budget.
Post # 3
Could you hear her out and let her voice her opinion (humor her) and then say “but Mom, I reaaaaally want these jelly favors here that I found already. Pleeeeease?” I’m jk. Kind of.
Post # 4
Another Bee on another thread offered a great strategy for handling things like this: when she offers a counter-suggestion for something you propose, reply, “Hmm. Let me think about that.” Then drop the subject.
– Ball is in your court: by saying it this way, you are clearly communicating that the decision rests with you.
– People feel validated because you convey that you are taking their opinion under consideration.
– Later on, of course, you go with your original plan, and if they bring it up again you can say, “Yes, I really appreciated your suggestion and I did think it over … they were very nice, but ultimately we opted for these jellies because we got more flavors for less money.” Or whatever.
I know it may not work all the time with every critic, and moms can be especially tricky, but I hope it’s useful on at least a few things! And, there’s a case to be made here for picking your battles. Maybe it makes sense to cave on the jellies so that you can have more leverage on something else? “Mom, we did go with the jellies that you preferred, so I would appreciate it if you would let FI and me be in charge of selecting the flavor for the wedding cake.”
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
My mom kept telling me a bunch fo things I wanted were tacky, like earrings that weren’t studs, a sash on my dress, colored shoes (though I ended up with ivory anyway), etc. so at some point, I just stopped telling her about a lot of small decisions.
Post # 6
Yuck. I would be so annoyed by that! I’d completely stop telling her about wedding decisions until after it’s bought/finalized, leaving no room for negotiation.
At least you only have 6 more weeks to go!
Post # 7
Sounds like she’s forgotten that it’s YOUR wedding. Whether she’s paying for it or you are, her say doesn’t matter if it’s not what YOU want in the end IMO.
Post # 8
I finally put it on my FI. I told my well intentioned mother that he gets the final okay. She asked me why I was even telling him because he ‘doesn’t care’. No mom, it’s not like it’s his wedding and all his relatives are coming from out of town.
p.s. thanks ladies for all the input. I like the idea of buying them and not saying anything til they are here. muhahahaha