(Closed) Why I should keep my mouth shut, a useful talent

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6249 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Could you hear her out and let her voice her opinion (humor her) and then say “but Mom, I reaaaaally want these jelly favors here that I found already. Pleeeeease?”  Wink  I’m jk.  Kind of.

Post # 4
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Another Bee on another thread offered a great strategy for handling things like this: when she offers a counter-suggestion for something you propose, reply, “Hmm. Let me think about that.” Then drop the subject.

– Ball is in your court: by saying it this way, you are clearly communicating that the decision rests with you.

– People feel validated because you convey that you are taking their opinion under consideration.

– Later on, of course, you go with your original plan, and if they bring it up again you can say, “Yes, I really appreciated your suggestion and I did think it over … they were very nice, but ultimately we opted for these jellies because we got more flavors for less money.” Or whatever.

I know it may not work all the time with every critic, and moms can be especially tricky, but I hope it’s useful on at least a few things! And, there’s a case to be made here for picking your battles. Maybe it makes sense to cave on the jellies so that you can have more leverage on something else? “Mom, we did go with the jellies that you preferred, so I would appreciate it if you would let FI and me be in charge of selecting the flavor for the wedding cake.”

Post # 5
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

My mom kept telling me a bunch fo things I wanted were tacky, like earrings that weren’t studs, a sash on my dress, colored shoes (though I ended up with ivory anyway), etc. so at some point, I just stopped telling her about a lot of small decisions.

Post # 6
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yuck. I would be so annoyed by that! I’d completely stop telling her about wedding decisions until after it’s bought/finalized, leaving no room for negotiation. 

At least you only have 6 more weeks to go!

Post # 7
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sounds like she’s forgotten that it’s YOUR wedding. Whether she’s paying for it or you are, her say doesn’t matter if it’s not what YOU want in the end IMO.

 

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