(Closed) Why I’m irked by this decline

posted 9 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Eh, at least she sent a reply. It’s annoying that she’s being such a baby about it, but it’s not worth stressing over. $4 is $4.

Post # 5
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

That is so weird! Seriously, 12 years ago? It’s not like she hasn’t been speaking to him, is she still trying to get him back for it or something? I firmly believe that people are crazy. 🙂

Post # 6
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

How rude!!! She doesn’t sound like someone you want there though. Better to waste $4 than the cost of a meal!

Post # 7
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

How awful for your FI!  What an odd grudge to have.  I think it’s wonderful you sent her the invitation and it was absolutely the right thing to do.  It’s too bad she couldn’t pull it together to be there for her brother.

Post # 8
42 posts

It sounds like she was really hurt (over a *decade* ago but still) that her bro didn’t bother to come to her wedding and she is still nursing that grudge.

I know he was really young and it was a long time ago, but did he ever genuinely apologize to her about it?

I very respectfully disagree with those who would have you just drop it. Sh eis family, and this drama has gone on for so long that it’s time to put it to an end. I’d call her and tell her that you’re really sorry that she won’t be able to make it. Tell her you know itt hurt her a lot that your Fiance was too young and immature to treat her wedding with the respect that it deserved, and that you’re sorry she won’t be able to make it to yours. Tell her it would mean a lot to you if she could reconsider her schedule because you hope that the two of them can heal this rift. It may not do anything to change her mind, but it would show her that *you* care the he hurt her, you recognize her feelings, and that it matters to you whether she makes it or not.

If you can get your Fiance to sincerely tell her that he wishes she would come, that might also help.

My hunny and his sister aren’t the best of friends either – they don’t get each other. I find that as time goes on, I end up being the one who is closer to her, who can bridge the gap.

Try to reach out. She’ll be your family for the rest of your life, and you know the girl can hold grudges. It’s in your best interests to be able to say you did everything you could to make her feel like she was welcome.

Post # 9
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with the above comment, to a degree.  She is family, and you will be with her in some sense for the rest of your days.  So you should do what you can to try and get this issue resolved so that it doesn’t continue on for another 12 years.

But once you’ve extended the olive branch, that’s all I would do.  I would give it one try and then write it off and say “oh well.”  I wouldn’t have this stress me out any more than a normal bride stresses, but I would do what I could to fix it if possible. 

Post # 10
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

I agree with thfuturemrsjay… chat with her (FSIL) and indicate if you had been in his life 12 years ago, you certainly wouldn’t let a silly disagreement prevent him from attending her wedding.  Don’t mention the cost, just ask her to think about it and reconsider, and that it would mean a great deal to YOU, their parents etc.  IF POSSIBLE, start the relationship with the family/extended family in a spirit of loving compassion, not spite and bitterness. 

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