(Closed) Why I’m still waiting

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hmmmm. I have never heard of such a thing. I would be really heart broken to be honest. It is your relationship, and you know him best. You also know how much you can tolerate. But to me that is very discouraging, stressful, and I am sure, it must bring your self esteem down. I just think he should love you for you, for your heart, and your beauty that you hold now. Not what you will look like 10 lbs from now. And btw, 10 lbs is pretty much nothing, so that seems a bit ridculous. Maybe its a bit of a cop out. I hope you get through this. You need to talk to him about it though, and tell him you don;t like to be measured by your weight, as any woman should not.

Post # 4
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

This actually sounds like a horrible situation to me. 10 pounds are more important to him than your personality/how much he wants to be with you? What about when you have kids? What if you were to have a disability that made it difficult to work out? What if your body chemistry changes and you can’t work off the extra weight?

I think it is a shallow, shallow thing for him to be witholding his committment because of something as stupid as 10 pounds.I would not marry someone who was more concerned about my weight than about our relationship.

My aunt was in an emotionally abusive marriage until a couple of years ago – she was not fat by any stretch, but her husband constantly made comments about her shape and breast size, etc. WHen she was pregnant, he told her he had to go to strip bars because she was fat and that made her unattractive to her.

There are SO MANY guys out there that aren’t that way. Why not find someone who accepts ALL fo you for who you are, and marry tham> Because it sounds like your current relationship is really unhealthy.

Post # 5
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I would definitely consider that a dark side. I am debating how honest to be with you, because seriously… that sucks. Big time. The person you want to spend the rest of your life with should want to do the same with you, no matter what your weight is. As far as reasons to not get engaged go… thats a dumb/horrible/douchebag reason of one. That would be like my fiance telling me he doesnt want to get engaged until my hair grows out.

Don’t get me wrong. I understand the health reasons associated with being overweight. I understand that sex lives tend to become better, and people are more attractive to their partners when they are healthy, as evident by my fiance’s increased sex drive since I have started working out.

However, it is not a good, or even okay, reason to put off an engagement.

To me it sounds like he is dangling a carrot in front of your face, which is wrong wrong wrong. Only you can decide if you are okay with this, or if he is worth waiting for, because I wouldn’t be.

Post # 6
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with PPs. That would not be a cool situation to be in, and I’d consider leaving. What happens when you get pregnant? Are you going to be held to that same expectation?

On a side note, you said you’re working out, but you said nothing about your eating habits. Diet has A LOT to do with weight loss.

I wish the best for you.

Post # 7
Member
7769 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’d find it shallow & insulting.  What kind of prize does he think he is?

If you feel the need to lose weight because YOU want to for YOURSELF, that’s perfectly fine.  But to do it to try to make yourself worthy of some guy?  Ugh.

Post # 8
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

That’s pretty awful. Sorry, I’m being honest with you. He’d consider not proposing until you lost a certain amount of weight? Really? Anyone who works out can tell you it’s not about how much weight you loose. It’s about how you feel! When I was losing weight I ended up gaining a lot of muscle and muscle weighs more than fat.

Post # 9
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i’m sorry, that sounds like an awful situation… have you had a talk with him about it? i am kind of confused as to why that would be the reason he’s waiting to propose… i can understand his wants for you to be healthy, but it’s like dangling a carrot in front of you with your weight loss as the threshold. if you really want to be with him, i suggest having a real frank conversation and discuss what is important to both of you. it seems like you’ve already done a good job of reaching your goal….

Post # 11
Member
7769 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

It seems quite demeaning to me. Is he going to weigh her periodically after they’re married?  What happens when she’s pregnant?  Or has to take some meds that cause weight gain?

It concerns me that they’ve had “major blow ups” over this.  Sounds as if he may have turned her head around & gotten her to believe this is something she “should” do for him.

Creepy.

Post # 12
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe you need to make sure he meets your requirements too before you marry him?  Does he have 6 pack abs? 5% or lower body fat?  How fast can he run a mile?  I mean these are pretty important things to consider before you marry the guy!!!

Ok that is snarky I admit, but seriously he sounds overly obsessed with your weight.  Do what you want but remember that you will feel pressure to maintain his weight standards the rest of your days. 

Post # 13
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m sorry you are going through this.  So when you met your SO you were not overweight? Just wondering because I think he should like you for who you are not what’s on the outside.  I really don’t consider 10lbs to be overweight by the way.  Maybe with your last talk he finally realized how silly he is being.  Hopefully he did get over that.  You should probably talk to him about it to make sure.  I also think he shouldn’t compare your relationship to a friends.  Just cause his wife gained weight does not mean you will.  That just doesn’t make sense to me.  Anyways, just the fact you lost 10lbs is totally awesome.  Great job!!  Be proud of that and don’t dwell on the last 10. 

Post # 14
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

How can he make you feel beautiful if he won’t marry you until you lose 10 pounds?  Clearly you’re not beautiful enough for him to marry until the scale says you are.  I’m sorry, but I am absolutely appalled on your behalf.  This is totally unacceptable behavior and you do not have to stand for it, I don’t care if he’s prince charming on all other accounts. 

Also, like someone else mentioned, what happens when you have babies?  He does realize that your body is going to change, right?  Or are you guys going to seperate if you gain anything more than 5 pounds? Is that going to be a part of your vows?  For richer or poorer, sickness and in health, so long as you don’t gain more than 10 pounds?

I mean, honestly.  Words can’t really express how horrified I am at this post.  He should be ashamed of himself.

Post # 15
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I will have to say that would pissed me off big time.  It’s great that he is perfect in all other aspect, but this isn’t like him leaving the toilet seat up or not taking out the trash..Him not accepting your addition 10 lbs. is a big deal.  As we age, we’re going to start putting on the weight, our boobs aren’t going to stay perky and our bellies will hang even more loose..our ability to lose weight will be that much more difficult.  It’s ridiculous that 10 lbs. is what’s keeping you from being marriage bound. I feel for you, I am rather difficult on myself when it comes to weight loss..if someone I love were to criticize me..i would be devastated. Good luck with your last 10 lbs., but my advice is to do it for you..not for your SO and certainly not for a ring.  =)

Post # 16
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yeah, I would probably leave him. That sounds very shallow and hateful. He won’t propose because he wants you to lose the last 10 pounds? I would not be happy if my Fiance said that to me. Then when and if he proposes, will he say he won’t marry you until you can fit into a size 2 dress? Then later in life will he cheat on you because you gained weight carrying his children? (if you want children) Yeah…this is just the beginning hon.

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