I think this is ridiculous. How can he say you’re beautiful/make you feel beautiful when he basically has told you to lose 10 pounds or this relationship’s not making it to the next step. I read this to my Fiance and he said “Wow, what an asshole….” then a few minutes later.. “..that’s really fucked up.”
I’ve gained about 30 pounds off & on through college/into grad school (it’s been up & down.. gained 20, lost 15, gained the 15, lost 10, gained 20… really frustrating). I’m not huge by any means, but I’ve definitely got about 30 pounds to lose before I’m back to my ideal size that I was at the beginning of college when I first met my Fiance. Has he ever once said anything about my weight? No. He’s just told me I’m beautiful, sexy, etc… even now when even though I’m not seriously overweight, I still weigh more than I ever have in my life. He’s very supportive (ie stopped buying processed snacks, will buy healthier foods at the grocery store even though he can snack on junk food all day & not gain a pound, when he picks up food for himself when he’s at the grocery store he’ll come home with yogurt and fresh fruit for me). He’s encouraging, in that when I’m so sore 3 days in a row after working out, he motivates me to keep working out saying that I’m doing great & to stick with it & it’ll get easier the more I do it, etc…
It’s hard enough trying to keep a positive self esteem when you feel like you’ve got weight to lose, but to have the person you love & trust & who is probably your best friend, telling you that he’s not proposing until you lose 10 pounds?! What a nice way of showing how much he loves you. Obviously you’re more attracted to your partner when they’re fit, but to tell them the reason they’re not getting married just yet is because they need to lose 10 pounds is seriously emotionally abusive, in my mind. He’s making you think less of yourself, when what he SHOULD be doing as your significant other is encouraging you & BOOSTING your self esteem, making you feel like you’re the most amazing girl in the world… not the most amazing girl in the world only if you lose 10 pounds.
I dated a guy for 3.5 years before I broke up with him to be with my now Fiance. When I first got to college, I’d say things like “I’m meeting a lot of guys here but I feel like a lot of them don’t compare to you”. His response? He told me he couldn’t compare me to other girls because then he’d just find my flaws. He’d bring up physical aspects of me that he didn’t particularly like all the time. It made me cry. Every time. He knew it upset me, but as long as he apologized it was okay. I justified his actions by saying he was great in every other way, and I loved him, and he wasn’t a jerk, etc… I finally smartened up and stopped being so naive (not saying you are, by any means, but I definitely was). I didn’t realize that there were other guys out there who would want to be with me who wouldn’t say such negative things. And I know the mind games would have just gotten worse because nothing would have ever been good enough.
I’m not going to tell you to leave, but I can say I’ve been in a similar situation, and I can only wish you the best in this. But, please do know that if you choose to do so, there are plenty of men out there who know how to treat a lady well.. men who aren’t superficial enough to basically say “Lose 10 pounds or we’re not getting engaged.” The person you want to spend the rest of your life with should be someone who you know will stand by you for better or worse.. not someone for whom 10 pounds is a dealbreaker.