(Closed) Why I’m still waiting

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 62
5920 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Your boyfriend sounds like a tool that never deserves to be your fiance, let alone your husband.

A person who won’t marry you until you lose weight…. Are you serious?  Can you seriously not see how screwed up that is? 

Post # 63
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would just start telling him I lost a few pounds every week…unless he’s looking at the scale, he probably won’t even see the difference of 10#.

Post # 64
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I don’t like this at all. This can almost be seen as a sign of emotional abuse. Now he’s got you stressing over losing weight and that can develop into a lot of different, not so pleasant, disorders. It’s awful what he’s doing to you.

Post # 65
10991 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply


That is a very good point.  You’re right–this kind of over controlling behavior by bf could well help push her into an eating disorder.

Post # 66
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m having a hard time believing this is a real post like some of the others have said. It’s been more than 24hrs and no comments from the OP.

If this is for real then you need to get the hell out of that situation. There is NO excuse for a man to treat you that way. You shouldn’t have to “earn” your ering. Does he give u a carrot everytime you do something good? I mean come on, you are being treated like a child or an animal with this “reward” system. What is he going to do when you have kids (if you want them) or when u start getting wrinkles or grey hairs and don’t go get her roots colored as soon as you can see them??

I’m at least 50lbs over weight and my SO loves me unconditionally and supports my efforts to lose because I want to. But, I have been this size since the beginning and I’m told DAILY how beautiful I am. How your being treated is unacceptable for anyone with any self value. Get out of there, you deserve better.,

Post # 67
174 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with PPs. 

I battle my weight, and my SO has a perfect body and doesn’t understand why losing weight is so hard.  But as much as a bitch about him on this Board, I will give him credit that he has NEVER said the wrong thing re my weight gain and weight loss.  But even though I’ve got 40 lbs to go to my goal, I know he loves me for who I am. 

If your SO really is basing his decision on whether or not to get engaged on your weight (and it sounds like you’re a healthy weight already), then it sounds like he is focusing on the wrong thing.  It sounds like you need to talk with him about why he really loves you and why he wants to be with you….   and if his deciding factor is your weight, then it sounds like he’s in it for the wrong reasons.

Post # 68
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

OP could be pulling our legs, but she might also just be too embarrassed to say any more. She probably feels like we’ve got it all wrong, that we don’t understand how special and perfect her SO is in every other way, that it’s really not as bad as it looks, etc. It’s easy for us to objectively see what’s going on, but it’s a lot harder for her. She thinks enough of this man to want to marry him, afterall. It might take some time for her to accept all the bad things we’re saying about him. It took my friend 5 years before she saw her abusive SO for who he really was. It’s also possible that she’ll never see it, and will end up living a lifetime of misery and insecurity under his superficial judgments. That wouldn’t be unusual in the realm of abusive relationships.

I hope she does come back though.

Post # 69
1575 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have to go with the consensus here…. that’s about the most effed up reason to hold off an engagement that I’ve ever heard in my life.  And like so many others have mentioned.. what happens if you gain weight AFTER you get married?  Life happens.  Metabolism slows down with age for most people.  Then what?  He’s gonna divorce you because you’re 10 pounds overweight?  10 pounds is not a big deal… at all, LoL.  This really doesn’t sound like unconditional love.. and that’s what you deserve.  I know it’s much easier to make judgements from the outside looking in, but I just can’t find any possible justification for having an engagement weight requirement.  It’s manipulative & demeaning.

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