(Closed) Why is having a pregnant bridesmaid such a big deal?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 62
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - The Celebration Farm

My friend was married in August of 2012. Her maid of honor gave birth two weeks later. I was the next bridesmaid in line. The next bridesmaid, my cousin, was 8 months pregnant. The bride didn’t care at all. The two pregnant ladies were cute and the bride took special pictures with just the two of them. I think some people don’t like it because it takes away their spotlight I suppose. If you’re jealous of a person do you really want them in your wedding, though? I think it’s silly to be mad or upset about a pregnant bridesmaid.

Post # 63
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I don’t get why this is a big deal, either. Life happens! Also, TTC isn’t always easy so I’d much rather have someone pregnant who wants to be. I think it makes for fun pics, too.

I chose my bridesmaid dresses kinda early (6 months out) but went with an empire-waist style both because it’s forgiving to all body types and will fit even if someone gets pregnant. I pointed this out to them, too, so they’ll feel comfortable bringing it up.

Also, worst case scenario…uneven numbers of Groomsmen and Bridesmaid or Best Man if someone drops out. Big deal. This has happened among my friends for legit reasons, and the bride rolled with it, friendships intact.

 

Post # 64
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Having a pregnant bridesmaid is no big deal, it’s when one of your dear friends turns into a hormal monster that it’s a problem.

My SIL/MOH was about 7 weeks pregnant at our wedding and I was thrilled for them, until they announced it at our rehearsal dinner, and she talked about nothing else the whole weekend, and did absolutely nothing for me.  And all I asked was for her to fix my train – it looked like crap in my pictures, and the best man carried it when we walked around. 

Post # 65
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t think it would bother me. My bridesmaids are there because I care about them, and contrary to popular belief, their job is not to make me happy or make me feel like a princess.

 

A wedding should be a celebration of the start of two people’s lives together. I don’t buy all the “it’s all about me, I need all the attention” attitude. But maybe that’s just me.

Post # 66
Member
13657 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It’s not a big deal.  I don’t subscribe to the idea that there have to be equal number of male and female attendants and I don’t see the wedding party as having any “obligation” other than standing up for the couple, or sitting if that’s necessary, during the ceremony.  Attending the rehearsal would be helpful, but even that is not always strictly required. If someone close to me couldn’t be at the wedding, I’d be upset that they couldn’t be at the wedding, not because they were pregnant.  

Post # 67
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am the maid of honor in my SIL’s wedding and due a little over two months before the wedding. I have made time in my schedule to meet with her once a week to help plan her wedding despite morning sickness and exhaustion. I do have to say I am happy I won’t be pregnant AT the wedding (we were planning to stop TTC in November -January to make sure it wouldn’t affect her wedding).

Honestly, if the bride is near and dear to the Bridesmaid or Best Man, the Bridesmaid or Best Man will step up and the bride should have compassion. Friendship is a give and take.

Post # 69
Member
5708 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Not a big deal to me. Even if she would be due around the wedding and couldn’t make it…I understand being sad, but not upset at the Bridesmaid or Best Man for not coming. People cannot rearrange what they want in life just because someone is getting married or what not. I would assume if you’re close enough friends the Bridesmaid or Best Man would tell the bride long before the wedding that she was due around that time so the bride could have time to think about the whole thing and either ask the bridesmaid to step down (which I personally wouldn’t do) or possibly deal with her not being there.

Post # 71
Member
862 posts
Busy bee

Wow I really didn’t know that us pregnant BMs were the scum of the bridal party and no one apparently wants us around *eye roll*

Take a look at the Bridesmaid or Best Man boards and there is always some problem with BMs. Hell I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man that couldn’t fit her dress four days before the wedding and I was lucky enough to find one, and drive to another country to pick it up. She wasn’t pregnant. I had crazy hormonal Bridesmaid or Best Man drama, none of them were pregnant. I had people duck out of my bachlorette party early, nope again no one was knocked up.

The only thing that I really understand is being concerend about the bm’s health, and if she is due around your wedding date, and it should end there. Wish her well, accept that she might not be there and get the hell over it. You’re getting married, this is a wonderful exciting time for you, that doesn’t mean that the rest of the world has to revolve around you and your day and put their lives on hold because YOU are getting married.

I was asked 21 months in advance to be part of a wedding, so husband and I should put of having children for nearly two years because you are worried about me fitting into a dress and not being able to fulfill bridal obligations? Suck it up.

Can we please look at it from the other side? As a pregnant Bridesmaid or Best Man I get crap ALL THE TIME from the bride. She seems to think that I can do everything for her at the drop of a hat. Tuseday afternoon linen shopping? Yea let me get on that. I still work, I still have a job, I still have a house and all my other obligations, plus appointments that I have to go to. I’m SO sick of hearing ‘but you’re pregnant you have time’ ummm no actually I now have less time than before. This is my new favourite ‘Well the baby is due in May, the wedding is in July, you will have SO MUCH time to help me out! You can plan XYZ, make the cupcakes, set up for the day…. really, what else do you have to do?” Umm work and take care of my child? I will be on freaking mat leave, not a vacation!

Maybe this kind of situation should be a wakeup call to brides that guess what? Life goes on AFTER the wedding!!!

Post # 72
Member
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@208bride:  One of my BMs is currently TTC, and another who just got married is going to start TTC in the new year so if things turn out I’ll probably have at least pregnant Bridesmaid or Best Man at my wedding. I have no problem with this at all because I’m so happy for them both. I’d be way more sad about either Bridesmaid or Best Man struggling to get pregnant than them not being super active bridesmaids because of their pregnancies. 

I understand that a pregnant Bridesmaid or Best Man can sometimes be less than ideal if she can’t attend the bach party, find a flattering maternity dress in your colors, or maybe help out as much as she had planned to. But I feel like if you really cared about your Bridesmaid or Best Man you’d find a way to make sure she’s comfortable and able to take part unless she would rather stand down. Please let’s remember bees – kicking a Bridesmaid or Best Man out of your bridal party because she’s pregnant makes you a bad friend. It makes me sad I have to even write that since it should be obvious to grown ups that crap like that is unacceptable. But I have seen multiple posts on the bee where brides rant about how their horrible selfish BMs have the audacity to get pregnant and it makes me sick. 

IMO the only people who get angry that their BMs are pregnant anre the brides ho plan to use their bridal party as slave labour and expect them to be on call 24/7. These are the same monsters who throw tantrums when their BMs will not book a 5 hour flight to attend their bridal shower, or dare to think about getting married before the bride (because this bride is the ONLY bride). 

Post # 73
Member
2265 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@beachbride1216:  +1. exactly this.

the only time this is a ‘big’ deal is if the bride is one of those brides who wants to make sure there is absolutely no way, shape or form, that any inkling of attention might be stolen away from her on that day. it’s ridiculous and selfish. i had a pregnant bridesmaid and not only was it not a big deal to me, i spent my time being happy for her and embracing us both experience major life changes together!

 

Post # 74
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I mean, being pregnant is a temporary thing and unless my Bridesmaid is Michelle Duggar, I don’t think I’d want to look back at pictures where she doesn’t look like she does the rest of the time. I don’t think it’s a Bridezilla thing, because it’s not about being fat, but you’re only pregnant for those 9 months, so why should it affect the pictures I look at for the rest of my life. Everyone wants to look their best at a wedding and pregnant is definitely not that.

Post # 75
Member
9168 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@208bride:  Because those brides are selfish, delusional brats who can’t stand the thought of anyone else getting attention on their special day, despite the fact that nothing and no one can actually overshadow a bride on her wedding day.

Post # 76
Member
9168 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@luluvohn:  Soo basically your bridesmaids are your props for photos?!  Wow, at least you’re honest I guess. 

Newsflash dear – you look at your wedding photos all of 2 times after the wedding and they’re soon forgotten.

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