(Closed) Why is he acting like this now during our engagement??

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Whoooa…What a way to turn your world upside down! I am so sorry you’re going through this. I guess my best bet is trying to see it from his position, owing an ex $400,000…I can’t imagine I’d be too sane if I was in that position. If he really is the world to you, then I think you should put off the wedding. If you haven’t already paid a deposit for a reception, while I understand that is very difficult for you, it might be best for his mental stability.

Post # 4
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

My fiance is established in his career and makes 5x more than I do a year, and I have frequently thought about if he would want a prenup. I’m not sure how I would feel about it, but if he did want one, I suppose I could understand. My mother has been through two divorces…I think that makes it very real for me that not everything lasts, although I think we will, and I think you will too because it sounds like he cares about you a lot…

Post # 5
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

It sounds like he has been taken advatange of in the past and maybe having a hard time getting past it. If he is the one that bought the house, pay for the wedding, etc it might just be stressing him out. Definately sit down and talk through things calmly.

Post # 6
Member
811 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like you and your Fiance are going through a really hard time and I am sorry. I really hope you can work it out soon because it must be really stressful for everyone (including the kids).

Maybe he’s worried that he’ll lose a lot of money again – it can’t have been easy. I think you need to try to get him to open up so you can find out why. But I have to say, if I didn’t agree with the prenup I wouldn’t be willing to sign it (that could just be me though – to me it’d feel like they expect it to fail)

Post # 7
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@ieatunicorns: I agree

this has nothing to do with loving you but it has a lot to do with his past. Maybe you can postpone the wedding and get married at city hall at first until you can estabilish a comprimise for the wedding?

as for prenups.. were going to be doing one as well and this is for future refrences… It doesnt mean that things WILL end, but atleast if anything does happen– God forbid, that you would both would get what is rightfully yours.

Post # 8
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m sorry you’re going through this, but honestly, I’m also a little surprised that at 3 months out you guys haven’t even determined venue locations?  I would postpone the wedding just for the sheer fact that it seems like nothing is even planned yet.

Post # 9
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Maybe he has real fear of having to support you that is linked to him being on the hook for 400K before. Would you be interested in taking on any kind of job as a show of good faith to him that you are willing/able to contribute even a little? Shouldn’t be neccessary but sometimes we have to stick our necks out a little more to help someone feel comfortable in moving along.

 

We say $$ shouldn’t matter when it comes to love, but statistics say otherwise, as does a brain & a heart that have had a bad experience.

Post # 13
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t see anything wrong with him requesting a pre-nup under the circumstances (you are not working, you are living in a house he bought, and he’s already had a failed marriage that cost him $400K).  On the other hand I would never ever marry a man who didn’t love my pets.  Who cares about signing a pre-nup since YOU know you aren’t marrying him for his money, but the pets – now that’s the deal breaker for me.

Post # 15
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

 Not to defend him because I am not, but he sounds like me. “Babe I hate your dog and get a job!” then it was ” Babe I hate your stupid dog and get a BETTER job!” The situation different being Fi lives in MY house but the savings are all his. Since I have been in this position I can say that I tried to keep my mouth shut for TOO long and then I just blew up! I was trying to be suttle about his dumb dog ( I am assuming your cats are way better pets than my Fiance cujo dog)  My guess is maybe this is what happened wiht him. And as for talking to your son about it he was maybe trying to include rather than exclude him, he is a little older so while YES kids should be kept out of it, your Fiance might see him as a mature young adult and maybe that’s why he didn’t think first. He sounds like he is ovrwhelmed.

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