Post # 1
Me and my fiance got engaged 2 yrs ago.
he lives overseas we hav been together for 4 yrs.
This yr we have been making wedding plans ive invited my family…
ive designed invites and everything.
In august he was saying he dont want to get married cos of the cost and he wants to save some money to finish some of the extention for the house back home.
So i was torn up so two weeks later we sed we would do a smaller wedding to cut costs….ever since we have been planning.today he is mean tot meet up with thte wedding planner to go over some details and put a down payment for our wedding(ts going to be in his country).
I dont think that is happening cos i woke up this morning to a text saying that he as been think deeplya bout this a that he would rather use th emoney to finish the extention and get it over and done with then get married the yr after…..an di feel so torn up AGAIN!!!! MY HEART IS BROKEN cos i feel like he is being so selffish….it toook alot for me to tell my family because they are a very hard bunch of people so the fact that they said they would is a dream come true.(the wedding isnt even costing alot)
Is it the fact that he just doesnt want to marry me and just wants to keep putting it off?
im sick of him changing his mind every minute and not thinking about me.
ps tbh im always supporting him and compromising with him but i dont get it back.
I just dont know what to say anymore.
Post # 3
@babystush: To me, it sounds like he isn’t ready for be married. Not just to you; but in general. If you were important to him, he’d make it known. I feel that he’s stringing you along.
Post # 4
@RagDoll: Thank you same thing im thinking too. But why cant he just be man enough to just say so thats what i dont get, i deserve better than this….feel like he is trying to get me to break up with him so he doesnt have to do…but what confuses me is that it was only yesterday he was so excited about literatly.
Post # 5
@babystush: I think you need to lay it out for him. Tell him that you want to get married, deposits are down and your family is expecting it. I’d ask him how much he will agree to spend on the wedding, and plan from there.
Also, is he paying for all of it? Are you able to contribute a significant chunk so budget shops being an issue? I’d also make a firm, if we delay this, it’s the last time commitment. It is not right to keep delaying marriage over and over, especially since it’s planned.
Post # 6
It sounds like he’s not ready to get married. We all wish guys would come out and say what they think but what are you going to do? Call his bluff by continuing with the wedding planning? It’s time to make this decision for you. You should be his number one priority all the time, not just every now and then.
Post # 7
I don’t know what his intentions are, as he may really just be worried about money. However he should not be making unilateral choices without talking to you first. Clearly you g8uy need to have a long talk.
Post # 8
Some men do that. They figure if they act like big enough jerks, we’ll dump them.
Then they get out of the relationship, which is what they want and can stll make believe they didn’t do it.
He could be hoping you’ll get the hint that he does’t want to get married without having to come right out and say it.
Pay no attention to what he says anymore, only what he does matters.
Post # 9
ask him to elope. No wedding, just you and him and the courthouse – see what he says. If it really is about $ and not about getting married, he will do it. If not, you may have your answer..
Post # 11
@MrsWBS: That’s a good idea to figure out his true intentions. But still, if you give him a decision like this, he may go through with it because he’s out of excuses. Don’t you want to be with someone who is dying to marry you and makes you feel like you’re number one?
Post # 12
When you get into the long distance thing and especially the long distance engagement thing, and there’s no forward progress, you have to evaluate whether this is a real relationship, or whether it’s a placeholder fantasy relationship, which basically ticks all the emotional “relationship” boxes without actually requiring any real life commitment or adjustments.
Either kind of LDR is fine, as long as both people are on the same page with it. The problem is when it’s a fantasy relationship to one person and real to the other.
I suspect that you need to say, point blank, it’s time to either shit or get off the pot, and that the size of the wedding doesn’t matter, but there needs to be a wedding at this point. If he won’t do that, you have your answer.
Post # 13
@takemyhand: yep we was paying for it half half and if anything im paying more cos i also have to pay for my fair and my sons fare which is almost a grand each.
The first time he did this wich was not to long ago i layed every thing down on the table i made the sacrifices so he can do what he needed to do with his house….and i thouhgt evry thing was fine he was acting fine and happy bout it.
Post # 14
@AlwaysSunny: thank you that is the same thing i said to him but as always he is the type of guy who always holds things back, does what he wants to do but when its you he as a say in it. I love him but he is also one of them double standard guys.
Post # 15
@MrsWBS: hiya, i just did that….lool looks like we thinking the same thing …but he isnt responding the the question properly, his the kind of guy that love to ask questions and expects an answer but when it comes to other people asking him a question he feels like he doesnt have to respond or not until his ready to respond.I still wait a while alonger and se what he says.
Post # 16
@AlwaysSunny: i hear what you are saying and you are right….sometimes he goes on like he cant live without me but then he as a side that makes me feel like do you even want to marry me?
im the type of woman who is a true romantic, i beleive in marriage and so does he….but right now i just feel like his making excuses….i cant buy this house told anymore there as to be more to it and i know he isnt going to just come out with it.
If we dont get married i will just call it of because there is no point in being in a long distance relationship and its not leading no where, i dont want it to be a case tht i agree ok let do it the yr after and then some thing else comes up again…am i making sense?