(Closed) Why is he doing this to me? I dont think he wants to marry me.

posted 6 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@babystush:  To me, it sounds like he isn’t ready for be married. Not just to you; but in general.  If you were important to him, he’d make it known.  I feel that he’s stringing you along.

Post # 5
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@babystush:  I think you need to lay it out for him. Tell him that you want to get married, deposits are down and your family is expecting it. I’d ask him how much he will agree to spend on the wedding, and plan from there.

Also, is he paying for all of it? Are you able to contribute a significant chunk so budget shops being an issue? I’d also make a firm, if we delay this, it’s the last time commitment. It is not right to keep delaying marriage over and over, especially since it’s planned.

Post # 6
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

It sounds like he’s not ready to get married. We all wish guys would come out and say what they think but what are you going to do? Call his bluff by continuing with the wedding planning? It’s time to make this decision for you. You should be his number one priority all the time, not just every now and then. 

Post # 7
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t know what his intentions are, as he may really just be worried about money. However he should not be making unilateral choices without talking to you first. Clearly you g8uy need to have a long talk.

Post # 8
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010


Some men do that.  They figure if they act like big enough jerks, we’ll dump them.

Then they get out of the relationship, which is what they want and can stll make believe they didn’t do it.

He could be hoping you’ll get the hint that he does’t want to get married without having to come right out and say it.

Pay no attention to what he says anymore, only what he does matters.


Post # 9
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

ask him to elope. No wedding, just you and him and the courthouse – see what he says.  If it really is about $ and not about getting married, he will do it.  If not, you may have your answer..

Post # 11
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@MrsWBS:  That’s a good idea to figure out his true intentions. But still, if you give him a decision like this, he may go through with it because he’s out of excuses. Don’t you want to be with someone who is dying to marry you and makes you feel like you’re number one? 

Post # 12
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

When you get into the long distance thing and especially the long distance engagement thing, and there’s no forward progress, you have to evaluate whether this is a real relationship, or whether it’s a placeholder fantasy relationship, which basically ticks all the emotional “relationship” boxes without actually requiring any real life commitment or adjustments.

Either kind of LDR is fine, as long as both people are on the same page with it. The problem is when it’s a fantasy relationship to one person and real to the other.

I suspect that you need to say, point blank, it’s time to either shit or get off the pot, and that the size of the wedding doesn’t matter, but there needs to be a wedding at this point. If he won’t do that, you have your answer.  

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