Why is he so dense?– vent

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2560 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

SVandy60918 :  no matter how stupid a fight throwing a phone at the wall is never an option in my book. He needs to manage his emotions better. 

Post # 3
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I don’t understand what you responded him? The part that you could get by without him, but you chose to stay with him?

If I were you, I would be so pissed. And even more, because by making his comment, he obviously thinks that you’ve been doing nothing, but then suddenly is angry when he realises that you could be provide for yourself? This sounds so confused to me. Maybe you two need to sit down, when you calmed down and you ask him what his actual problem is. Does he not see that with you finishing your studies you can earn as well and that the actual situation is only temporary? Would they way how he sees this change if in the future you’ll not work 100%, for wathever reason that would be?

Post # 4
Member
2797 posts
Sugar bee

His lack of respect for (a) your financial savvy pre-graduate program and (b) your hard work in your graduate program would have me seriously reconsidering the relationship. But you do you.

Post # 6
Member
660 posts
Busy bee

SVandy60918 :  Umm…he can’t have it both ways: he can’t both be ok with being a stay-at-home husband and pin his worth on being the breadwinner. I’ve never understood men (and it’s usually men) that have a problem with their spouses earning more.

Post # 7
Member
4388 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Is this the first time hes let his anger get out of control? Throwing things, lashing out? Scary.

Post # 10
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee

SVandy60918 :  it is very concerning that he lashed out due to the simple fact that you could support yourself financially without him…like, who the fuck does that? who gets physically irate because their partner is *gasp* EQUAL to them and doesn’t need them to survive?

you need to confront the root of why he’s so insecure and how he can get over it ASAP. when your income doubles and there is tangible evidence that you don’t need him, this will get so much worse and may very well ruin your relationship.

Post # 11
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

SVandy60918 :  Ok, then you need to address and talk through those things. In order to make it clear to him that of course the two of you could provide for themselves, but this has nothing to do with how much you value your partner. Maybe when he’s able to express his insecurity about the money you can reassure him that you loving him is not affected by how much he earns. And I double PP’s opinion, it’s better to discuss this now.

Post # 13
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

No no no. 

He was disrespectful as hell to you by saying you did nothing for 8 months and he made all of the financial contribution to the household.

Instead if you throwing your phone, you pointed out that you did as much as he did.  Then he gets angry at you for pointing out that you aren’t mooching? And tries to spin this as YOU bring the bad guy? Uh uh. 

Bee, you don’t need to dig into a guy’s family to explain away him being an asshole to you. You don’t need to decide a grown man can’t have a new phone because he can’t manage his feelings.

If he can’t deal with you being able to support yourself without him, he is toxic. A man throwing things because you demonstrated that you’re  are able to contribute to your own household (after he made a crack about you NOT doing it) is a problem. When your salary doubles, he isn’t going to get any more sane.

good luck. 

 

Post # 14
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

Beware a partner who says mean, disrespectful things to put you down and diminish you then tries to pass it off as a joke. 

Beware a partner who has broken 2 phones in anger. If you’ve been in an abusive relationship in the past, your line of what is not okay to cross may be compromised- just because he’s not as bad as your ex doesn’t mean his behaviour isn’t cause for alarm. 

Beware a partner who undervalues you and sneers at your accomplishments. You covering your expenses while in school with investments ‘doesn’t count’, your heavy grad school course load= lazing around for 8 months. There is a bitter pettiness to him that’s quite off putting. 

It doesn’t sound like he’s a good partner or that he even thinks very highly of you. Please consider if you want to be with someone who has such little regard for you and whose behaviour when angry should be setting off alarm bells. 

Post # 15
Member
2611 posts
Sugar bee

Throwing his phone  TWICE because he’s angry is, in my opinion, a serious red  flag.

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