Post # 1
Hi everyone I’m a brand new user here. After a fight with my S/O tonight I’m wondering if I wil ever get engaged and I need advice! So we have been dating for about 2 years and this year started seriously considering marriage. In May he said that he would propose in August because he would the same age as his older brother when he got married. Then when I came back( I was out of state for the summer) he said that I must have been confused about the time and it was never definite. After another talk he said once I got a job, then he would propose. Tonight he is saying six months from now. I know I am being really impatient but now I just feel like he will put it off forever! What do you guys think?
Post # 3
Hello and welcome to the bee 🙂
I think that maybe you might be pressuring him by talking about it all the time. I suggest backing off for a bit and do some things on your own. From what you have stated, he seems open to getting engaged, but he might be feeling pressured. If you give him some space and don’t bring it up all the time, he may come around and surprise you.
Post # 4
I think maybe you should sit down with him calmly and get a definite time line. Just ask when he thinks he might propose and when would be the latest he would propose. After you have your answer, then maybe it’s time to back off and give him some time to work on it. Unfortunately it takes some time to get the ring and plan a proposal, so even if he is ready he may need more time. It seems that based on what you said he may have some other concerns, so it might be good to ask him what his concerns are. Maybe he is worried about affording a great ring, or supporting you after marriage, or is worried about being ready for the commitment.
Just try to get the information from him.
Post # 5
Why is he stalling? Because he wants to.
I think we often put way too much energy into trying to figure them out when we ought to be putting the energy into taking care of ourselves & our own lives.
This one is really playing a head game on you. He wants to be the same age his brother was when he gets married? WTF is that? It’s going to happen in August, but it doesn’t? “You” must be confused? That’s just plain mean. Have you ever seen the movie”Gaslight”?
He could at least be honest with you about where you stand.
If he wants to marry you, he’ll make that clear enough.
Post # 6
i agree that you might want to have a no-fuss, no-drama talk with him, maybe over dinner one night. as a couple you should have some idea of your long-term timeline… and he may have completely different ideas of that timeline than you. communication is key, or so all the fancy doctor types say. good luck– waiting sucks– that’s why we’re all here!
Post # 7
@geewhizkid:basically his timeline is to get engaged six months from now. I’m just worried b/c he has changed the timeline several times, so I don’t know whether to believe or not.
Post # 8
This would upset me. I’d definitely be talking to him about it. Guys don’t understand how we feel. They know everything, they CONTROL everything that happens with the proposal. We sit in the dark and wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Obsess. Why do we obsess? Because we’re excited! Then we get impatient, because we have waited and obsessed for 2 months. 4 months. 6 months. 9 months. A year. Longer for some women.
I hate this process. Guys need to take a class on how to understand how it feels to sit around and wait for something that takes such a long time, and that they have no control over. Then they might understand!!!!
Post # 9
We talked again and I feel A LOT better. He said he doesn’t really want it to be definite because 1. it won’t be a surprise. and 2. because how long it will take us to get through college and stuff it might be later or sooner than his timeline. Anyway, I feel like he really does want to get married someday so I’m just going to put engagement stuff out of my mind for now =]
Post # 10
Good for you. I was going to chime in and say I understand how you’re so frustrated when it seems like he’s changing his timeline. I’m glad you talked and you feel better!
Post # 11
My Boyfriend or Best Friend is all about wanting to surprise me. He has given me vague timelines but when I try to get him to be more specific he says it will ruin the surprise. Dont know if that means its coming up soon or not, though, but it definitely gets me anxious! But I hate not having any say in when he does it, I just want him to do it already!! So just know that maybe his gears are turning but he wants it to be a total surprise. Plus he may be waiting until you are a little closer to finishing school–guys like to have some stability in life before doing something like this, so maybe once he gets a job or has a permanent place to live he will be ready right after that! Good luck!