(Closed) Why is he stalling?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Hello and welcome to the bee 🙂

I think that maybe you might be pressuring him by talking about it all the time. I suggest backing off for a bit and do some things on your own. From what you have stated, he seems open to getting engaged, but he might be feeling pressured. If you give him some space and don’t bring it up all the time, he may come around and surprise you.

Post # 4
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think maybe you should sit down with him calmly and get a definite time line. Just ask when he thinks he might propose and when would be the latest he would propose. After you have your answer, then maybe it’s time to back off and give him some time to work on it. Unfortunately it takes some time to get the ring and plan a proposal, so even if he is ready he may need more time. It seems that based on what you said he may have some other concerns, so it might be good to ask him what his concerns are. Maybe he is worried about affording a great ring, or supporting you after marriage, or is worried about being ready for the commitment. 

Just try to get the information from him. 

Post # 5
Member
8132 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Why is he stalling?  Because he wants to.

 

  I think we often put way too much energy into trying to figure them out when we ought to be putting the energy into taking care of ourselves & our own lives.

 This one is really playing a head game on you.  He wants to be the same age his brother was when he gets married?  WTF is that?  It’s going to happen in August, but it doesn’t?  “You” must be confused? That’s just plain mean. Have you ever seen the movie”Gaslight”?

He could at least be honest with you about where you stand.

If he wants to marry you, he’ll make that clear enough.

Post # 6
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

i agree that you might want to have a no-fuss, no-drama talk with him, maybe over dinner one night. as a couple you should have some idea of your long-term timeline… and he may have completely different ideas of that timeline than you. communication is key, or so all the fancy doctor types say. good luck– waiting sucks– that’s why we’re all here!

Post # 8
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

This would upset me. I’d definitely be talking to him about it. Guys don’t understand how we feel. They know everything, they CONTROL everything that happens with the proposal. We sit in the dark and wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Obsess. Why do we obsess? Because we’re excited! Then we get impatient, because we have waited and obsessed for 2 months. 4 months. 6 months. 9 months. A year. Longer for some women.

I hate this process. Guys need to take a class on how to understand how it feels to sit around and wait for something that takes such a long time, and that they have no control over. Then they might understand!!!!

Post # 10
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Good for you. I was going to chime in and say I understand how you’re so frustrated when it seems like he’s changing his timeline. I’m glad you talked and you feel better!  

Post # 11
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

My Boyfriend or Best Friend is all about wanting to surprise me.  He has given me vague timelines but when I try to get him to be more specific he says it will ruin the surprise.  Dont know if that means its coming up soon or not, though, but it definitely gets me anxious! But I hate not having any say in when he does it, I just want him to do it already!! So just know that maybe his gears are turning but he wants it to be a total surprise.  Plus he may be waiting until you are a little closer to finishing school–guys like to have some stability in life before doing something like this, so maybe once he gets a job or has a permanent place to live he will be ready right after that! Good luck!

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