- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2018
This is a vent. Feel free to skip.
I feel like our relationship has become a one way thing. I feel like I’m the only one who’s putting any effort in. I told SO and he said it isn’t the case, but nothing’s improved.
SO is 8 hours ahead. When this first started we would talk until midnight. At first we would talk at 11pm, but then he stopped waking up early enough for us to chat so it eventually got later even up to 4am. Because he is now at work when we chat and the conversation is understandably limited . It would only be 30 minutes of half talk anyway. I’d set alarms in the middle of the night to fit around his meetings, I know I was crazy!
I’d then wake up at 7 or 8am to have another quick chat before I needed to go out. If I was free in the in the day (being a student my timetable isn’t fixed), I’d keep Skype on.
But the late nights started to take their toll (obviously), so I stopped being a martyr and got some sleep.
He’s got a very active social life and I’m pleased. But there’s been a few nights when he’d say he’d be back early (9pm his time) so I’ve made sure I’m up to date with stuff, and don’t arrange things at the same time. And then he’s not got back until 2am (his time). This has happened more than once! I don’t mind other than the fact that I want to spend quality time with SO. As far as I’m concerned if that means a couple of hours of intense Skype, then that’s what’ll happen.
I told SO how I felt, that we talk but don’t have quality time or conversation. He didn’t listen, and started crazy talking about moving back home. He moved so we could both have a better life and a better relationship longterm, but being apart IS hard. We know this. But we have to work on it. Even LDRs need quality time.
He said this: “But 4am [his time] is me at home, not working, and not socialising… I do try to be there for you” I don’t think having a conversation with a guy who’s even a bit drunk and falling asleep is constructive.
Today, Sunday, I woke up at 8.30. SO said he had no plans and would be in all day. I meant to wake up at 7 (and I did but fell back to sleep) to have a long proper conversation. There’s sooo much I want to update him on and talk about. But guess what, he’s gone out. I’m seriously thinking about cancelling my plans for later today just so we can talk. Which is crazy and I shouldn’t be thinking of doing that. But why is it always me? And instead of talking with him, I’m writing to the Hive.
I know it’s my choice to stay up later and get up early. It’s my choice to stay on Skype as much as possible. But now I’m thinking of cancelling with a girlfriend! Something’s wrong here. He’s out almost everyday socialising, and the second time this week I have plans I feel guilty for leaving. I don’t think he expects me to make the sacrifices I do, but even the ones I do make don’t seem to be enough. I feel awful when I oversleep and wake up to a “Oh, you’re still asleep so I don’t know when I’m going to talk to you” text.
/end vent. Thank you if you read all the way through.
How do we make time for quality time?