(Closed) Why is it always women waiting?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 19
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m confused by your question.  Are you asking if there are men waiting to get proposed to???  I’m sure there are men in homosexual relationships in the same position.  As for heterosexual relationships, I doubt it since it is the men who is expected to do the asking when they are ready.  Just by the definition, I don’t think there can be men who are waiting.

Post # 20
184 posts
Blushing bee

It is extremely frustrating at times but I really love my so and believe he is the one for me and hoping he comes around soon. If he doesn’t I have a silent walk date in my head. I am

Doing my best now to just go with the flow and try to make our relationship happy and good so that he feels ready and comfortable asking. Then if I have to walk away I have done everything I can to build the relationship. He says he knows I’m the right one for him so I’m trying to trust that he has a plan and that the plan will happen soon. He keeps saying soon so I’m really trying to think soon means soon and not a year from now.

It usually is the woman waiting because guys take longer to decide more often than not. I’m choosing to wait now. That’s the only way I can handle it without leaving is choosing to wait.

Post # 21
1929 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I have a femAle friend who took a long time to be ready.  Her bf really wanted to marry her and she was just not ready.  Eventually they did marry, but it took a long time, and I can’t say she was 100% sure about it.  I have another guy friendwhose now wife was also not ready for a while.  These coup,es communicated and the men held off on proposing until the woman indicated she was ready.  I can’t say tthey were “waiting” as they were not waiting for a proposal, but I guess they were waiting for the green light!

Post # 23
1101 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

Maybe I’m weird, but I wouldn’t have left if Fiance never proposed. Seriously. I just love him a lot and I know that I want to spend my life with him. We talked about it before we became engaged and he said “before our five year anniversary we will at least be engaged” which left me thinking “okay, I have 3 years left…” lol! We became engaged less than six months after he said that.


Oh, and I also proposed to him several times. We would be lying in bed and I’d say, “Marry me.” or we’d be out on a date and I’d say, “Will you marry me?” and he’d be like “Do I want to one day? Yes. Will I say yes to you proposing? No. I want to propose.”

Post # 24
4913 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@oneofthesethings:  my mind exploded.  he also loves calling me his “FI” (literally, the letters “F” “I”) b/c that’s what I call him here on the bee.  I was like, but that means fiance.  He doesn’t care.  He still uses it.  The truth is, if we didn’t have so much other stuff going on that really needed to be dealt with first, this wouldn’t have been an issue.  We’re both very overwhelmed with what’s going on and I don’t really have the time to plan.  I was very annoyed though that it seems like the ball is in his court and there’s not much I can do about it – that is, he says stop planning and if I continue, I look like the crazy woman!

Post # 25
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@oneofthesethings:  sometimes it wasn’t even that. sometimes I just felt like asking on every thread about waiting … “Why aren’t you asking him?”. It’s one thing if the men had already said, like in a PP or two above, that he would say no to her proposing because he wanted to, but I don’t know. I guess I wouldn’t understand because I never waited. I was more concerned about his timing relative to what was going on at my workplace (I knew he would have wanted a wedding very soon after he proposed and I was in the middle, still am, of a project at work and I really didn’t want to plan stuff and be off on my honeymoon during crunch time!) than whether he was going to propose at all! lol

Post # 26
39 posts

My FH is ready to move to the next step.  If he had it his way, we would be married and having kids already!  Here’s the sad part-we are 19 haha!  So we have a little bit of time to worry about stuff, like oh I don’t know, FINANCES!

Post # 27
1484 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The men aren’t usually waiting because they’re the ones who offer the ring.  The way I see it, women get to be sexual selectors in our society and men get to be marriage selectors.  Men wait on sex and women wait on engagements. 

Slightly tangential, although I wouldn’t want to live in such a world, if women used their power of sexual selection to their utmost, I doubt there would be as many women waiting for rings if men felt they had to give one to get some.  However, the rate of broken engagements and divorce would skyrocket haha.

Post # 28
3274 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I know a couple where it was the guy waiting. They had talked about it but she said she wasn’t ready. He got fed up and proposed anyway.

Post # 29
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

My DH waited for 3 years for me to propose to him. He was hoping that I would eventually get over the “never getting married” phase and I did 😉 Then he informed me that he wants to do this properly and it took him another 3 years to figure out the “properly”.

Post # 30
356 posts
Helper bee

Because they don’t typically ask men to marry them? Which I think is just plain silly. You want it, go for it.

Post # 31
802 posts
Busy bee

I think that KnitStar is right. Whoever is less interested holds the most power. I think for some women also the whole biological clock thing plays into it heavily, and guys don’t quite get how much that stuff matters.

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