(Closed) Why is it always women waiting?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@anothersmith:  that’s what I always said! lol

Post # 33
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

As others said, women usually are waiting because it’s the guys who typically proposes. When men are ready, they ask.

I, personally, think there is “the one,” and I wouldn’t just leave the guy because he makes me wait an extra couple years. I believe if you go into something thinking if you don’t have your way you’ll leave, then it will eventually be something else he won’t do that makes you leave. Now, I understand those who are mid-late 30’s and want to get married/have kids, and can’t wait a couple more years, but I’m 25 (with SO for 5 years), so I’m still young. Yes, I am anxiously waiting to be engaged/married, but I am madly in love with him and never want to spend my life with someone else.

Post # 35
Member
1182 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@missmorganista:  

Maybe I’m weird, but I wouldn’t have left if Fiance never proposed. Seriously. I just love him a lot and I know that I want to spend my life with him.

Exactly. I would never leave the person I love more than anyone in the whole world over a timeline and goalposts and whatever else the jargon is. 

We didn’t have any elaborate proposal, or even a simple one. There was nobody waiting on anyone else. We just had a conversation where we decided that yeah, we’d like to get married.

But on the subject of why women are the ones waiting… many times I think it’s social convention. They will hint, but they won’t propose themselves because they want the bended knee and surprise ring in a romantic setting.

And also, a little off the topic, but I think that men are led to expect (by society, not necessarily by the women they are with) that what women want is a proposal and marriage, so you better be real sure before you ask because they hardly ever say no. (I’m not sure all the focus on timelines and ultimatums and leave dates and so on does much to dispel this image either. 🙂 

Post # 36
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think typically women make decisions like this faster than men. That said, my SO is more anxious than I am to settle things – I want another year or so of calm before taking any major steps. But I think as PPs have articulated, there’s an expectation that women seek stability and marriage in a way that men don’t, so even if that’s not necessarily how we feel, it’s the only language we can use to discuss serious relationships?

I don’t know – it’s early and it’s Friday so I may be talking nonsense…

Post # 37
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

The father of a friend of mine proposed to her mother and she said no because she wasn’t ready.  He waited another year, asked again and she said yes, and they’re still married about 25 years later.

Post # 38
Member
767 posts
Busy bee

My SO’s godfather asked his girlfriend 8 TIMES before she accepted. They’ve been married nearly 60 years Smile

Post # 39
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t feel like I’m waiting in a powerless position or anything, my SO is waiting as well. We’ve decided we want to be together forever, we talked about when the timing of that would be right for us, and we’re BOTH waiting. So count one waiting man as my SO.

Just because he’s expressed a desire to surprise me with a proposal doesn’t mean that I’m floundering or don’t hold any power or that SO is “less interested” than I am, because that sure isn’t the case. We made the decision together.

If I hadn’t been ok with letting him dream up a proposal, I would have told him and we could have gone about it another way. Perhaps like my parents, who just decided they were ready to get married, picked a date 9 months into the future, and did it, no proposal necessary.

Post # 40
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m the slow to commit one in my relationship, although we have only been together for a year, most of it long distance. I would probably be singing a different tune if it had been 5+ years. I’m 27, most of my friends are either still unmarried or JUST got married, most of the women in my family didn’t get married till their late 20s/early 30s at least (and those who did marry earlier got divorced) and I’m just not in a hurry. I’d rather wait and make sure I know him REALLY well and that he is actually the person I think he is…people can put on quite the act for the first year or two! Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly happy and in love, but I’m also a realist and I feel at my age I can wait till we know each other a whole lot better (and we’ve figured out the whole what country we can live in together bit).

He, on the other hand, is from a culture where people tend to marry after very short dating relationships (think less than six months) and non-marital relationships are recognized. So because of culture and upbringing, we’ve had a bit of a gender reversal!

Post # 41
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsBroccoli:  The men aren’t usually waiting because they’re the ones who offer the ring.  The way I see it, women get to be sexual selectors in our society and men get to be marriage selectors.  Men wait on sex and women wait on engagements.

Agree.

Post # 42
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I know of one guy that was waiting, and that was my friend’s now fiance. He wanted to get engaged to her yesterday but she kept telling him to wait. Then she found out she was pregnant and he finally got what he wanted since she wasn’t keen on them having a baby together and not being at least engaged.

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